


I'll be there when you wake up

by spaceshipdear



Series: Love takes time [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (yes there will be fluff at some point), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence - Avengers (2012), F/M, Fluff, M/M, Maria Hill is a Good Bro, Multi, Peggy Carter Lives, Polyamory, Slow Burn, Smut, World War Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-05-16 11:38:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 65,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14810645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceshipdear/pseuds/spaceshipdear
Summary: Not only Steve wakes up sixty years in the future but it turns out that his best friend and his best girl are both alive to welcome him into this new century. Steve’s not sure he can deal with the changes that occurred when he was asleep but he doesn’t have time to dwell on it and has to jump back into battle, with a team of superpowered barely functional misfits along with him.Taking place at the end of CA: The First Avenger and canon divergent from there.





	1. Steve

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first World War Threesome story (or any kind of polyamory story actually) and it's unbeta'd so please be kind to me !
> 
> All chapters, beside the last one, have been drafted and I'll be editing them as I publish so I hope to have a nice regular publishing schedule. That being said, I'm not the most organized person when it come to posting fics so I don't want to commit to anything (like I'm not gonna tell you I'll be posting every couple of days, I don't want to disappoint you guys).
> 
> This is also the first time I'll be telling a story with multiple character point of views. The POV will change in each chapters, in various orders depending on where the story in going.
> 
> Warning to some of you that are more used to read strictly steggy stories from me, Bucky is very present here and there is a strong established past relationship between Steve and him. There'll also be a lot of Bucky/Peggy (like A LOT).
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Comments & kudos are food to my muse and if you want to talk some more, I'm [founderofshield](http://founderofshield.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr.

For a long while there was nothing. No noise. No lights. No movements. Only dark and cold. Black and ice.

Until it started again. Sound first, faint and far-away, voices whispering, others muffled by the distance. And then it was there. The eerie noise of breathing, low and slow. Someone alive, in the room. Close. Like they were watching. Then something louder. The distinct sound of a page flickering between fingers.

For a reason beyond him the breathing sound didn’t worry him. There was something reassuring. Something familiar and pulling him away from the dark and the cold. A rope he was grasping and drawing him back to the surface.

The light wasn’t blinding when his eyes fluttered open. The breathing sound stopped for a few seconds.

Feet walking towards him, a shadow, a scent. Familiar, again. Quiet footsteps and the shadow disappeared behind a door.

“He’s waking up.” The voice was loud. And a little broken. But, no. No that was not possible.

Steve’s eyes shot open, registering everything around him so accurately it was almost overwhelming. The silhouette of the man that was sitting next to him only minutes ago, the one that warned people outside the room that he was waking up, was there. His back was now resting against the faraway wall in front of him, half hidden by the shadow.

Steve was still so sure it was him. How could it be.

Suddenly he was distracted by a presence by his side.

“Steve, darling.” The melodic and soft voice of Peggy.

Steve’s eyes moved from the man’s silhouette to Peggy’s hand in his, holding so strongly. Her face was covered with concern and relief. God she was just as beautiful as in his dreams. They were small lines at the corners of her eyes, a seriousness in her features that could only be brought by age. It was subtle but he still noticed it.

“Where am I?” It seemed like the smart thing to ask first.

“You’re in New York, in the hospital. You were rescued in the Arctic ocean where the plane crashed. You were frozen, the serum kept you alive,” she explained with a faint tremor in her voice and shiny eyes.

“You found me.” He smiled but her own smile flattened and tears rolled out of her eyes. She turned her head and wiped them quickly with her free hand. Something was off with her. This weren’t tears of joy.

“How long?” He realized.

“Steve, maybe you should rest before we tell you everything. You were in a coma, for a very long time—”

“How long?” Steve repeated straightening up in the bed. Wires and tubes were coming from his arms and chest. He expected his muscles to be sore, to be weak. They weren’t. He felt perfectly fine. His throat was dry, but he couldn’t say if it was because of his unconsciousness or the anxiety that was building up in his chest. Something wasn’t right.

“Seventy years.” The voice of the man in the shadow said. Steve recognized it immediately. It wasn’t a dream.

“Bucky?”

Bucky stepped forward, revealing himself. Beside him Peggy squeezed his hand harder.

“That’s— That’s not possible. What is happening?” Steve darted back at Peggy. “Who is this?”

She sighed and patted the back of his hand, holding him strongly, grounding him.

“What is happening?” He repeated.

Something was off.

Steve looked around the room to find a potential weapon and check for exits, instincts to defend himself immediately kicking in. Two doors, one to a corridor, another to a bathroom. A window with a curtain blocking the sun outside. Probably big enough for him to jump through. He couldn’t know which floor they were on but this wasn’t a problem.

“Steve, I know this is unsettling. But—” She lowered her head and shook it. “We should have prepared this better.” She looked at Bucky who was worrying his bottom lip with the thumb of his gloved hand. “I told you you should have waited outside.”

Bucky took the few steps that separated them and stood by the other side of the bed. Steve felt cornered for a moment but he couldn’t take his eyes off Bucky. His hair was long, much longer and half of it was pulled up in a messy bun. His built was different, bigger, stronger. The way he held himself too, he was sightly hunching forward, like he was getting ready to charge into battle. But there was no threat in his eyes. His eyes. Steve would have recognized those eyes from anyone’s.

It was impossible.

“Steve—” Bucky started, his voice graver than Steve remembered.

“You’re dead.” It was the only thing Steve could say.

Peggy’s hold tightened and Bucky looked up at her.

“She found me too,” he said, his eyes on her, steady and certain.

Steve watched Bucky for a second before looking around himself. He noticed the monitors and machinery he was plugged in. There was something odd there that he couldn’t pinpoint. It looked like something out of Stark’s labs but the details were peculiar, like nothing he had ever seen.

Their clothes were different. Civilian clothes. Not from here. But not as if they were made in another country. The fabrics and cuts didn’t look like anything h had seen before. Peggy’s hair seemed different too. Longer, straighter and not styled as she used to wear it.

“I don’t understand,” he started until it hit him. “What year is this?”

He still didn’t believe what he was hearing and seeing. He still was scared this was a dream or a ruse. But the presence of Peggy and Bucky by his side felt so real. It was reassuring too in a way he wasn’t expecting.

“2011,” Peggy said bluntly.

“What?” Steve blinked. That definitely couldn’t be possible.

“We were frozen after you dived into the ocean with the Valkyrie, the serum has sustained you in a cryo state and we were able to bring you back. The process has to be slow, you’ve been out of the ice for about a month,” she said before Bucky picked up, Steve motioning mechanically his head to face him.  

“I know it’s a lot to process, we’re here to answer every questions Steve, I promise. It’s— it’s us. I promise it’s us.” Bucky’s fingers brushed his forearm. Steve noticed the gloves he was wearing.

He knew it was them. He couldn’t tell how but he knew.

“But how are you both… I mean I saw you fall, I—” He turned to watch Peggy carefully. “You should be ninety years old.”

“Technically I am.” She gave him a weak smile. “It’s a much longer story than yours I’m afraid.”

The door opened and a woman wearing white scrubs walked in, reading something on a flat plastic device and immediately stopped in her tracks when she spotted Steve sitting on his bed.

“He’s awake.” She walked closer typing her fingers rapidly on the device and mentioning to check his vitals in the monitors.

“Not now,” Peggy said firmly, in a voice she only used to give orders.

“But, Doctor Gra—” The nurse tried to move forward.

“I said, not now.” Peggy barely turned her head and didn’t have to look at the woman for her to back off immediately and retreat outside the room.

“I’m sorry, they are probably going to come back to check on you.” Peggy still seemed annoyed with the intrusion. She looked up at Bucky silently.

“Yeah, go.” Bucky nodded, answering a question she didn’t say out loud.

Outside Steve could hear people gathering close to his room, talking. They were calling doctors and other specialists. Steve winced, they were indeed coming here and he just didn’t want to deal with any of this just yet. Not when he still didn’t know if all this was even real.

Peggy stood up and put his hand back on the mattress, patting it nervously. Her eyes bore into his and Steve was almost sure she was on the verge of crying. She didn’t. She just leaned over and pressed her lips on his forehead. She lingered there for a little too long and Steve’s fist clench at the sheet under it. God it felt good.

When she finally walked away from his bed, Bucky opened the door for her.

“I’ll be right back,” he told Steve.

He followed her outside, careful to close the door behind him.

Steve sat down on the edge of the bed facing the window. Bucky and Peggy were still behind the wall of his room, and he could hear them almost clear as day.

_“Are you okay?”_ Bucky asked.

Steve could hear Peggy’s shaky breath.

_“Yes, yes I am.”_

_“You know you don’t have to be?”_ Bucky’s voice was soft and comforting, just above a whisper. _“This is a lot to take on for us too, not just for St—”_

_“James,”_ she cut him, _“I’ll be fine. Go back, don’t leave him alone.”_ She sounded upset.

There was a buzzing sound.

_“Is that Fury?”_ Bucky asked.

_“Yes.”_ This time she sounded annoyed. There was a muffled sound that Steve couldn’t really identify and then she let out a long sigh. _“Doctor Grand?”_ She called out.

Bucky walked back into the room at the same time Peggy was giving instructions about not disturbing Captain Rogers for the next few hours. That he was doing fine and Agent Barnes would call them if their assistance was needed. For now Captain Rogers needed to be briefed and understand the situation.

_Agent Barnes_. Not Sergeant Barnes. And her choice of words were odd. But it was certainly far stranger to hear Bucky being called by his christian name.

Bucky walked around and sat on the chair between the window and Steve.

“This is not a public hospital, right?”

Bucky shook his head.

“Military?”

“Not exactly.” Bucky cleared his throat. “I guess I can start with that,” he said, talking mostly to himself.

He looked at his friend for a short moment, something in his eyes like regret and sorrow. “I didn’t think I’ll ever see you again Steve,” Bucky told him with a small voice.

Steve’s chest started to felt tight and he wanted to reach for Bucky. Hold his hand, touch his face. Anything. He wanted to feel him, feel him alive. Everything seemed so unreal, Steve was paralyzed.

He was about to say something, he wasn’t exactly sure what, that he missed him, that he was sorry he failed to save him. But since Steve seemed too stunned by his confession, Bucky started talking again.

“We’re at S.H.I.E.L.D. It’s a private counter-terrorism and intelligence agency.” Bucky began. “Howard Stark and Colonel Philips founded it after the war. Peggy worked for the SRR for a little while but ended up joining them.”

“Wait,” Steve cut him suddenly, “the war? Is it over?”

Bucky smiled after being slightly startled when Steve cut him so sharply. “Yeah, yeah World War II is over. Allied forces won. Hitler was defeated. Don’t worry this isn’t some sort of dystopian future ruled by nazis.” Bucky half-joked and it drew a quick smirk on Steve’s face. Bucky was always the one engrossed in futuristic novels and sci-fi stories. The memory struck him all of the sudden.

“Still wouldn’t explain how you and Peggy are alive.” Steve fell serious again.

Bucky let out a long breath, bracing himself. And then he told him everything. Everything about how HYDRA recovered his barely alive body from the bottom of the canyon, how he lost his arm, how they replaced it with a robotic prosthetic, how they wiped him out of his identity. How he became the Winter Soldier, the ghost story, the killer who had to comply.

Steve listened to him, eyes wide and his brain going blank. There was a part of him that wanted to unhear everything Bucky was saying, that wanted to forget, go back to sleep and never wake up. He just didn’t want to face the fact that when he was mourning Bucky’s death and believed his friend was gone, he was being tortured and brainwashed. He should have looked, searched for him. Instead it felt like he had failed him all over again.

Steve was gripping at the edge of the bed so hard, the metal structure under the mattress started to grind and bend under his fingers.

“Easy now, it’s all over.” Bucky’s hand rested on Steve’s clenched fist, his expression reassuring.

Steve looked at the glove covering Bucky’s hand.

“You arm?” Steve asked weakly.

He believed Bucky. He was pretty sure he believed him but he needed solid proof to make it all real.

Bucky stood up and unzipped the hooded sweater he was wearing, letting it fall on the chair behind him. It revealed the metal arm hiding under. He removed the gloves and dropped them back on the chair too. Steve looked at every movement, every motion of the metal limb. It was graceful in a way, the motions smooth and almost silent, but Steve could hear a low whirr as the plates of metal shifted when Bucky made it move. It seemed so natural. It looked almost fake, like Bucky’s real arm was somewhere under it.

Bucky walked the couple steps separating them and offered Steve his palm for him to touch.

Steve didn’t hesitate and took it between his hands. It wasn’t cold and even oddly soft. He turned the hand of his friend a couple of time, brushing his fingers on it and trailed his eyes up to the sleeve of his t-shirt, trying to imagine how it looked under there.

“Does it hurt?” Steve practically whispered.

“Not anymore.”

When he lifted his head to watch his friend, Steve’s eyes were full of tears. He couldn’t contain them, it was too much. Bucky’s face twisted and he frowned in pain. His flesh hand reached the back of Steve’s neck, his thumb resting on his cheek and the touch made Steve inale sharply. He had dreamt of this so often. During the nights before he crashed the plane down the icy ocean, it was all he dreamt of. Bucky, here with him, by his side, under the sheets, his warm body curled against his. The memory of how it felt so vivid, he used to wake up sobbing at the loss of it.

Steve leaned in the touch and Bucky’s thumb stroke his cheek. It was real.

“Steve, don’t blame yourself. I’m back and I’m fine. Mostly.” Bucky’s words made Steve’s head look up at him. “Took a few years before I was whole again. I owe everything to Peggy for that.”

Bucky slowly removed his hand from Steve’s cheek. The soldier let his friend’s metal hand slip from his hold.

Something was off again. Something Bucky didn’t want to tell him.

“She—” he started, uneasily, “you have to understand this is not my story to tell. She should be the one to tell you.”

“What did she do?” The crushing pain in Steve’s chest was starting to grow stronger as Bucky went on.

“After the war, Russia and the Allied forces and especially the US engaged in what was called the Cold War, it lasted for decades and the repercussions have definitely shaped the world as it is today. In the late fifties, Peggy started to hear about reports of a soviet assassin taking action in the conflict,” his voice was quiet and Steve let him continue. “It was the Winter Soldier. Me. She discovered my identity and started a hunt to get me. To take me back home. But I wasn’t— I was not myself and I was strong. Even using S.H.I.E.L.D. resources, she couldn’t apprehend me. HYDRA had made me into a killing machine. You—” He lowered his head. “You have no idea what I was capable of. No one with normal strength could catch me. She became sure it had to be someone matching my abilities.”

Bucky sat back down on the chair, his hands rubbing against each other. “She did… something to herself to succeed in capturing me. Stark, Howard Stark had a sample of your blood and had attempted to recreate the serum for years.”

Steve felt an acidic taste raising from his stomach to his throat.

“Bucky, don’t tell me she—”

“She did, yeah. Not immediately, the serum was not ready. Stark assured her he eventually would be able to administer it but his research wasn’t complete yet. They decided to put her under cryo state, another of Stark’s experiment based on researches from Soviet scientific intel. She had to remain relatively young and he knew it would take a few years, they couldn’t risk her health or aging to be an annihilating factor. He woke her up almost two decades later. He was ready then and she went under the procedure.”

“Why did she do it to herself? Why, why didn’t they try something else?” Steve was at a loss with comprehending the foolishness of Peggy’s action. She could have died. She could have end up a monster like Schmidt.

Bucky shrugged defensively. “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. She has to explain all this. It’s not my place.”

“Is she alright? Her health, her—” he stopped himself to breath, “her mind?” He blurted out almost choking, panic filling his chest.

“Stevie,” Bucky leaned closer and took his hand. “Breath, remember to breath.”

Steve’s eye widen at Bucky’s words. He hadn’t heard that nickname since they were a couple of reckless kids in the street of Brooklyn and Bucky was looking out for Steve.

“She’s fine. She’s great,” he told him with a reassuring smile. “She’s strong, so strong. You have no idea what she can accomplish. The effects of the serum faded a bit, she isn’t as fast or powerful as you but she heals quick and ages slowly.”

“She found you? She got you out of HYDRA?” Steve seemed to be calmer, soothed by the reassuring strokes of Bucky’s thumb on his wrist.

“She did.” He continued for a while. Explaining the treatments he went under to get rid of the conditioning, to retrieve his memories and be himself again. Not that he would ever be the same man. And to some extent Steve understood. Their stories might be diametrically different, there was something in him that changed forever when he became Captain America. Bucky hadn’t sought to become who he was turned into while Steve volunteered to be subjected to it. But somehow they were changed not just physically and they could never go back.

Bucky was still talking about neuroscience, MRIs and neural pathways, terms that Steve could barely understand but he didn’t stop him. Just watching him, his lips saying those words, his hands moving while he gave him details, sometimes absentmindedly clenching his metal fist and soothing it against his thigh. It was mesmerizing.

Steve had no idea how long they had been talking. At some point Bucky went to collect a food tray in the hallway and told Steve to try and eat. He went slowly at first as per Bucky’s orders. But he was starving. As soon as he took the first bite, his stomach grumbled and almost twisted in pain at how hollow it was.

Bucky watched him devour the horrible hospital food in minutes and stood up to get two more trays. Steve put the empty one aside and thought that the second tray would be for Bucky but his friend then shook his head with a smirk.

“You eat. I’m good.”

Steve answered with a kind look in his eyes. Bucky was still looking out for him. Just like when they were young and he was making sure he always had enough food. Or during the war, when Bucky would give him half his rations falsely justifying that he wasn’t hungry anymore and Steve was burning calories faster and needed it more than him anyway.

Today there was no need to worry about Bucky. He looked well fed. He looked good actually. Real good. Steve had to advert his eyes from staring after a moment.

Bucky seemed to register his behavior. “It’s okay Steve. I don’t think I’ll be able to let you out of my sight anytime soon either.”

Steve kept his head down, not able to look at him, eating his third way-too-sweet yogurt.

The night had set for a long time outside. Bucky had pulled out a small device from his pocket a few times during the last hours. When it buzzed in his hand and he checked it again, hitting his fingers on it with dexterity, Steve finally inquired about it.

“It’s a portable wireless phone. Or more of a communications device actually.” Bucky extended the phone to Steve who turned it around in his hand, giving it a suspicious look. “You can make phone calls, send text messages. It takes photos and films. It can be used to access the internet, which is kind of a shared immaterial library anyone can consult and share stuff on.”

Steve could hear in Bucky’s voice that he was trying to explain in words that would make sense to him. It made him feel somehow inadequate. It also raised a new anxiety in his stomach. What if he wasn’t going to be able to adjust to this new world? He hasn’t been out of this room and he already wasn’t understanding half of what Bucky talked about.

Before Steve was able to give the phone back to Bucky it buzzed in his hand, startling him a little. Peggy’s name appeared on the screen followed by a message.

_Tony knows he’s awake. Who the fuck told him I don’t know but my bets are ..._

The message wasn’t complete. It was followed immediately by another one. Steve was able to read it quickly as he was giving back the device to Bucky.

_Let me know when you’re on your way home._

Steve tried to ignore that last message and blinked a couple of times when Bucky typed a quick reply and immediately put the phone back in his pocket.

“Who’s Tony?”

“Oh uh, actually it’s Howard’s son. Tony Stark. He’s, well, how to put that, he doesn’t exactly have abilities like you and I but he definitely is gifted.”

“Howard had a son?”

“Yes. If you’d seen him before I’d told you, you’d probably had guessed he was his son. The resemblance is uncanny. But don’t tell him that, his relationship with Stark wasn’t exactly good.”

“Why would he know about me? He took on S.H.I.E.L.D. after Howard?”

“No, he inherited of Stark’s Industry, Howard’s tech company. Or actually an empire, the guy is kind of a Rockefeller. He’s richer than his father and a bit of a genius too. Peggy is kinda trying to recruit him, to join S.H.I.E.L.D. She’s putting together a team of people with special abilities. The war’s over but there are still organizations and people out there that are threatening the world, and since you went under, we’ve encountered more and more powered people.”

“Powered?”

“We can talk about that tomorrow, Steve. You should rest,” Bucky said kindly as he stood up.

Steve realized he had leaned back against the pillows and that his eyes felt indeed heavy. He tried to shake the feeling aside. He had been awake for what? Three, four hours? How come he suddenly felt sleepy again.

“It’s normal to feel tired, it’s your body response to your injuries,” Bucky said like he was reading his mind. “Your healing abilities work best when you’re asleep, that’s how you survived that long under the ice. We know a lot more about the effects of the serum now. This was expected. I’m actually surprised you stayed up that long.” Bucky gave him a smile and put his hand on his shoulder.

“I’ll be back tomorrow first thing,” he continued while Steve nodded. “Peggy requested that the medical staff let you rest until morning before poking into you.”

“Will she be back too?”

Steve felt the heavy weight of his eyelids and hated the feeling. He didn’t want to admit he was terrified to fall asleep and never wake up again. Never see Bucky and Peggy again.

“Sure.” Bucky smiled again. “She’s been trying to keep the annoying crowd that want to talk with you away, but she’ll be back. Don’t worry.”

“Good,” Steve whispered, closing his eyes.

“Go to sleep. I’ll be there when you wake up.”

Steve knew Bucky stayed by his side until he was fully asleep. Even the serum couldn’t refrain him to be overwhelmed by the fear all this was a cruel dream as he drifted away into the darkness again.


	2. Peggy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the enthusiastic feedback I received on the first chapter!! I wasn't expecting it :) 
> 
> Now get ready for the angst to commence... I'm sorry I think I just like to see them suffer before being happy. I'm awful I know.

Peggy was already heading out of her office when she received a text from Bucky informing her he was leaving the medical facility. She had spent most of the afternoon and evening at S.H.I.E.L.D.’s headquarters while he was with Steve, filling out paperwork, making phone calls to people in high places and stalling Fury and Coulson. The later being way more insistent than Nick himself. She promised that Steve would meet them when he was ready. First he needed to adjust to his new environment and be greenlighted by the medical team. Not that she was worried about that last part. She was well aware of the healing capacity of the serum and he seemed perfectly alert when she left, maybe a bit in shock but that was understandable.

She continued to answer emails in the private car on her way to Brooklyn. It was late and initially she hadn’t intended to stay away from the medical facility all day. She just wanted to give Steve and Bucky space and quiet before everyone and their nephews barged in to assess and debrief Captain America.

As the day went by she felt anxiety creeping up at the back of her mind. Knowing that Bucky was with Steve, probably telling him about their pasts, turned out more unnerving than she expected. She couldn’t pinpoint why. Or she just wanted to avoid analyzing it all together. She was a level-headed person. She shouldn’t be bother as she was.

She could compartmentalize. She had to.

Steve and Bucky had shared history. Growing up together, falling in love, discovering the world and flighting side by side. Beside the last part she hadn’t share much with Steve really, she thought. Beside their connection. That strong and incredible attraction. Something she hadn’t experienced with anyone before him. She thought she had buried all those feelings for him years ago in a place in her heart where she would forever remember him fondly. She would always love him, but she had to protect herself from the pain of losing him.

It wasn’t fair. These feelings couldn’t come back to the surface to mess up with her life now.

She breathed in deeply. Now was not the time to recall what Steve and her had or hadn’t for that matter.

However she felt, she couldn’t compete with what Steve and Bucky shared.

She had to compartmentalize.

 

...

 

The apartment was dark when she opened her front door. She felt a presence immediately. Her footsteps were completely silent as she slowly progressed in the hallway leading to the living room. Her hand reached back to the gun secured in its holster, at the hem of her trousers. She rounded her fingers around the grip of the gun and relaxed her hold as soon as she recognized Bucky’s hunched-over silhouette, sitting on the couch. He was holding his head in both hands, resting his elbows on his tights.

“Jesus, James,” she swore, flicking the light on, “I almost shot you in the head.”

She walked across the large living room and sat down directly on the coffee table in front of him.

She heard him inhaling and exhaling carefully, like he was trying to control his breathing. Bucky had texted regularly during the day, saying that Steve seemed alright, that he was taking in everything.

Now she became worried that maybe she had overestimated Bucky’s abilities to emotionally handle all this.

“Are you alright?” She questioned softly, reaching for his knee and trying to find his gaze under the loose strands of his hair.

“He kept calling me Bucky.”

He passed his hands in his hair to push them away from his face, lifting his head to her level. His eyes were red and puffy, dried tear streaks still visible on his cheeks.

Suddenly Peggy realized that in staying away she had been selfish and hadn’t thought of how this could affect Bucky.

This last month, while he was watching over Steve, he had been so sure, so adamant he had to be there when his friend opened his eyes. Peggy had reservations. Steve thought Bucky was dead and she was afraid how he would react and that waking up in a new century was already too difficult to process without adding Bucky’s return.

All the while she hadn’t imagined that Bucky could have been the one to watch out for. He had been healthy and fully recovered for years. He was such a rock in her life now and he built a brand new world around them. She didn’t realize that Steve coming back could crumble all that. She felt guilty. She should have been there with him.

“How do you feel? Are you okay?” She asked carefully.

Bucky dismissed her, waving off with a bit of annoyance. He sniffed loudly.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry, I didn’t lose it or anything.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

That was half a lie and she knew he would pick it up.

“Yeah that’s what you meant.” His gaze was hard, the tension palpable and reflecting how this past month had developed between them.

She let out a breathe and backed off his personal space. “Not only.”

She stood up and went to the kitchen. It was fully open to the living area, a large luxurious marble island separating the two spaces. Bucky slouched back into the couch while Peggy was pulling out items from the stainless steel fridge.

“Come eat something,” she told him.

“Not hungry.” His tone wasn’t really convincing.

“James, come eat something.” It sounded like an order this time.

After a few minutes where Bucky didn’t move, Peggy put down the knife she was using to slice the bread loudly and gave him a stern look. He sighed, resigning to keep sulking and joined her.

“You’re so bossy,” he mumbled as he took the freshly made sandwich she was handing him.

She didn’t chuckle or smile as she usually did when Bucky was teasing her. Everything was too consuming today, she didn’t have the courage to indulge him.

He didn’t bother with sitting down and engulfed the sandwich standing up, both elbows resting on the kitchen island facing Peggy. She opened a bottle of bourbon and poured herself a glass. She jerked the bottle lightly in his direction, silently asking if he wanted one. He shook his head negatively.

She turned around to serve him a tall glass of water instead.

At least he seemed fine now. As fine as one can be considering the circumstances. She felt some relief.

Bucky had finished both the sandwich and the water by the time she had drowned down her glass and was already filling herself another.

“What were you able to tell him?” Peggy finally broke the silence as she sipped down the expensive bourbon, leaning on the counter behind.

Bucky scratched his stubble with his metal hand. “I tried to give him as much as I could. Showed him my arm.” Bucky looked down at his hand and shoved it in his pocket.

Peggy hated it when he was too self-conscious around her.  

“How did he react?”

“Not as bad as when I told him you took the serum,” he said, his head down.

For a second she felt relieved that she didn’t have to announce it herself, not having to face Steve’s reproach or disappointment. But it quickly turned into guilt again. She finished her glass too quickly and the alcohol brunt her throat a little. That felt good.

“Expect him to have more questions about this.” Bucky searched her gaze and she kept avoiding it.

She reached for the bottle again to fill her empty glass. She just couldn’t contain the anxiety building inside her and tried to contain the tears that threatened to come to the surface any time now. She hadn’t cried in a month. She was not about to break down now. She had to compartmentalize.

“You wanna slow down there?” Bucky walked around the island to gently take the drink out of her hand. He stood by her side and kept his hand above hers on the glass. She closed her eyes for a few seconds.

“He asked after you, Peg.” Bucky was watching her attentively.

“Did you tell him?” She waited for an answer. Bucky’s jaw clenched but he remained silent. “Did you tell him?” She insisted.

“Not yet. He wants you to visit him tomorrow. We should tell him together.”

“I don’t know if I’ll have time to stop by.” Her voice was trembling. She was ready to give a false excuse when Bucky stopped her by grabbing her chin between his fingers, forcing her to look at him.

“Don’t lie to me, please.”

His face was only inches away from her and all she wanted was to rest her forehead against his.

“It’s— it’s all too much,” she whispered weakly. “I need to give you your space, some time with him. I can’t be there.”

“Why?” Bucky frowned. “He wants to see you.”

“Don’t do this.” She looked at him pleading. “This is far more complicated than you want it to be. He’s back. He’s back in our lives. In _your_ life. Do you understand?”

Bucky kept frowning at her like he was trying to understand but couldn’t. His hand went to gently rest on her cheek. This was hard for her. Hard to express what she had feared for the past month.

“That doesn’t change what we have,” he said incredulously.

“Of course it does. Listen, back then, I know you two didn’t have a future. That time was not kind for this type of relationship, but today you have a shot. Maybe—”

“What the fuck are you saying?” Bucky backed off and removed his hand from her cheek.

“Come on James, you don’t have to dance around this. I know what he meant to you.”

For a second, Bucky watched her with something indescriptible in his eye, something she’s never seen before. Then he blurted out in anger.

“So what, you want me to forget everything we’ve lived together for the past two decades and run away with him? _Twenty five years_ Peggy, we’ve been together for twenty five years and you think because my best friend, the man I—” he was trying to find the right words, his nostrils were flaring. “The only other person I ever loved beside you is back from the dead, you think that’s gonna change the fact that you’re my wife?”

“Of course it will,” she let out before thinking it through.

“Fuck you.” He spatted out far too quietly and walked away from her, disappearing in the corridor.

He slammed shut the door of their bedroom and she jumped at the sound. Heavy tears were spilling from her eyes and she muffled a sob behind her hand, grasping at the kitchen island. After a few seconds of letting herself feel the pain, she straightened up and poured another glass that she drowned down in one go.

She stayed in the kitchen for a long moment, trying to recollect her thoughts. Everything she said to Bucky, everything was a lie. She didn’t want any of it to happen. But she was so convinced that it was the right thing to do. She was so certain she was the weak link here. She walked into Steve’s life when Bucky had already shipped to Europe with the 107th, something started then between them. She didn’t know at the time that Steve and Bucky were more than best friends. Steve barely talked about about Bucky with her, which made sense in retrospect.

When Steve brought him back from Azzano, Bucky had been clever enough to see that Steve had a future with her. A future he couldn’t give him. In the back of her mind she was convinced that this wasn’t really what Steve wanted. She could see it, the way he looked at his best friend. The way they looked at each other. They might have fooled the rest of the commandos, and she actually wasn’t so sure it had been the case, but they were certainly not fooling her.

The problem was that she fell for Steve, desperately. She didn’t want to face the reality. She loved the way he looked at her with admiration and certainty. She loved his courage and his kind heart. It felt so real.

When Bucky presumably died, she felt unprecedented guilt. Guilt because Steve and she might have their happily ever after. If Steve had still been there when the war was over, they would have marry. Probably had children. A family. A full life. A life that was taken away from Bucky. A life that could have never happen for Steve and Bucky because they weren’t born in the right century.

But now they could have all that. And she was there again, in the middle, stealing away their happiness. This time with Bucky.

She was crying again, trembling and gasping, her arms wrapped around herself when she felt Bucky’s hands on her shoulders. He turned her around in his arms, looking at her with sadness and pain.

“I’m sorry,” he softly said as she buried her face in the crook of his neck.

He lifted her from the ground and carried her to their bedroom. He settled her gently on the bed and helped her out of her shoes and her clothes. She was calming down as he pulled the covers above themselves, spooning her, his prosthetic arm around her middle. She reached his elbow and he tightened his embrace.

He kissed her shoulder, his lips lingering on the hot skin. “I’m never letting you go Peggy. You’ll have to fight me, but I’m not going anywhere and I’m never letting you leave me.”

She looked away in the distance. She wanted to believe him. She wanted this to be the truth. She was so scared to lose him. To lose them both.


	3. Bucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is an homophobic slur used in this chapter. In context for the period but I still want to flag it, just in case.

When Bucky woke up the next morning, Peggy wasn’t in bed with him. He rolled on his back and watched the ceiling. Last night has been a fucking mess. 

Even before last night he knew Peggy had some sort of anxiety regarding his relationship with Steve. He had noticed how she grew distant and uncertain ever since they got word of the rescue of Captain America from the ice. Alive.

The shock was so strong and unprecedented, he hadn’t paid attention at first. Too engrossed in the turmoil of feelings the return of the man he loved was shaking inside him. But as the days went by, Peggy kept spending hours and hours in the office, pretexting she had to prepare for the announcement of his return, to make sure he was provided for, that no one could get his medical reports, to keep him safe.

Maybe Bucky didn’t want to pay too much attention. Maybe it was easier to let her deal on her own. He had already so much to process. He should had been more careful. He should have make sure she stayed away from these doubts.

But he couldn’t deny that her words last night triggered feelings he has been trying to avoid at all cost since Steve’s return. 

Bucky witnessed it, almost every day. Same sex couples living in broad daylight. Getting married. Adopting children. There was still a long road to full acceptance ahead, but the difference from their time was both comforting and difficult to accept. 

Back when he was growing up, in a working-class district where religion was so present, he had to hide, to lie, to feel shame. They were told these men laying together were monstrosities, against nature. Ungodly. Not that Bucky ever really believed in God. But that was what they filled his head growing up.

He remembered that day when they were still teenagers, an older kid from their block called Steve a faggot. Bucky wasn’t usually the one to start fight but that day his rage had blown up in the kid’s face. It was the first time he tasted blood on his lips as he punched someone laying on the ground. They ran away, Steve and him, fleeing the scene and taking refuge in Steve’s empty apartment, her mother was at the local hospital, working her shift. 

Steve was cleaning Bucky’s knuckles, his light touches felt so reassuring. His friend confessed it that day. He displayed a courage that Bucky wasn’t capable of.

“But I think— I think I am a faggot.”  A scrawny  Steve confessed so lowly that Bucky almost didn’t hear it.

Bucky kissed him then, on the lips, for the first time. The surprised on Steve’s face was matching Bucky’s. 

Bucky touched his lips, his cheek, his neck, Steve closing his eyes to savor the moment. His touches moved lower, slower and soon Steve was panting and shaking violently, his fingers encircling Bucky’s wrist weakly. Bucky was fascinated, mesmerized by the beauty of Steve’s face in that moment. It felt so right. How could something felt so good and looked so beautiful when everyone was telling him it was immoral.

It didn’t happen again, not before a long time. They simply couldn’t. They felt ashamed. 

Bucky overcompensated with the girls. He liked them. At least some of them. He liked what he did to them and what they did to him. He took pleasure in it. It just didn’t feel as right as with Steve. The explanation was simple, he didn’t love those girls.

They were older when their relationship became more physical. They had to hide. And Bucky kept on seeing girls and trying to find a suitable one for Steve. They knew it was not going to last. At some point their families would want them to marry. There was no reason not to. In the meantime, when they were exploring each other, Bucky never felt anything more fulfilling and good.

Bucky closed his eyes and felt his aching length throb against the soft fabric of his sweatpants. 

He couldn’t let his mind wandered there. He loved Peggy. He loved her more than he loved his own life. She saved him. She taught him how to be whole again, how to be his own person, flaws and demons included. She took the entire package. She accepted him when everyone saw him as a monster. She saw beyond that. She still did. 

Tears were menacing to escape from his lashes when he heard a noise far away in the kitchen. She was still home.

He quickly stood up, unplugged his phone from the night stand to look at the time. 7:10. She hadn’t left for the office yet.

He shoved his phone in the pocket of the sweatpants hanging low on his hips and joined her in the kitchen. He had a few messages from Barton and the agency but he didn’t want to check them just yet. No alert had been issued and they knew he wasn’t taking new assignments until further notice. It could wait.

Peggy froze when she heard his footsteps entering the kitchen.

“Hey,” he said.

She kept drinking her coffee and pretended to keep read on her phone. “Good morning,” she answered trying to sound as normal as possible. 

Bucky walked closer to her and took the phone out of her hand. He set it aside and encircled her face with both his hands. He kissed her lips softly, simply pressing them against hers. He pulled away enough to catch her gaze. She smiled a little. It was weak but it was still something.

“Good morning,” he said in return and he kissed her again, pulling her closer.

She put the coffee cup down and let her hands wander in his hair. He loved it when she trailed her nails on his scalp. He let out a throaty groan and pressed himself against her. One of her hand slid down his neck, his good shoulder and his bare torso, scratching the skin a little before she pulled away.

“I have to be in the office soon,” she said quietly and he knew this time it wasn’t a lie. Still, he wished they could have a moment together after their previous night’s heated conversation.

He nodded and rested his forehead against hers.

“Are we good?” Bucky tentatively asked.

Peggy stayed silent a moment.

“I love you, James.” Her hand was warm on his chest and he ached for more. “I want to work this out,” she said with a tone he hoped was sincere. 

He pressed his lips against hers again and let her out of his embrace. “We will. We always do.” He gave her a small smirk.

“Maybe you can—” she hesitated. “Maybe you can call me when you get to the med bay? I’d like to see Steve.”

A bright smile enlightened his features then, but a small pinch in his heart was menacing to ruin everything. He chose to ignore it.

 

…

 

Steve was still asleep when Bucky arrived a few hours later. He sat down in the chair where the shape of his butt cheeks where probably permanently imprinted after the numbers of hours he spent here this past month.

His phone was lighting up like a Christmas tree with notifications of texts, emails and news. He had been ignoring it for too long. He took the time to answer but he definitely wasn’t going to start reading the billion reports his team was sending his way. 

He had requested a extended leave of absence from the agency. Very few people knew the reason. It was the first time he was taking time off since the five days trip to Bermuda Peggy and him took after their wedding, almost ten years ago. Then too, only a handful of agents from S.H.I.E.L.D. knew why and where they were going. Their relationship wasn’t common knowledge, although soon after their return the office was buzzing with gossip. Practically no one knew they were engaged or even together in the first place. But it soon died out as Peggy and Bucky weren’t giving anyone a lot to chatter about. 

Bucky worked in the tactical division, leading several teams for op missions, while Peggy was in a much higher and secretive department, maintaining worldwide communications and strategy. They barely were in the same place at the same time, beside Bucky visiting her office from time to time. And the few people at S.H.I.E.L.D. they trusted with their secrets weren’t the type to spread rumors. Even Barton as it turned out. 

Bucky looked back at the sleeping soldier. He was expecting this specific news to get out soon enough too. The later, the better for Steve.

Back to his phone, he answered Barton’s messages. The archer was replacing Bucky as head of the team and was one of the two agents that he trusted with information on Steve.

Better do your homework arrowman  
  
Don’t want to find a pile of unfinished reports on my desk when I come back  
  
When are you coming back btw? we miss you  
  


Bucky snorted out loud.

yeah sure  
  
I swear Marco is hugging your tact gear as I type  
  
Even Nat isn’t her cheerful self, she’s mopping in a corner and snapping at everyone  
  
Wait.  
  
She does that when you’re here too, guess she doesn’t really like you  
  


“What’s making you smile?” Steve’s voice took him away from Clint’s shenanigans. He put the phone back in his pocket.

Bucky shook his head. “My team. There’re a bunch of assholes. Nice assholes.”

“Your team,” Steve said pensively.

“How do you feel?” Bucky stood up to come closer.

“Like I slept too long.” He opened the covers and sat at the edge of the bed. “I think I need a shower. And I kinda want to stretch my legs.”

“Come on, let’s have breakfast.” Bucky went to the only closet in the room and threw a pile of fresh clothes at Steve’s chest.

 

…

 

Outside the weather was cool but not too cold, it was early spring and Bucky could see on Steve’s face that he appreciated being outside.

“We’re in April, right?”

“Yeah April 22nd. How d’you know?”

“You left a pile of newspapers by the chair. I woke up in the middle of the night and took a look at them before dozing off again.” He grimaced.

“Any questions on what you read?” Bucky offered.

Steve let out a huff of air. “Way too many questions,” he said with a smirk. “Not sure I can deal with it though. Not yet. One thing at the time.” 

Bucky could only imagined how overwhelming the outside would be for Steve. That part of the city changed so much since they were kids, not that they often ventured in Manhattan, but the changes were striking. There were new modern buildings, taller and brighter. More traffic, the cars were completely different. People. Their clothes. Headphones hanging from their ears. Longer hair, shorter dresses, higher heels. So many sneakers. 

Bucky tried to catalogue the small details that could seem out of place for Steve. Oddly enough Bucky had acclimated quite easily to this new world. Even when he accounted the years he stayed underground in an induced sleeping state, waiting to be deployed to wreck chaos and death, his memory being wiped out again and again, he acclimated. 

“Where are we exactly?” Steve brought him back to a brighter day than where his thoughts took him.

“Mid-town. Half this block is S.H.I.E.L.D’s base of operations. We have other facilities across the globe, more or less official. Peggy’s offices are in that building.” Bucky pointed out the tall glass building on the other side of the block. “It’s unmarked. We’re not exactly advertising our activities to the public.” 

“Do you work with the government?”

“Yeah, of course. Peggy is actually the liaison for the world council and S.H.I.E.L.D. She used to be the director of operations but stepped down when she went under cryo.” 

“Who’s the director now?” 

“Nicholas Fury. You’ll meet him soon enough.” 

Bucky pushed the door of a diner taking the entire corner of the block and stepped aside to let Steve in.

The diner was certainly old but it was one of those places that were impossible to date. Bucky hoped Steve could feel comfortable. Beside the flatscreen tv above the counter, the decoration and styling was pretty bland and timeless but the food was actually decent and affordable. He didn’t want to bring Steve to one of those trendy cafes that seemed to be popping out everywhere in the city. Bucky hated those places anyway. Barton was constantly trying to get Bucky to tag along in his quest to find the cheapest best coffee in the city. He had his fair share of obnoxious baristas.

They sat down in a booth close to the exit with a view of the street from the window. It was one of the old habits Bucky had a hard time breaking, always assessing his surroundings, making sure all the exits were known to him and he had an escape route. Even when there was no need.

“Why would I meet Nicholas Fury?” Steve asked once they settled in the booth.

Bucky snorted. “Because he needs to control everything. I’m sure he’s furious with Peggy right now, for interfering in meeting with you.”

The waitress came to serve coffee and take their order. Steve’s appetite apparently hadn’t lower and he ordered a 4 eggs omelet with mushrooms, a double ration of bacon and blueberry pancakes. And toasts. And a side of hash browns.

“Make it two.” Bucky gave back the menus to the waitress. 

She watched them blankly before looking at Bucky. “So not the usual? You sure you’re gonna eat all that?”

“Me? Probably not, but he will.” Bucky said lightly just as Steve called back the waitress asking if they had pie.

 

…

 

Steve devoured his food with raging enthusiasm, it reminded Bucky that Steve actually had lived on military rations for the past two years before today. The war seemed so distant, like another life. Sometimes that life was just as foggy as a dream. Bucky had to constantly remind himself that for Steve it was clear as day.

He had to cover his mouth not to laugh when Steve let out a loud appreciative sound as he started digging into his pancakes.

“God, this is so delicious.” Steve moaned, his mouth still half full as he shoved another spoonful in. 

“Wait up.” Bucky reached the syrup bottle and poured some over the pancakes under Steve’s questioning eyes. “Try that.” He nodded at him.

He moaned again with such delight that Bucky ducked his head down hiding his amusement and pushed his half-eaten plate towards his friend.

“You sure? ‘Cause I’m gonna clean that good.” Steve pointed at Bucky’s plate with his fork.

“Go for it. Plenty more where that’s coming from.”

“I’m starting to appreciate the 21st century.”

“I thought Peg and I would be your favorite things in this century, thank you very much,” Bucky joked, getting another smile from Steve and loving the sight of it.

Bucky called the waitress back for a coffee refill. “Wanna visit Peggy before we head back and face the delegation of doctors and scientists waiting for you in med bay?”

Steve’s smile flattered a little but he nodded. “Sure, if it’s not an inconvenience.”

Bucky shook his head. “She wants to see you.”

Steve nodded again for a moment too long and Bucky wished he could know what was going on in his head. It occurred to him that they will probably want Steve to talk to a shrink and he knew how daunting these talks could be. S.H.I.E.L.D. tried to force him to talk to a bunch of them. But none had the experience or the intelligence to understand they had zero competence in treating someone with Bucky’s past. 

Peggy was the only person in his life he would ever trust to talk to about who he was and who he had become. Bucky hoped both he and Peggy could be for Steve.

Steve took a piece of bacon between his fingers and popped it in his mouth as Bucky set his elbow on the table, resting his chin on his gloved knuckles.  

“Next time I’ll make you try burritos,” he said and Steve’s brows shot up in question.

His smile came back easily.

“What’s that?” He asked, munching his food. 

“You’ll love it.”


	4. Steve

Steve and Bucky walked in the lobby of S.H.I.E.L.D. unmarked headquarters. It was a different building than the medical facility but still on the same block. Steve wondered how many more of these buildings were S.H.I.E.L.D. and how big this operation was. 

Bucky took him to the security desk and handed him a small rectangular plastic card on a long ribbon that he guessed should go around his neck. He obliged and looked at the card which said “VISITOR - Level 1”.

“This is temporary,” Bucky said, implying that they could issue a more permanent one at some point. If he joined S.H.I.E.L.D., which he presumed was what Bucky meant.

A few people gave Bucky respectful nods as they ventured further into the building. Security guards called him ‘sir’ and ‘Agent Barnes’.

All the while Bucky was explaining to Steve what everything was meant for. The metallic portals in the lobby were designed to detect guns and other metal devices. They had to empty their pockets of change, phone and keys. There was nothing in Steve’s pockets anyway.

They passed in front of a row of elevators but instead Bucky lead them up the stairs to the second floor. Steve was able to get a better look at the place from higher up. Open spaces, large windows letting the outside sun come in but thick enough it seemed to keep the noise of traffic and street out. People coming and going like a ballet of faceless silhouettes, all dressed in black. So many people. Steve’s head started to spin for a second and he stopped before reaching to last step of the stairs.

Bucky was immediately at his side, his hand hovering at the small of his back without touching. Steve wished he did. He needed the support.

“Take a breath.” Bucky glanced around. “There’s an empty office just here, it’ll be quieter.”

Steve’s knuckles were white as he grasped the stairs’ railing. The spinning seemed to have stopped but the squeezing sensation in his chest was still there. Steve rounded his shoulders. He had been fighting nazis and bullies all his life, he just couldn’t panic about being in a crowd. 

“No, I’m good.” He put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “Let’s keep going.”

“You sure? We’re in no hurry.”

“Yeah I’m sure,” he breathed out.

Steve let go of the railing and didn’t look if his fingers had left a dent on the metal. He followed Bucky to a long corridor leading to a single elevator, removed from the main accesses.

Bucky slid his card on a small machine commanding the elevator and put his hand on the screen on the wall. It flashed a green warning with a ping. Bucky wasn’t commenting anything anymore. Steve knew he was concerned and he hated it. He hated being a burden in general but today it seemed like he felt even more inadequate. 

Bucky was typing rapidly on his phone while they waited for the elevator. A frown was creasing his forehead.

“Buck,” Steve started as the elevator signaled its arrival with a discreet ping. Bucky’s head darted up at Steve. “I’m fine.”

They walked inside and Bucky had to slid his card again before hitting the 28th floor button. 

“I know,” he said without looking at Steve, the tightness on his features visibly not relaxing.

Steve put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder blade to catch his gaze.

“I know Steve. I just—” Bucky stopped himself and looked down. Steve could swear he felt him push his back a little further into his palm.

“Stop worrying. You’ve done too much of that for a lifetime.” 

“I’ll never stop worrying about you, punk.” A tiny smile drew at the corner of Bucky’s lips. Steve let his eyes linger there, on the full curves of his lips before straightening and removing his hand from his back. 

When they arrived on Peggy’s floor it was pretty much empty. The number of desks didn’t match the few people milling around and Steve suspected the floor had been cleaned up of its staff at Bucky’s request. It pissed him off but it was also comforting. He had to face the fact that he was clearly not ready to be around too big of a crowd.

Steve followed Bucky at the very end of the open space to an office with glass walls. A man, presumably Peggy’s assistant, was sitting on a desk and welcomed them warmly.

“Good morning Agent Barnes, she’s waiting for you.” 

The young man didn’t take his eyes out of Steve as he stood up and walked around his desk to stand by the door. He extended his hand without hesitation to Steve. 

“Captain Rogers, Sir. It’s an honor to meet you in person.”

Steve took his hand and offered a half smile. The young man was military for sure, it seemed that some things hadn’t changed much in the way soldiers held themselves and talked.

“Thank you.” He wanted to ask when and where he was deployed but remembered that he still had no idea where current conflicts where taking place. It would be pointless.

“Welcome home,” the assistant said kindly.

“Martin, let go of his hand, you’ll have plenty of time to be starstrucked later,” Bucky commented.

“Yes, sorry sir. Please.” Martin corrected quickly, standing tall and opening the door to Steve and Bucky.

As they walked past him and the door shut behind them, Bucky had a knowing smile on his face. 

“The kid’s terrified of me.”

The ‘kid’, Steve thought, was probably older than himself.

Steve finally registered the room he just went in and spotted Peggy standing by the window. She was wearing an elegant dark blue pantsuit with a white breathy blouse. Her hair was collected in an intricate bun and she was talking on the phone.

She turned around as soon as they walked in and blinked a couple of times with a blank face.

“That’s correct senator. Now if you’ll excuse me I have some other business to attend.” She said with a tact and firmness that Steve had always found fascinating. “Of course, you’ll be the first one informed.” 

She gestured to the chair in front of her desk for Steve to take a sit. He didn’t sit, too absorbed in observing her quiet strength. 

“Thank you, you too.” She concluded the call.

The office was a pristine place, elegant but efficient too. It was modern but had a quality and a ambiance that reminded him of his time. Dark wood, strong built. There were some framed photographs on the furniture behind her desk that were too far away for him to see. He thought he recognized a picture of the Commandos taken in the french Alps about a year ago. Or sixty years ago actually. He kept needing to remind himself.

Steve’s eyes finally landed on Bucky slumped on a small couch in a lounging area, comfortably settled against the pillows like he belonged in the space. He removed his gloves and dropped them on the coffee table before bending over the couch armrest to reach a mini fridge hidden in a cupboard matching the rest of the furniture. He helped himself with a bottle of sparkling water, popping out the cap with his metal hand in an easy swift motion.

“Hello Steve,” he heard Peggy behind him. 

She was standing only a few feet away with a small smile and kind eyes. The bright sun filtering through the floor to ceiling windows was accentuating the brightness of her hair and the pale glow of her skin. 

Steve wasn’t sure what to do. He wanted to hug her, he wanted to encircle his arms around her shoulders and feel her against him. If he was even bold enough he wanted to kiss her red painted lips, the memory of their one and only kiss still fresh in his mind. Like it was yesterday. 

But it happened decades ago for her. 

She gave him a gently squeeze on the forearm and peaked around him at Bucky.

“Can you not put your feet on the table?” She asked with an annoyance that seemed more familiar and kind than real displeasure. “Have a sit,” she offered Steve as she sat on the couch armrest.

Steve sat on an armchair, avoiding to be too close to either of them.

“How are you?” She asked kindly.

“Good. I mean, yeah as good as I can be.” Steve glanced at Bucky for a moment. 

His friend was watching him carefully with something serious in his eyes. But he didn’t say anything. Steve wasn’t sure if he was going to keep his episode in the lobby from Peggy or was just sparing Steve the embarrassment of talking about it in front of him. 

“He ate half of the kitchen at Scotty’s for breakfast,” Bucky only stated.

Peggy had an adorable grimace of disgust on her face. “Have you considered that this greasy cooking isn’t exactly healthy for him right now? Did he eat anything fresh at least? Fruits? Wheat bread?”   

“Oh come on.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “Let him live a little, he just got out of military rations, or do you not remember how bland those were?”

“Still, in his condition—” She started and Bucky was already opening his mouth to protest.

“You realize that I’m right here?” Steve commented wryly as he watched the exchange. He considered adding ‘mom and dad’ to enphase the sarcasm but it was probably inappropriate, considering. “It was really good but I promise I’ll try a healthier option next time.” He offered to Peggy.

“Good.” She nodded once.

The room fell silent for a moment. Bucky was sipping at his water, watching her at the corner of his eye and Peggy was looking everywhere but at the two men. She seemed nervous although her body language was just as composed as ever. But Steve knew better.

His eyes dropped at her hands, neatly folded in her lap and that’s when he noticed it. A ring. A simple thin gold band, on her left hand. A wedding band. The shock of it was so sudden it knocked his breath out of his chest.

Bucky leaned on his elbow towards Steve immediately. “Stevie?”

“Am huh—” Steve blurted out, taking his eyes away from Peggy’s hand. “I’m fine. I’m fine.” He shook his head trying to chase the image away.

Peggy frowned, seeming unaware of what caused Steve’s sudden surprise. “You should go back to the medical facility. Doctor Grand and his team want to see you before getting you discharged.”

“Discharged?” Steve asked, his pulse starting to slow.

“Yes, they’ve already done extensive tests on you when you were comatose. Under our supervision,” she added quickly, extending her left hand towards him for reassurance, which didn’t help considering what he just saw there. “Nothing invasive and they didn’t keep any samples of your blood or tissues. James was there practically 24/7 to make sure of it.”

Steve watched Bucky for a moment, before returning to Peggy, trying his best to avoid staring at her left hand and to not fixate on the fact she called him James again.

“They want to perform a final check up, just to make sure everything’s fine to let you out. Your recovery was sort of a miracle for them. Although the medical team was carefully selected for their ability and knowledge to deal with, how should I put it, uncommon physiology. It was slow at first and this past week the extensive healing your body demonstrated had accelerated drastically. There’s really no reason now to keep you in this tedious room.” 

“It can wait until tomorrow if you’re not up for it,” Bucky intervened.

“I’m sorry but he has to see the doctors. Taking him out today was a infraction. The paperwork for his release isn’t ready and you know I can’t always cover for you,” Peggy said, not sounding exactly annoyed, more like this wasn’t a surprise and she was used to give him this kind of warning. 

Peggy didn’t think Steve needed more medical attention and didn’t appear worried about his current state. But from what it seemed she had a habit of making up for Bucky’s disregard of orders. Oddly enough Bucky has always been the rightful one, following command has never really been an issue for him. If anything, Steve was the rebellious one. But when thinking about what Bucky had been through, it might have something to do with making his own decisions now. At least it was the only explanation Steve could think of at the moment.

Bucky simply shrugged at Peggy’s comment.

“You sneaked me out?” Steve asked.

Bucky shrugged again with a smirk. “You wanted to stretch your legs.”

“So I’m your excuse?” Steve matched his smirk.

“Trust me he doesn’t need any excuses to misbehave.” Peggy stood up and walked around her desk to consult something on a screen sitting in the middle of her desk. “I can meet you there in a couple of hours, after lunch.” 

The screen was her schedule maybe? Steve hasn’t been out for more than a few hours but he already stopped asking himself what the hell all these machines were meant for.

Bucky stood up and threw the empty bottle with precision in the trash can next to Peggy’s desk across the room.

Peggy put a gentle hand on Steve’s bicep. “I’ll see you soon.” 

“Sure. See you later Peggy,” Steve said politely trying to hide the uneasiness that ring on her hand was still rising in him.

“James!” She called when Steve followed his friend through the door, “you better take him directly to Grand.”

“Yes Ma'am,” Bucky offered in the distance while Martin the assistant was giving Steve a sharp farewell nod. 

_ James _ .


	5. Bucky

There were at least five doctors and as much nurses and assistants crowding the room back at the S.H.I.E.L.D. medical facility. Bucky was quietly waiting in the corner for the medical staff to finish performing their tests. 

At some point Doctor Grand, a tall middle-aged woman with silver hair, came to talk with him.

“Agent Barnes, I know what we’ve been instructed but a blood sample would help tremendously in coming with a diagnostics for Captain Rog—” 

“Secretary Carter orders are clear. No samples.” Bucky cut her firmly. 

A few moment later they informed him that they wanted to do a last MRI. Bucky allowed it and before letting them take him he told Steve he had his authorisation to punch anyone who tried drawing his blood to which Steve answered with an amused huff and a nod. Doctor Grand glanced at Bucky with a mix of annoyance and contempt. 

He obviously trusted Steve to protect himself, but nonetheless Bucky sent one of the agent watching the hallway with them, instructing him to never take his eyes of Steve. Although the medical team was S.H.I.E.L.D., when it came to Steve’s safety he didn’t want to take any chances.

He closed the door of Steve’s room and called Fury directly. He has gotten messages and alerts starting an hour ago that something had been going on at the Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S. base where they kept the Tesseract. 

Fury has taken the project under his wing for the last few months now. Bucky had been directed to insure the base’s security but Fury was hiding the big picture from him. Bucky was fairly certain it was not just about sustainable energy. He knew Peggy’s clearance allowed her to be aware of the full extent of the project but she wouldn’t tell him anything which was currently annoying Bucky more than he wished for. Those past couple of months had been a bit of a challenge for their relationship because of Fury’s little science project and obviously Steve’s rescue.

“I’m on my way to the base, Barnes, I’m not sure exactly what is going on.” Fury practically barked at him.

“Hawkeye says that the Tesseract is behaving, emitting unexpected levels of Gamma Radiation.”

“I’ll call you as soon as I know more.” The sound of the helicopter muffled Fury’s voice but Bucky’s enhanced hearing helped him understand what Fury was saying.

“Should the base be evacuated? Do you need reinforcement?”

“You done babysitting?” Fury said wryly.

“That’s none of your concern.” Bucky answered with an irritated tone.

“You’re my agent, Barnes, so whatever you chose to do with your time is always my concern.”

Bucky’s jaw tightened. He was no one’s propriety anymore and he sure as hell wasn’t Fury’s.

“Do you need reinforcement?” He repeated.

“We’ll handle it,” Fury concluded, “we’ll keep you inform,” he said dryly before hanging up.

Bucky dialed Clint’s number but the archer didn’t answer. He sent him a text instead, asking him to watch out and get everyone out of there if things got heated, the priority was to keep the staff safe, not the Tesseract. They had no way of knowing what this thing could really do. 

A dark and unwelcome feeling started building in Bucky’s guts and told him that this wasn’t going to end well. And half his team was at the base, Barton included. Thankfully Natasha Romanoff has reported returning to NYC this morning.

He pulled out the file on the Tesseract he had stashed in Steve’s room, hoping to show it to him when he was ready. Now wasn’t the ideal time, not yet. Steve has been awake for twenty four hours and there was still so much he needed to tell him before that. Guilt was eating him up. He just couldn’t keep his relationship with Peggy from his best friend. But he wasn’t alone in this and she needed to be here to tell him too. Steve deserved the truth from the both of them. 

Steve walked back into the room with Doctor Grand. She was alone, her army of medical minions was probably analyzing the results.

“I’d like to keep him in observation for a few days if that’s alright by Secretary Carter.” Doctor Grand was clearly annoyed that Peggy and Bucky had the last say when it came to Steve’s health decisions. Obviously she was the medical professional here and pretty much knew what she was talking about. But Peggy and Bucky had far more experience with the serum and its effects. 

Honestly they just indulged S.H.I.E.L.D. and the World Council with all these tests. If it had been up to Bucky, Steve would have stay at their place, under their surveillance until he woke up. And he wouldn’t have even told anyone of his friend’s reappearance. He would have let Steve take the decision on how to deal with everything. It was his life after all.

But they had no other choice than involving the higher powers since his discovery wasn’t made by S.H.I.E.L.D. Thankfully it had been agreed to keep it out of the public eye. For now. God he missed the eighties and how easy it was to sneak out without all that increasing surveillance technology. Forging a passport was such a piece of cake back them. He remembered when Peggy took him out of the country to Europe with ease so they could deal with everything.

“What do you want to do?” Bucky asked Steve who seemed taken off guard and stammered for a second. “It’s up to you.” 

“I don’t know… I guess we should listen to— huh.” Steve wasn’t sure what to say under the insistent looks of both Bucky and Doctor Grand.

“Could you give us a moment Doc?” 

The doctor sighed and agreed before leaving the room.

Steve sat down on the bed, he didn’t look as exhausted as the night before but his colors hadn’t return completely.

“I want to get out of here. I think,” Steve said hesitantly.

“It really is your choice. You’re gonna be cleared but if it’s easier to take things slower and stay here for a while, it’s totally fine Steve. I’m sorry if going out this morning was a bit much. I didn’t think. I’m sorry,” Bucky said, apologetically. 

“No, no, don’t be sorry,” Steve sighed. “I really thought I’d be find out there. I feel so stupid, I should be good, I mean—” he stopped, biting at his bottom lip.

“You don’t have to be fine. Feeling disoriented it perfectly normal. This is a pretty traumatic experience. It all must feel so foreign.”

“Well, not everything.” Steve lifted up his eyes to Bucky’s. “You’re here. And Peggy too. It’s already more than I could ask for.”

Bucky had a weak smile and he felt his pulse racing. Steve’s look was so earnest, so faithful. Bucky felt like he was about to throw up. 

“I don’t want to stay here,” Steve suddenly started again before Bucky had time to collect his thoughts on how to break the news to Steve. “I want to sign that discharge form.”

Steve nodded with resolute certainty.

“Alright,” Bucky breathed out.

Bucky’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He didn’t want to pull it out. He really didn’t. He wanted to focus on Steve, he wanted to tell him everything.

“Fuck,” Bucky said between clenched teeth. 

“What is it?” Steve was up from the bed in a second and next to Bucky as he pulled the phone out of his pocket.

Barton’s number was displayed on the screen, Bucky answered.

_ “Sir, we got a problem. A big one. It’s active, something is going to come through,” _ Clint immediately said as Bucky picked up.

“Buck, what’s going on?” Steve repeated, alerted by Bucky’s worry frown.

Bucky lifted up his finger to Steve.

“Something? What do you mean something?”

_ “I don’t know but this is a freaking portal to space and something has activated it on the other side. So that means we got incoming. I don’t know when or what, but I wouldn’t assume they’re going to be friendly,” _ Clint said seriously.

“Where’s Fury?”

_ “With Selvig.” _

“Okay, get ready to evacuate the base. I’ll be on my way,” Bucky hung up and paused a second in front of Steve.

“I feel like I’m repeating myself. But—” Bucky reluctantly pulled out the file. “I’m sorry to drag you into this. I think we might need your help.” 

“What’s this?” Steve asked without looking at the file yet.

“Open it.”

“You’re already giving me a mission?” Steve raised a brow. “I figured you’d want to recruit me for SHIELD operations at some point but that’s pretty fast. Don’t I deserve at least a long weekend off after surviving a plane crash?” Steve was half joking. By the look in his eyes, he clearly understood the concern and the urgency that this phone call raised. 

Steve had a point though and it made Bucky’s stomach sank further with the timing he had no control over.

“I don’t really have a choice,” Bucky answered seriously.

Steve’s mood immediately shifted and he opened the file in his hand, displaying a picture of the cube.

“Is this a fucking joke?” He glanced back at Bucky, hard lines creasing his forehead.

Bucky shook his head, gravely.

“I’m not asking you to jump in right this minute, but you need to know what’s going on with the Tesseract. Please read the file,” Bucky jerked his chin at Steve to encourage him to take a closer look.

“I don’t need to read this to know that thing should have stayed at the bottom of the ocean,” Steve answered sternly.

 

...

 

Bucky left Steve at the hospital, giving him time to process the information. He was hopeful they wouldn’t have to involve Steve just yet. But he at least owned him the truth about the cube being used by S.H.I.E.L.D. 

A chopper had been dispatched on the heliport on the roof and Bucky was on his way to fly to the Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S. base. He was going through the security point at the S.H.I.E.L.D. operations building when his phone buzzed with a red alert indicating that things had taken a serious turn at the facility where the Tesseract was kept.

“Shit.” He greeted his teeth before climbing the stairs two by two and getting into the first conference room he spotted. 

A few people were having a meeting inside and he ordered them to get out. A tall dark haired man stood up to protest and Bucky slammed his level 8 security clearance card on the table.

“Get the fuck out,” he stressed already pressing the commands to close the blinds for privacy.

Everyone cleared the room quickly and the man apologized but Bucky ignored them as he took the remote to lower a couple of screens from the ceiling. As soon as the last person was out, he typed his security code on the computer commanding the screen display and pulled the surveillance footage from the base.

He dialed Barton’s number as he switched between the different security feeds to understand what was happening. It looked like chaos there and already some cameras were shut down because of the damage. Barton wasn’t picking up and soon Peggy’s name was displayed on his phone.

“I’m in 203B on the second floor,” he let her know immediately.

One by one every single camera feed turned to static blank images. Bucky was pacing and trying to reach Clint, Fury or anyone else who was there, when Peggy got into the room, Natasha following behind her.

Phil Coulson finally picked up. Bucky connected his phone with the speakers so both women could hear.

“We're getting everyone out.”

“What is happening back there?” Peggy asked, both hands flat on the table in front of the speakers

“Can’t say I’m 100% sure. But Barton and Selvig are compromised.”

“What?” Bucky barked. He looked at Natasha eyes wide. The spy had a blank stare on her face but the tight set on her jawline betrayed her composure.

The sound of destruction got louder in the background and they couldn’t hear Coulson over the phone anymore.

“Coulson, talk to me?” Bucky tried to reach him.

Coulson wasn’t answering, the engine of the car was roaring over the rumble of chaos.

“We’re out!” Coulson screamed. Bucky let out the breathe he had been holding. “There’s casualties, I don’t know how many, probably hundreds. Fury is out. The Tesseract is gone.”  

“What do you mean gone?” Peggy asked.

“It’s been stolen ma’am. It’s— Loki, he came through the portal and—” The phone line was cut off.

Bucky’s hands grasp the back of a meeting room chair and launched it across the room. It landed on the wall with a loud thud. Both Peggy and Natasha were silent and looked at the speakers in disbelief. But quickly Peggy went into motion, she logged into the system. 

“You need to brief Captain Rogers,” Peggy ordered Bucky as she kept typing. Outside the room, a code red alarm started blaring, informing the agents and staff at the base that they needed to get into briefing for an emergency.

“He’s not ready.” Bucky took a hard gulp.

“Then get him ready, and quick,” Natasha said harshly. Bucky and her traded a glance. 

She was worried about Clint, Bucky could read it on her face. There was no time to coddle Steve anymore. They needed him. Whatever Loki’s plans with the Tesseract were, it was all hands on deck. They needed this new team of superpowered people to get together.

“I’ll send a briefing package to medical. I can go there myself to talk with him.” Peggy straightened up to face Bucky.

“No. I’ll do it,” he answered firmly.

Peggy turned to Natasha. “I need you to go somewhere. The details are in your inbox.”

“Banner?” Bucky guessed.

“Yes. I believe it’s time to assemble the team.” Peggy said, matching what Bucky was already thinking. “I’ll assign Coulson to Stark.”

“Thank God, I’d rather deal with Doctor Jekyll than Stark again.” Natasha said sounding almost relieved and then left the room.

Peggy and Bucky looked at each other for a moment, an understanding that the situation had turned to hell passing between them. He reached for her hand and squeezed it, his thumb giving her wrist a quick stroke before they closed the computers and exited together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this chapter the events will be tied up more closely to what happened in the Avengers movie. It's not a rewrite of it, you'll see it develops pretty much the same way but adding Bucky and Peggy into the mix. There will also be a little bit more action.
> 
> Thank you all for the comments and kuddos, they truly give me motivation to edit this story quickly and post it! I don't think I've ever posted anything that fast hehe. Love you guys <3


	6. Peggy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of background on Peggy and Bucky (and Tony) here. I hope it's not too dense. Ask me anything in the comments if you're wondering about Peggy and Bucky's pasts ! I have a pretty solid backstory in my head.
> 
> Also this chapter is NSFW ;)

“I can’t tell you more over the phone, you’ll have to come directly to the location.” Peggy was pinching the bridge of her nose.

 _“Come on Peg, I know your line is more secure than the Pentagon's, give me something.”_ Tony answered over static in her headset.

“Agent Coulson shared with you everything we could at that point.”

_“Yeah, I learnt that he’s called Phil today. We’re on first name basis apparently. Well I am anyway. He still needs to call me Mr Stark obviously.”_

She could hear Tony’s smirk in his voice. God, Stark boys were so annoying sometimes.

“Tony, I don’t have time for a banter right now.” The aircraft started its descent on the helipad. She glanced down at the gigantic ship where hundreds of people were already coming and going on the bridge. She had to give it to Fury, no matter how many time she had been on the helicarrier now, every time it looked just as impressive as the first.

Tony promised her to consider and to keep her posted. Which in Stark’s language, at least when he was addressing to Peggy, meant he was on board. He rarely led her on.

Peggy was under cryo when Tony was born. Saying that she was shocked when she learnt that Howard had a son and was married, was an understatement.

After Howard did his best to remove the trigger words from Bucky’s brain, they fled the country, her and Bucky. He needed time to recover and was still a wanted man in the US where the Cold War was still very much a thing.

Peggy met Tony for the first time when she returned to the States with a semi-healed Bucky. Tony was around ten and already a bright and gifted child.

They had a complicated relationship as Tony became older. Obviously there was a strong connection, both Peggy and Bucky had been part of Tony’s life growing up into adulthood. They were close with the Stark family. They’ve seen him through his highs and lows. Peggy actually stopped counting the numbers of times she had to help him out of a heated situation with the police for being inebriated or that one time (or was it two?) for indecent exposure after being caught with a woman in an alley behind some sort of club. She never judged. She knew how his relationship with Howard had evolved over the years. Her friend was not a good father. He was neglecting Tony for his work. She had tried time after time to talk some sense into him, but it did more damage than anything so she eventually stopped interfering.

Her contacts with Howard became even more sporadic after he stepped down from his position at S.H.I.E.L.D. They were disagreeing too often and Peggy disapproved of the business Howard was conducting under Stark Industries, which she had obviously no say in but she couldn’t help to feel concerned when she witnessed the descent of her long time friend.

The distance it put between Peggy, Bucky and the Stark family didn’t help with the young Stark.

Tony had resentment for Peggy. But especially for Steve. Bringing Captain America in a conversation with him always brought out a dark bitterness in his voice. She couldn’t exactly blame him. Howard did made one of his life goal to recreate the serum. Mostly for her. But also because he missed Steve and wanted to honor him. He always said Steve was his greatest accomplishment. When a kid hears his father say those words his entire life and never directed at him, it wasn’t good for his self-esteem and self-worst. Although it looked like Tony has more self-esteem than one person could handle, she very well knew it was just a facade.

There was something about Tony that would always feel like a failure for Peggy. One of the many in her life, but one that she felt meant a great deal. She liked the kid, he actually was the only child that she was ever close with during her long life. Bucky and her have talked about having children and considering how their biology had been modified, it was out of the question. She saw Tony growing up, becoming the genius that he had always been. She always felt proud of him. She loved him dearly and she wished he shared this feeling.

For some reason Tony had always seemed to like Bucky a bit more. There has always been some understanding between them even if they bickered way too much when they were together. Peggy wasn’t jealous maybe a little bitter, not about Bucky nor Tony, probably about the circonstances.

Their relationship clearly deteriorated after Howard and Maria were killed by HYDRA’s agents coming after the serum.

Again, the serum had come between him and his father. Tony became even more reckless, following into the steps of Howard and Obadiah Stane. Peggy watched it happened from afar, she itched to do something but it wasn’t her place anymore.

Then Tony went missed in Afghanistan and came back as Iron Man. Immediately after the press conference, she went to see him. They reconnected. Peggy believed it might be something she said.

_“Guess I’m joining the club of super special weirdos now.” Tony started sarcastically. “Do I get a membership card? Is there a welcome basket?”_

_“You never needed an armor to be special Tony. Not to me,” Peggy answered._

Tony made a strangled noise then but didn’t say anything.

Pepper Potts invited Peggy and Bucky to lunch a week later and they were both surprised to meet with Tony as well. It didn’t became a recurring event. They were not going to be celebrating Thanksgiving together anytime soon, but something shifted in a positive way. Peggy was glad to see the direction Tony, with Pepper’s help, was taking Stark Industries.

She wasn’t sure how Tony would react seeing Steve. He was aware Captain America had been rescued from the ocean, that he was alive. How exactly he obtained this information, she still had to learn. But she wasn’t surprised. Tony had resources and when he put himself to work, he was good. Very good. One of the many reason she wanted him on the team.

Peggy crossed over the tarmac to the control room. Maria Hill was already in place and Peggy gave her a light tap on the shoulder and a warm smile to salute her.

Peggy knew Maria ever since the S.H.I.E.L.D. training center. Every year she used to review the new recruits and she had immediately been intrigued by the young woman. She was strong, really clever and a bit a smart ass, but still focused and determined to be the best amongst a majority of men. She reminded Peggy of herself when she joined the military. They had grown from being mentor and mentee to actual friends. There weren’t a lot of people that Peggy trusted with the story of her life.

Quite a lot of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents knew who she was, where and when she was coming from. It wasn’t exactly a secret but it was still classified. She and Bucky were some sort of myths. Their lives were an urban legend that no one really believed in. There were very few details out there that were accurate.

Maria knew pretty much everything. Peggy trusted her and she was glad she found someone to confide in. Someone she could call a friend and that wasn’t either dead or in a nursing home.

“How are you?” Peggy asked the agent.

“Pissed,” Maria answered her as she watched over the control room and paced around the platform.

Peggy assessed her from head to toe, carefully looking at the way she walked. Peggy knew she hadn’t suffered any serious injuries but she still worried.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’m sure you asked for my medical file so you know I’m fine.” Maria looked at Peggy pointedly with a smirk.

Peggy gave an apologizing look but wasn’t sorry. Maria was right, Peggy asked for the medical report as soon as the younger woman was checked up. When she remembered the feeling of dread than ran thought her spine as Coulson said everything was gone at the base, knowing that Maria was possibly somewhere under the crumbles, Peggy still had shivers. She needed a confirmation that Maria wasn’t injured.

“Secretary Carter.”

She heard Fury greet her as he walked towards them.

“Director,” she said giving him a firm nod.

The three of them looked at the agents in their posts. The atmosphere was quiet, for now. They all knew it was the calm before the storm.

“Are they ready to step in when we’ll need them?” Fury asked without looking at Peggy.

“Most of them.” Peggy glanced down at her phone where a notification from Bucky just appeared. “Captain Rogers and Agent Barnes just landed. Agent Romanoff is flying over Banner as we speak.”

“ETA on Stark?” Fury lifted his eyebrow.

“Still to be determine,” Peggy said, her lips forming a flat line.

“Coulson said he wasn’t exactly on board.”

“He’ll be there,” she was sure of this. “What about Thor? Any new intel on his whereabouts?”

“As far as we know he’s still worlds away. We’ve consulted with Dr Foster but she doesn’t know how to contact him.”

“Or she doesn’t want to tell you. She doesn’t exactly trust S.H.I.E.L.D.,” Peggy turned to face Fury, crossing her arms in front of her. “Not that we can blame her for that.”

Fury’s jaw clenched but he didn’t add anything.

“Ma’am, Sir”, Maria called out, her hand on her earpiece, “everyone is accounted for,” warning them that the last of the Avengers they were expecting had arrived.

“Time to take off.” Fury walked around the command chair to sit in.

Maria shouted her instructions to leave and the helicarrier started shaking around them as it lifted up from the sea.

“We're at lock, sir,” Maria told Fury.

“Good, let’s vanish.”

The mirrors on the exterior of the battleship shifted in place, making it disappear in the clouds. Peggy walked over to stand next to Fury.

“We can’t rely on Thor to help us get to his brother. There’s no way of knowing if he’s even aware of what’s happening here,” he said.

“Indeed, we cannot. But I have a feeling he will show up. Whatever that Asgardian is here for, I’m sure it’ll bring Thor back to this Earth. Right now he’s the only one that can tell us more about him.”

“You think bringing them all together to fight Loki is our best option?”

“Don’t you?”

“They’re pretty unbalanced. A genius that turns into a uncontrollable monster, a billionaire with an ego bigger than Queens, a former soviet assassin, well, two former soviet assassins, a World War II soldier that slept for 60 years under ice and an alien God that we need to bring in to fight his lunatic brother? Sometimes I wonder why we thought this would work,” Fury said pensively.

“The oddest teams make the best fighters. Believe me,” she answered, remembering the first time she saw the Howlies working together in the field.

The two of them turned around when a new group of people entered the control room. Bucky and Steve were accompanied by Coulson, Natasha and Banner.

The greetings were kind of stiff. Everyone seemed to be a little on edge, especially Steve and Bruce. They both looked around the space with dubious eyes. All of them walked to a console at the top of the bridge, overlooking the control room and Fury explained to Banner how they were currently searching for the Tesseract. Natasha walked him to his lab and soon after they all dispersed around the space.

Maria asked Bucky and Coulson to join her at the command bridge to talk about their current trajectory, leaving Peggy and Steve alone.

“So, I thought nothing could really surprise me more than waking up 60 years in the future,” Steve said as he joined Peggy’s side. “But this is another level.”

Peggy gave Steve a warm smile while she kept her arms crossed in front of her, watching over the platform. “Wait until you see your suit.”

“Agent Coulson mentioned it, yeah. I always thought you hated the thing?”

“Me? Hated your suit? Why would you think that?” Peggy asked, surprised.

“Dunno, you always looked at me with annoyance and I don’t know, a strange insistence when I wore it in the field. Didn’t think you’d make me wear it again.”

Peggy bucked her head down, concealing a laugh. “Oh Steve, honestly,” she shook her head a little, “I have never been fond of the Stars and Stripes, still think they’re a bloody target on your back. But I definitely had a great appreciation of how the suit hugged your body.”

She glanced up at him through her eyelashes and Steve started to blush very visibly.

“I— huh,” he started to stammer and cleared his throat.

He looked absolutely adorable when he was all flustered and blushing. It wasn’t really fair from Peggy to do this, she always knew the effect she had on him. But being able to see him react as he did made her heart flutter in the way only he could. It was a nice feeling that she hadn’t expect to experience ever again.

“We also got your shield,” she added to put an end to his embarrassment and collect herself. She just couldn’t be seen flirting with Captain America, no matter the gossips that had been around for decades about them two. And it definitely wasn’t fair to him. She couldn’t let this type of behavior slip.

“My— my shield?” Steve’s head turned back sharply at her.

 

…

 

They were given a tour of the ship and a briefing with Fury, while Peggy headed back to her quarters to get work done. She was sitting at the small desk adjacent to the bed when Bucky entered the room several hours later.

“You were not lying about this base,” he said kicking out his shoes as the door closed behind him.

Peggy wasn’t exactly sure in which timezone they currently were but it was about 2am, eastern time, for them. Bucky looked exhausted.

“Did you get any sleep last night?” She asked, her eyes narrowing.

“Just as much as you probably.”

He crashed on the bed without getting out of his clothes. His arm went to cover his eyes and he let out a loud sigh that almost sounded like a groan.

“Get some sleep, there’s nothing much to be done until we get a potential location on the Tesseract and the hostile.” She turned around, looking back at the laptop in front of her.

“I’ve always known that cube was a bad omen. Steve is right, it should have stayed at the bottom of the ocean,” Bucky grumbled.

Peggy tensed up and let out a deep sigh. Of course he was right. She was about the answer when she closed her mouth, her lips forming a thin line. She just couldn’t go down that road, too much was at stake.

She heard Bucky shuffle on the bed beside her, and saw him get up at the corner of her eyes. He stood behind her and pushed away her hair to free her neck and trail soft open-mouthed kisses all the way from behind her ear to her collarbone.

“You should get rest too,” he said between kisses, his hot breath on her skin. She closed her eyes and her hand went automatically behind his head to encourage him to continue.

It felt so good to have his lips against her skin. Honestly after twenty years in a relationship, especially the rocky one they had, her attraction for him should have worn off, at least a bit. It was the exact opposite. She missed him more than she wished for when he was out on missions or when she was on trips to D.C.

And this past month when things were so complicated and emotionally exhausting, they both shut down, unable to express themselves and talk with each other. That manifested physically too, they silently put a distance so they could deal with Steve’s reappearance on their own.

But this. His touch, his lips, his warmth, she missed it. She missed him so damn much.

Peggy stood up slowly, Bucky backed up to leave her room. He looked at her with something like hope and doubts and it broke her heart.

She put her arms around his neck, trying to put away this idea of him and Steve finally able to be together. It was always at the back of her mind, always looming. She waited with dread for the moment Bucky would tell her he was choosing Steve. It had to happen. He had to choose him.

But right now she wanted to be selfish. She just wanted to be with her husband. Even if it would be the last time.

He kept watching her, his hands stroking her sides, digging into her flesh possessively. She needed to chase all that angst away. And that’s exactly what she did as she pushed him back onto the bed and slowly undressed him.

She kneeled down on the floor when he was completely naked, already so ready for her and she took him in her mouth, eliciting a throaty groan from Bucky.

She worked him up exactly how she knew would drive him mad. She licked and kissed and filled herself with as much of him as she could until he was a breathless mess, laying back on the bed, naked and panting and beautiful.

His metal hand was covering his eyes and then she climb on top of him, after getting her panties off and rolling up her skirt above her hips. He uncovered his eyes, they were full of unshed tears.

She stopped there a second, to watch him carefully before she started to grind her wet core slowly against him, never breaking eye contact.

He slipped his real hand between their bodies and started stroking her, his eyes fixating on hers too. Soon her breathing turned ragged and she rocked harder, the friction and Bucky’s fingers sending her over edge. Bucky’s eyes became more hooded, a darker shade invading his piercing blue. His metal hand on her hip clenched as she started moaning and her head dropped back. God she had missed him.

She cried out his name quietly and he straightened up to capture her mouth, not letting her a second to recover from her orgasm. He kissed her like his life depended on it. Like he did so many times before, desperate, pleading, holding onto her to stay afloat.

She hated it and loved it at the same time. When he felt so vulnerable and open in her arms, when he finally let himself go and reveal his fears, she loved it because it meant he trusted her entirely. She hated it now because it also meant too much was happening in his head. Because she was sure he was thinking of Steve.

He was hard again and she guided him inside her without breaking the kiss. It was so familiar and somewhat every time it was different. Each time it seemed like it peeled another layer of who he was. So she looked at him, never taking her eyes away, never letting go.

He groaned loudly, his eyes closed, his hands trailing inconsistent patterns on her back, the metal hand feeling slightly colder and smoother. She cupped his face in her hands and forced him to look at her.

He shot opened his eyes and she rocked her hips faster. His mouth opened and stayed agape as he watched her. The heat in her belly was spreading everywhere, hitting every nerve and muscle.

“James,” she murmured as her breathing became more and more labored.

“I love you,” Bucky said in response, just as breathless, “I fucking love you Peggy Carter,” he whispered as he came inside her and she gripped his hair, feeling her walls closing in spams around him.

They stayed exactly like that, nested together for a long while.  

Under her palm, Bucky’s skin, slicked with sweat, was turning cold. She was still almost fully dressed so Bucky slowly started removing each item of clothing with care, leaving soft and warm kisses on her body as he went.

Soon they were under the covers, facing each other, he was stealthed inside her again and they rocked in rhythm, slowly, languidly.

Bucky fell asleep before her, she was right to believe he was exhausted. She stayed awake for a while, watching him. She took her time to trace the maze of plates and grooves on his metal arm before her eyes dropped on his relaxed face and on his lips, slightly opened, full and perfect. He always looked so peaceful when he slept.

She mapped out his face just as he was today. When he was still hers.


	7. Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a chapter that gave me a lot of work and I'm still not satisfied, so one day I might edit the shit out of the first part of this chapter. But I don't have the courage right now (started a new job this week and it's very draining). I still hope you'll enjoy it! The last scene is a bit better than the beginning I promise! (also get ready for everything going to shit...)
> 
> Thank you all for reading and for your kind comments. You can also find me on Tumblr @[founderofshield](http://founderofshield.tumblr.com/)

“Time to go,” Bucky said as he poked his head through the half-open door of Steve’s quarters. It was early morning, only a day after they arrived at the helicarrier. 

“Do we have a location?” Steve immediately stood and started following Bucky in the corridors around the ship. If they had already a location on Loki it either meant that S.H.I.E.L.D. and Banner were far better than he thought, or that this wasn’t a good sign.

“Yes we’ve got a hit. Stuttgart, Germany.”

“Oh,” Steve felt quiet.

“Yeah,” Bucky answered knowingly.

If it had been up to him, there was one place Steve was sure he wouldn’t have gone anytime soon, it was Europe and more specifically Germany. Bucky had briefly explained how the end of the war happened and what were the repercussions. How Germany and its population had taken a terrible toll after the war too and how they put the country afloat to become one of Europe’s economic and cultural center. 

Still it felt odd to go back there, in what was enemy territory only a week ago for him. And to fight an evil being from outer space. 

In these moments he tried to remember why he took the serum in the first place.  

A door slid open to reveal an armory. Several weapons were stacked on the walls offering a choice that Steve had never seen. He never cared much about weapons, his S.H.I.E.L.D. was enough for him most of the time but as much as Bucky hated fighting and being in the war, Steve knew Bucky always had a things for firearms, specifically long range and assault rifles. And here he had more that he could wish for.

“That’s a wet dream for you right here,” Steve teased as he assessed the assortment.

Bucky snorted out loud. “Don’t speak too fast Captain,” Steve looked at him as the term rolled on Bucky’s tongue. He pressed a button on the far end wall of the narrow room and a panel opened up. 

Behind it a brand new suit baring the colors of his old one was displayed carefully, each element on its own stand, gloves, belt, helmet, it had everything. His name was written on a plaque under the alcove.

His shield was hanging on the wall in its own compartment. The paint was brand new and Steve gave it a long lingering look. He stepped closer and let his fingers lightly touch the fabric of the suit.

Bucky explained the material used for this one was made of kevlar and bullet-proof. It was almost an armor, far more resistant and aerodynamic than what Howard Stark had created for him back in the days.

Bucky opened another wall panel that revealed black and blue suits and accessories that Steve assumed were his.

“Come on, punk, suit up.” He turned halfway to get a hanger out of its closet space.

With no warning Bucky lifted up his t-shirt above his head, exposing his full metal arm to Steve.

Steve stared. His eyes lingered on his shoulder and the criss cross pattern of scars. The prosthetic covered the shoulder almost entirely and the skin there was jagged and scared in a way Steve hadn’t imagined. Some marks were long enough to reach half-way through his pectoral and Steve realized that it looked like Bucky had clawed on the metal, lacerating the skin permanently. Like he had desperately tried to take it off.

Steve quickly averted his eyes. It hurt to see it, it was just as the scratching were marking his own heart.

Noticing Steve’s stare Bucky slightly turned his back to the soldier as he unfolded an undershirt. 

“It’s not pretty, I know,” he said barely above a whisper, his head bowed down, a sort of shame in his voice that Steve couldn’t fathom. 

None of this was Bucky’s doing, none of this was his fault, that much Steve understood and he pained him to see Bucky feeling ashamed of what they had done to not only his mind but his body too.

Bucky hastily slipped on an undershirt. But before he had covered himself something caught Steve’s eyes. A necklace that was hanging on Bucky’s neck. A simple silver chain with a small round pendant hanging on it. He blinked as he felt like his heart skipped a beat. Could this be…?

Steve froze for a second, fixating on the round shape that was still visible under the thin fabric. Bucky frowned but didn’t have time to question him, Steve was already turning away to busy himself gathering his equipment on a bench. His heart rate wouldn’t slow the fuck down. He tried to pull it together. They were about to engage in a mission, he couldn’t be distracted.

A few minutes later they were heading to the docking bay to board a quinjet. Natasha Romanoff fell in their tracks.

“Gentlemen,” she said and looked up and down at Steve. “Is this vintage?” She asked with a smirk.

“You know it’s not,” Bucky answered, in a defencive tone.

“Might as well be, the colors are a bit much,” Steve said matching Natasha playful smile. “But I worn worst. Actual tights that unfortunately didn’t leave much to the imagination and I was on a stage every night. So that’s an improvement.” He gestured at his outfit.

Natasha huffed a laugh, satisfied with Steve’s come back.

“I still know all the words to that song.” Bucky smiled to himself.

“Oh God,” Steve muttered, not willing to get into a playful banter right now, “can we just focus on the mission please?”

Bucky and Nat traded a glance but Bucky thankfully stopped with the teasing.

“Nat and I are taking the wheel, you’ll be on the ground. I’m there for backup in case things go south but you’re the most fitted to apprehend the hostile,” Bucky explained as they boarded the plane.

“Copy that,” Steve answered.

“Welcome on board, Captain Tightpants,” Natasha said as she sat on the pilot chair and started the engine.

 

...

 

Capturing their opponent turned out to be easier than Steve anticipated. Maybe a little too easy. Even with the theatrical arrival of Tony Stark in his Iron Man armor. 

 

…

 

Back at the helicarrier, in the labs created for Banner and Stark, the mood had drastically shifted.

“Looks like the world hasn’t changed a bit in the last few decades. You knew about this?” Steve turned to watch Bucky as Tony had revealed S.H.I.E.L.D. plans of building weapons with the Tesseract. A project called Phase 2.

It matched the weapons Steve found moments earlier, they had HYDRA blueprints all over.

Tony, Steve and Bruce’s eyes were on Fury and Bucky.

Bucky crossed his arms and started pacing the room but didn’t say anything. Clearly he was just as upset as Steve and something there didn’t sound right. Bucky looked unprepared for this revelation. Steve might have felt anger towards S.H.I.E.L.D. and especially him and Peggy which he thought he could trust with anything when he found the weapon storage, now he wasn’t sure that Bucky had anything to do with this.

“Looks like Peg hasn’t been sharing her intel with you,” Tony told Bucky, dryly. “Or where you both in on it since day one?”

Peggy and Natasha walked in the room in this exact moment. 

“We had nothing to do with this,” Bucky spat back watching Peggy carefully.

They traded a glance that Steve wasn’t sure how to interpret, it definitely wasn’t conniving.

“Yeah well, once a bad guy, always a bad—” Tony started but was cut by Bucky.

“You better watch your mouth, kiddo.” Bucky took a couple of steps toward Tony his metal fist clenching at his side.

“Kiddo? Really?” Tony said in surprise, looking outraged.

“That’s enough.” Peggy intervened firmly just as Steve was about to put himself between Bucky and Tony. But soon the room erupted in arguments between everyone until they finally realized what was happening.

Most of them were facing Bruce. “You wanna know my secret, Agent Romanoff? You wanna know how I stay calm?” He said as Natasha, Bucky and Fury put their hands on their firearms.

“Doctor Banner,” Steve started saying calmly, “put down the scepter.”

That was when the shit hit the fan, with a special appearance of Banner’s alter ego and the return of Clint Barton. 

S.H.I.E.L.D. and the newly-formed Avengers managed to take back the helicarrier, everyone on board having to engage in the fight, including Peggy who took down several of Loki’s agents with tranquilizers. Her aim was just as phenomenal as Steve remembered. 

But there were casualties. Banner and Thor were launched out of the aircraft and unaccounted for. 

And Coulson was gone. Fury used his death to incite the Avengers to work better as a team. Steve knew it. He started to understand how the man was working. He didn’t approve but at least, now they were all on the same page. They needed to stop Loki. And he wasn’t willing to trust S.H.I.E.L.D. with it.

After forming a plan with Tony Stark, he went to look for Natasha in the medical bay. She was by Clint Barton bedside. She vouched for Barton and when Steve was about to leave after telling them to suit up, she called him back.

“James didn’t know,” she said with certainty.

Steve believed her. And whatever he felt towards his oldest friend, they needed Bucky if they wanted to win this fight. Steve found him in the armory, hunched over on his knees, his head hanging low.

“Buck,” Steve called out quietly although he knew Bucky was aware of his presence.

Bucky stayed silent but straightened up to watch Steve. He recognized grief in Bucky’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry about Agent Coulson,” Steve said, but he didn’t have time to dwell on this, no matter how much it hurt to see Bucky in pain. “But we gotta go.”

“Where?” Bucky frowned.

“Stark and I figured out where to find Loki.”

Bucky was up on his feet in a second and Steve led the way out of the armory. 

“Do we tell her where we’re going?” Steve asked as they walked side by side on their way to the quinjet station.

Bucky didn’t say anything at first then replied firmly. “No. We don’t have time for that.”

Steve wasn’t sure Bucky’s response was motivated by whether they had enough time or not. But he didn’t push further.

 

…

 

Steve looked up to see another giant Chitauri creature coming through the hole the Tesseract had ripped open in the sky above New York. He didn’t have time to react to the new coming threat as a chunk of the building he was standing next too started collapsing. Natasha was dangerously close to being crushed under and Steve ran to push her out of the way with so much force that she landed several yards away from harm. But Steve didn’t have time to get out of the way and he witnessed a swarm of aliens coming at her as the heavy debris collapsed on him, trapping him under the weight of several building floors. For a moment everything was black and eerily quiet before he came back to himself. His S.H.I.E.L.D. was covering most of his body curled into a ball. It was stuck in between blocks of cement and heavy metal structure. He was trapped.

Steve tested carefully how the debris were piled up above him by pushing up the S.H.I.E.L.D. with all his body’s strength. The remains of the building started cracking loudly and dust and concrete fell around him, crushing him deeper into the ground.

“Fuck,” he muttered just as he heard something above him. He couldn’t see from under the shield but suddenly a ray of daylight shined in front of him. Someone was digging him out. He put all his strength again into pushing up the debris above him and when finally he was able to uncover himself from under the shield, he saw a metal hand grabbing a block of cement and throwing it away. Bucky’s form appeared in the back-light and Steve felt an incredible relief to hear his voice calling him.

Bucky grabbed his wrist and pulled him out, his face was covered in dirt and his forehead was glistening with sweat making his worried frown look even deeper.

“You alright?”

“I’ve been better,” Steve said as he bended back his upper body, the bones of his back cracking loudly as they were put back in place.

“You telling me you’re too old for—”

But Bucky couldn’t finish his smart-ass remark and was captured away on one of the smaller alien ships. The creature that grabbed him by his torso in both his clawed-hands tried to drop him off from several yard up but Bucky held on the edge of the ship with his metal hand, his body hanging in the void.

“Bucky!” Steve yelled and immediately went chasing after the ship, his shield solidly secured on his forearm. He ran as fast as his body was capable of, climbing on cars after cars and gained enough momentum to launch himself from the roof of a bus, landing almost perfectly on the alien ship where Bucky was still hanging from.

His additional body weight and the force of his launch made the ship unsteady and it started losing altitude. Their enemies didn’t have time to react before Steve hit the fighting alien’s face with his shield The creature fought back and tried to attack Steve with its claws. Steve avoided the hit and placed his free hand on the back of the alien head as he pushed his shield on its neck on the front, ripping the alien’s head off, the loud screech of the creature covering the sound of its blood splashing all over Steve. 

Bucky let go of his hold of the ship to lend on the roof of a car under him once the lifeless body of the creature fell from the ship. Steve took down the other alien piloting the ship and jumped out of it before it finished its course, crashing on the ground further away.

When Steve got up on his feet, Bucky extended his hand to help. Steve took it gratefully. Bucky didn’t look hurt. There was a smile on his face and a look in his eyes with something like pride and awe that made Steve’s heart flutter slightly. 

“What were you saying?” Steve said, a little out of breath. He still had Bucky’s hand in his.

In their earpieces they heard Clint’s voice. “Mhm guys,” the archer said, still perched at the top of a building somewhere. “Who the fuck is Bucky?”

Bucky and Steve looked at each other briefly before Bucky clasped Steve’s shoulder, still holding his hand. “Get used to it,” Bucky answered as he gave a bright smile to Steve.

Steve blinked a couple of times not sure how to react. The last ten minutes, and really the whole twenty four hours have been quite a rollercoaster of emotions and new information to process. Almost being crushed under a building and ripping off the head of an alien warrior to save the man he loved was just the tip of the iceberg.

But he didn’t have time to dwell on his feelings, let along lost himself in Bucky’s warm smile. Natasha called them out in their comms.

“Hate to break up such a lovely moment guys, but a little hand would be welcome here,” she said sounded almost composed but the strain and breathlessness in her voice betrayed that she was in a tedious situation. 

They both looked in her direction about a mile away and saw a herd of creature which numbers increased as she was trying to fight them back. Clint’s arrows flew immediately taking down a couple of aliens just as Bucky and Steve started running side by side to help Natasha.

 

...

 

It turned out that Tony’s idea of getting shawarma was not as silly as they thought. Steve remembered how, at the end of most days, the Commandos, Peggy and him often got together around a fire in the forest or inside an empty house in the countryside somewhere in France or Austria to share rations and sometimes a bottle of anything they could scavenge or were given as a thankful gift. This wasn’t far too different. Well except the food maybe. And the people he was with. There was a God from outer space dressed with a cape sitting across from him for Christ’s sake. 

The shawarma was good though and he ate two of those plus half of Bucky’s second serving.

When they all exited the place, Tony said his goodbyes and flew away immediately to the last floor of his now half destroyed tower. Thor decided to go back to the helicarrier that was docked in at large of Manhattan to keep an eye on his brother whom they delivered to Fury immediately after taking him down. Banner wanted to take a better look at the Tesseract and make sure it wasn’t out of control anymore and Natasha offered to go with him. 

They were all in front of the Shawarma place, saying a quick goodbye that they all knew wouldn't last for long. They might need to get some rest after the events of today but they all had a say in what would happen to Loki and the cube after today. 

“So,  _ Bucky _ , how come it’s the first time we heard this  _ adorable _ nickname?” Clint said with a smirk.

Steve made a small grimace as Bucky and him exchanged a look.

Natasha smirked, almost suspiciously.

Bucky shook his head. 

“Don’t try to use that against me,” he planted his eyes on Steve’s, “I was just waiting for the right person to bring it back.” 

Steve’s heart made an unsteady beat in his chest.

 

…

 

Bucky and Steve decided to walk back to the S.H.I.E.L.D. base in Midtown. Peggy had came back there to start overviewing the city rescue as soon as the portal had been closed. They both needed to see her. They didn’t voice their doubts on whether or not she was involved in the Phase 2 fiasco, but they still wanted to make sure she was alright.

As they walked in the semi-destroyed city, Steve’s stomach twisted as he discovered the devastation. Unmarked rescue vehicles that Steve knew were S.H.I.E.L.D.’s, as well as firemen and paramedics from stations everywhere out of the island were already at work. 

Hundreds of people were dead, probably thousands. They should have stopped this sooner. He knew they had done their best considering the lake of knowledge on the situation and especially the fact that they were all strangers with pretty traumatic past experiences trying to work together. All in all it could have been much worse. They ended up functioning as a team. 

Steve’s outfit and shield didn’t get unnoticed and as they walked the few blocks separating them from their destination some people recognized them. They went to shake their hands, thanking them, crying sometimes. It was just a few persons but it made Steve feel both proud and terribly sad he couldn’t do more.

Beside the couple of interruptions from grateful strangers, Bucky and Steve were mostly silent until Steve remembered that back at the Shawarma place Clint mentioned taking a few days off.

“Where’s Barton going? Does he have a family?” Steve asked out of the blue.

“What?” Bucky’s eyes were taken away from a particularly destroyed building he’d been fixating on for long minutes as they walked towards it.

“Hawkeye. He said he was taking time away.”

“That’s classified,” Bucky answered, trying to avoid the question.

“I thought I had higher clearance than him,” Steve said back suspiciously. He knew Bucky too well to not caught a lie.

“It’s personal then,” Bucky gave him a crocked smile.

Steve hated that Bucky had been lying to him. It honestly annoyed him to no end and he had a feeling that this wasn’t the first time he did so. Peggy as well. And he pissed off Steve more than he wished for. 

These feelings were everything he never hoped to feel towards either of them. And it was getting difficult to ignore it now that the fight was over and his mind wasn’t busy with something else, like trying to save New York City and the rest of the world.

He felt Bucky tensing up next to him but didn’t elaborate.

 

…

 

They reached Peggy’s office floor relatively quickly. The agitation was off the charts. Most of the agents present there were trying to get some work done, but Steve noticed a few of them crying in the corners, getting comforted by other co-workers as they probably learnt news that they lost people during the battle or were still trying to hear from their relatives. He gritted his teeth trying not to get too upset at the sight. There wasn’t much he could do now.

Martin wasn’t his cheerful self and even Bucky gave him a silent and comforting tap on the shoulder as he walked by him. Peggy was with a few agents from her staff when they came in. She tensed up a bit as her eyes went from Bucky to Steve but she quickly pulled it together and asked everyone to get out after giving her orders.

For a second she hesitated, taking a tentative step forward, her forehead was creased with worry. But she finally walked quickly towards them. Steve watched her taking Bucky into her arms, both hands grasping firmly at the torn fabric of his suit with something that resembled desperation. His friend returned the embrace and closed his eyes for a second as he pressed his face into the crook of her neck.

Steve was immobile next to them unable to take his eyes away. Their embrace didn’t last, barely a few seconds and Peggy pulled completely away before taking a good look at Bucky from head to toe and held his chin in her hand examining the deep cuts and bruises on his face. 

“You should go to medical,” she said with a light shake in her voice.

“That's nothing. It’ll heal quick enough and they have other people to attend to that need it far more than me,” Bucky said softly.

Peggy let out a deep sigh and turned to Steve, her face just as worried and like she was on the verge of crying. He didn’t say anything. He knew his features weren’t welcoming, that she probably had picked up he was upset with her. It didn’t prevent her to gather him in a hug as well.

It was strong. Far stronger than what Steve expected. Her hands were spread over his back and she pushed her full body against him. And she lingered there. Steve closed his eyes, letting go of his internal turmoil of feelings and hold her too. He buried his hands in her hair and breathed in her scent. He felt good to be held on like that after flighting as they did. By someone you loved especially. 

He knew this lasted too long but he couldn’t let go. Steve heard Bucky move away from standing next to them and opening the fridge. 

Peggy finally was the one to detached herself from Steve and when he looked over Bucky, the man was watching them with something that Steve interpreted as a bit of sadness in his eyes. 

“Are you alright?” She asked him.

Steve turned his head back to face her but didn’t have time to answer. The door of the office opened and Martin said with an urgency in his voice that the Council was on the line, waiting for Fury and her.

Peggy sighed and watched both men before exiting the room.

Bucky laid back on the couch, a bottle of water in his hand. He covered his eyes with his good arm. Steve walked over to the window to look outside and to put some distance between him and Bucky. 

The city was a war zone. He hated how familiar the sight of destruction was, but the fact that it happened in New York, where he was sure he wouldn’t be able to set foot on as he fought in the war overseas, was even more upsetting. 

“That was not exactly what I had planned for your first week out in the 21st century,” Bucky said behind him.

His tone was meant to sound casual but Steve knew his voice by heart and there was something in the back of it that seemed exhausted and defeated.

Suddenly, Steve felt exhausted too.

“How long have you been married?” Steve asked, the words spilling out of his mouth before he had time to think about it.

He kept his back to Bucky, unable yet to look at him. But as the silence stretched he was forced to turn around.

Bucky was sitting now, both hands grasping at the bottle, his eyes fixating on an invisible point on the carpet before him. He carefully lifted his eyes to Steve’s level. The soldier kept his ground and didn’t let his voice waver when he started talking again.

“You and Peggy. You’re married,” he stated, stern and unable to contain the hurt.

It was not a question. He didn’t need to ask if it was the truth or not. Bucky didn’t deny and it was as good as any answer.

Bucky passed his hand on his face, finally getting over the shock of Steve’s question.

“How’d you know?” 

“How long?” Steve repeated.

“Does it matter?”

“The truth matters, Buck.”

Bucky remained silent. Honestly Steve wasn’t exactly sure why he wanted to know how long they had been married. Maybe it was to confirm the reality of it.

“Her ring. And your necklace. And I’m also not fucking blind,” Steve answered to his original question, hoping to get something from Bucky in return.

Bucky looked down at his chest. The first few buttons of his suit collar were opened and he easily reached down to pull out the chain with what was clearly a wedding band hanging on it. The sight of it made Steve’s fists clench at his sides to keep his composure. It confirmed what he thought he had seen back at the armory.

“Eight years. Going on nine. But—” Bucky finally revealed, hesitating for a short second. “We’ve been together longer than that.” 

Steve felt like he just received a punch to the gut. But it unfortunately wouldn’t be the last one, as Bucky continued.

“We’re not legally married. I’m not even supposed to be alive. So we, never, I mean we never forged the paperwork. It was a spur of the moment.” 

Steve spun on his heels, looking up at the ceiling, a mix of anger and pain built up in his chest. He passed both hands on his face. 

_ A spur of the moment. _ It made it even worse. Because it meant it was real. Not some sort of arrangement, not some mission, or promise of friendship, not any of the scenarios Steve had made in his head as he was trying to figure this out. Trying to avoid the one that scared him the most. That it was love.

“Listen, Stevie,” Bucky started as he stood up.

“Stop calling me that,” Steve cut him dryly. “When were you planning on telling me?”

“I wanted to wait for the three of us to be alone. We wanted to tell you together,” Bucky walked slowly over to Steve but the soldier moved away, “but we’ve been kind of busy this past few days if you noticed.”

“Yeah,” Steve said with a quiet anger, “yeah I noticed that we all almost died at least a dozen times since I’ve been back. Any of us could have died and I wouldn’t even know.”

Bucky stood in front of the window, exactly where Steve was a few minutes ago. They were silent for a moment. Bucky had his head down, his hands were nervously busing themselves in front of him.

Steve knew that it was now or never. He might never have the courage to ask again if he walked away now.

“Do you love her?” 

“Yes.” There was no hesitation in Bucky’s response.

They watched each other for another long moment.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky added.

“Of every woman, of every woman you could have had and you could have  _ anyone _ , you choose her.”

Bucky frowned slightly, there was pain on his features and it hurt Steve in return. Even if he wanted to tell him how it felt, his words were arsh and hurting Bucky didn’t feel right.

“You think I cared about all these other girls? You think they were what I wanted?” Something resembling a sad smile appeared on his face.

Steve’s breath caught in his throat but Bucky didn’t elaborate and shook his head.

“I didn’t choose anything, it chose us,” Bucky continued. “I didn’t plan to fall from that train, be left for dead and turned into a brainwashed assassin. I didn’t plan on being rescued by Peggy.” His voice softened. “I certainly didn’t plan to fall for her. I didn’t plan any of it.”

“So it’s all my fault?” Steve said, containing the breaking in his voice.

“What?” Bucky took a few step closer to Steve. “Are you insane? None of this is your fault. If it’s anyone’s fault it’s HYDRA. You had nothing to do with any of this.”

Steve’s eyes turned away from Bucky and now that he was closer, Steve knew Bucky could see the tears that were menacing to fall. Bucky delicately put his fingers on Steve’s jaw to force him to look at him.

“Steve,” he started quietly. “I know it’s not what you want to hear but Peggy and I, we found each other because of you. Because we both loved you and it probably was the strongest bond we could have formed. She fought to get me back for you and I struggled to be myself again for her. Because she begged me to, she begged me to honor your memory. You’re the one that got us through everything.” He paused for a second. “For a very long time she was the only aspect in my life I was sure of. She was the one thing that was mine. The only thing that even Zola couldn’t touch.”

Steve felt that the emotions bubbling inside him could crush his heart. But somehow this last statement from Bucky only made him feel defeated. They loved each other. That was it. He was out of the picture. Whatever reassuring words Bucky was trying to say, Steve understood there was nothing left to be said or done. 

“I can’t do this,” Steve whispered and walked away to sit on the armchair. He took his head between his hands. “It’s too much to—” He stopped himself.

Bucky stayed there, unable to talk and reassure him. Nothing he could say would anyway. He gave Steve time. For a long moment they didn’t speak. 

The night had slowly set over the remains of Manhattan and outside Peggy’s office, the floor became oddly silent. The staff was leaving. Steve still heard some people typing on keyboards and faintly speaking on the phone, a few were probably going to spend the night here.

Peggy wasn’t back yet and Steve didn’t want to see her anyway. Talking with Bucky was painful enough and they knew each other so well, it usually was easy to talk with him. With Peggy, that was different. They never really voiced out loud their feelings, it was blatantly obvious that they were involved and committed to each other but the circonstances never led them to talk openly. He wouldn't know how to do it.

“What now?” Bucky ended up asking after a while. “What do you want to do?”

“I want to leave,” Steve said bluntly, “I want to get away from this.”

_ From you, _ he added in his head.

Another silence stretched before Bucky spoke again.

“Alright.” 

 

…

 

The next day, they all met in Central Park to watch Thor take away Loki to go to trial on Asgard. All the Avengers were there, as well as Fury and Maria Hill. Steve stood opposite to Bucky in the strange circle they were forming. Bucky’s arms were crossed in front of his chest and the dark circles under his eyes betrayed that he hadn’t been sleeping much, if at all. Not that Steve did either.

Steve stayed in a small one bedroom apartment Natasha gave him the keys to. He didn’t know if it was her place, or one of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s safe houses. He didn’t know exactly how she knew he needed a place to stay. She met him directly in the lobby of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s headquarters in the middle of the night after Bucky and him spent most of the night painfully talking in Peggy’s office. Steve was pretty sure this was Bucky’s doing. But Steve never asked her. He didn’t want to hear it.

They provided Steve with a motorcycle, money, a phone and papers. He was briefed by Natasha on how to contact and be contacted by S.H.I.E.L.D. He said he needed some time. She nodded and didn’t press him.

Steve left immediately after Thor and Loki disappeared into the skies.


	8. Peggy

Peggy didn’t go to Central Park. She stayed home in Brooklyn to work from there. Going to the city was nearly impossible anyway, all the bridges and tunnels were either destroyed or completely jammed and most of the subway lines were still under repair. She could probably request an helicopter but she didn’t see the point. And to be honest she wanted to be alone.

The day of the Chitauri invasion, when she returned to her office at dawn after her meeting with the Council and planning their next moves with Fury, she found Bucky seating on her chair facing the glass wall behind. When he pivoted the chair around, she immediately knew.

Bucky tried to explain briefly. His features were calm and composed but Peggy knew better. There was something there, on his traits and in his eyes, that reminded her of the time when he was still trying to break the conditioning. When he was still part Winter Soldier and concealing his memories was less painful than letting them flowed his mind.

He gave her a lingering kiss on the forehead and she clawed at the fabric of his sleeves.

“Where are you going?”

“I—” He started and as he looked into her eyes, his features softened. “I just need to be alone for a while. It’s just—” He gathered her in his arms and she clung onto him. “I’ll be back, I promise.”

When he detached himself from her, her hand still grasped his sleeve and let go as he walked away. She hated herself to be appear so desperate for his presence, especially after she learnt that Steve wanted to put as much distance between them as he could.

“Fuck,” Peggy let out as the door closed behind him and she leaned against a cabinet for support.

She glanced at her desk, the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo shiny brightly on her computer screen. Sometimes she hated her job. She hated this organization.

Bucky didn’t come home for a few days. She couldn’t help but worry. Worry he would do something stupid or was gone for good. But her rational self knew he would eventually come back to her.

She had no idea where he went and she didn’t try to find him. She had the resources and even if he used Natasha to get away, Peggy could probably find him if need be. But she respected his need to get away.

 

…

 

A few days later, Maria walked into the bar in civilian clothes, a leather jacket and dark jeans on. Peggy was already at the counter, nursing a vodka on ice.

“You heard anything from James?” Maria asked after a moment.

The conversation had been a bit dull and Peggy knew the agent was tiptoeing around the real subject here. She was grateful her friend was giving her some space but she knew when she agreed to get out of her apartment that she would have to speak about it. About them.

“No,” Peggy answered as she finished her drink.

“You want to know where he is?” Maria asked carefully, leaning her head to the side.

So Maria knew where he was. It lifted something heavy in Peggy’s chest. Thank God, at least he didn’t go completely AWOL.

“No, it’s fine. If you know where he is, that’s good enough for me.” She gave her friend a weak smile. “We need some time.”

Maria blinked at her, seeming curious but she didn’t ask anything else. Peggy had told her about Steve, about their history. She never said anything about Steve and Bucky’s though. She had no rights to, no matter how much she would like to unburden herself with what seemed like a terrible secret, that both her and Bucky had betrayed Steve, she just couldn’t.

“Any news from Rogers?” Maria asked on cue, like she was reading Peggy’s mind.

Peggy sighed. “Not exactly.”

“So you are keeping tabs on him,” Maria stated while she gestured to the bartender to bring another round.

“Same as you I presume.” She watched Maria with a smirk. Of course Fury was also monitoring Steve’s whereabouts. She never checked but she didn’t have to.

“Yeah, but for different reasons obviously.”

“I hope so,” Peggy said a little more lightly. She was glad she had accepted Maria’s invitation to go out. She was starting to relax for the first time in days. “If you tell me you’re in love with him too I might have to call a priest to perform an exorcism on all of us.”

“So James and Steve...” Maria didn’t sound surprised.

“Did you doubt it?”

“Not really, it’s pretty obvious. But it’s always good to have a confirmation. I’m not a terrible spy after all.”

“No, you’re definitely not.”

The barman filled back their glasses, cutting short the conversation.

“To defeating aliens,” Maria raised her glass. “And to fucked up relationships.”

Peggy let out an unlady-like vocal snort and clinked her glass to Maria’s before emptying it in one go.

 

…

 

Bucky was back when she came home from the bar. She let out a shaky breath when she heard the shower running immediately after walking in their apartment.

She dropped the keys in a catch-all. It was a tacky shell they brought back from Bermuda where they went on their pseudo-honeymoon. Peggy found it absolutely ugly but she indulged Bucky who was the one who found it on the beach. In the end she actually enjoyed that every time she set her eyes on it, it brought back the memory of the man she loved running over from the waves, completely dripping with ocean water as he climbed on top of her and she screamed in surprised while he drenched the Agatha Christie novel she was reading, just to show her the damn shell. He was so proud. And his lips tasted of salt and sunlight.

She gazed at it relishing in the happy memory while she listened to the water running in the bathroom.

She shook her head and went to their bedroom. She started to undressed as she stepped into the dressing room and sat at her dressing table. She had finished removing her make up when Bucky walked out the bathroom. He stopped as soon as he noticed Peggy. He was naked and using a towel to dry his hair.

She watched his reflection in the mirror and he returned her lingering gaze. There was ugly bruises on his hip and on both his knees but other than that she didn’t noticed any major injuries.

Bucky covered his hips with the towel and hesitated to walk closer.

“Hi,” he said quietly.

Peggy stood up, only wearing a t-shirt, one of his, as she did every night and lifted herself on her toes to put a light kiss on his lips.

Bucky licked his lips. “Did you fall in a bottle of vodka?”

“Wow, thank you very much,” she narrowed her eyes at him.

“Hey, that’s not what I meant.” He stopped her from leaving by grabbing her wrist.

“I know,” she gave him a crooked smile, “I went for a few drinks with Maria.”

He nodded and let go of her hand. She left the room.

When he walked into the kitchen Bucky was wearing a pair of fresh boxers. He came closer to her and picked a raspberry in the bowl of granola she was making for herself. She hadn’t eaten anything since lunch and she was starving. She slapped his hand lightly.

“So,” he started as he leaned against the counter next to her. “You going to ask me where I went?”

“No. You know I trust you.”

He looked down, weighting on her words.

“Are you alright though?” She couldn’t hide the care in her voice and put her hand on his hip where she noticed the bruise earlier, now covered by his clothes. Her thumb was lightly brushing the soft skin above his v-line. She started stroking, it had always been of her favorite parts of his body.

“Yeah, just fell from a bike,” he said, with faked detachment.

She didn’t pressure him to give more details.

“We’ve gotta talk, Peg.”

He took the hand she had on his hip with both of his. Her heart started racing in her chest. Was is it? Was it the moment he was going to tell her he chose Steve?

“Yes?” She only managed.

“Phase 2,” he said and her mouth opened in surprise, “did you have anything to do with it?”

“I—” The surprise was still stunning her. She was so sure their first conversation as he returned would be about Steve, not Fury’s pet project.

“I know we don’t have the same clearance and shit but I need to know. And the project might be done fo—”

“I don’t care about clearances, I never have,” she cut him.

“Then why didn’t you say anything?” Bucky was the one who look confused now.

“Because I was trying to shut it down. I never agreed with Fury on this. He had the backup of the Council, there wasn’t much I could do. These idiots never listen to me when they should.”

Bucky let out a sigh of relief and squeezed her hand. He stepped a little closer to her.

“But why didn’t you tell me?”

She made a frustrated huff. “I know you’re not going to like this.”

“More than when I thought you were purposefully taking part of a plan to build weapons of mass destruction behind my back?” He lifted his eyebrows.

“I didn’t want you involved, I didn’t want you to risk your place at S.H.I.E.L.D. by going after the weapons. There was nothing you could do anyway. And—” she paused again for a second looking at him carefully, “the weapons were HYDRA’s. Zola’s. The same blueprints, the same technology and I was worried that might trigger something. I didn’t want you to go through it again,” she confessed, her voice going smaller.

He looked at her for a long moment, cautiously, with the kind of love in his eyes that she would give her life to see.

“You have to stop worrying, Peg.” He started rubbing circles on her hand with his thumb.

“I can’t.”

“I haven’t had relapses in years, they don’t control me anymore. You made sure of that.”

“I know.” But she was shaking her head as she said it.

Of course she knew, of course. Saying out loud why she didn’t want Bucky to find out about HYDRA’s weapons sounded like absolute nonsense, she was aware of that. He was perfectly healthy now, there was no reason to be overprotective. But she remembered.

She remembered when she had to strap him on the iron chair that Howard designed, with these chains and metal claws, so he could perform tests. She remembered the Winter Soldier’s cold, calculating eyes on her. Later, much later as he started to speak about what HYDRA had done to him she realized that she had been repeating the same ritual. She captured him and locked him up, let a scientist poked at his body, take his blood, watch inside his brain. She had cried for hours, trying to empty herself from her guilt and her pain when she understood what she had done. Of course it had been necessary. It had brought him back. But she put him through so much.

It was etched into her mind. How lost he was every time something felt familiar, every time a memory hit him and his body trembled, his head shaking violently to grasp it. She remembered every blank stare, every nights she spent by his side, every shrieking nightmare, all these moments when her heart was torned apart while she was watching him suffer.

“Doll.” He lifted her face to his level and leaned closer. “You gotta stop this.”

She wanted to chuckle but a broken sob came out instead. _I’ll never stop_ , she thought but didn’t say it out loud.

She looked at him, eyes big and earnest. Bucky breathed hard and captured her mouth with his lips and kissed her so deeply it made her head spin in seconds.

He lifted her up and sat her on the counter before situating himself between her legs. She clawed at him, pulling him closer, wanting to feel every inch of his body. She prompted him to speed up, she felt an excruciating urgency to be with him. He moved to kiss her jaw, her neck and she moaned so loud and desperate that he ripped opened the t-shirt she was wearing, making her gasp and exposing her breasts. Without skipping a beat he captured them in his mouth, kissing, licking and biting.

She dropped her head back and whimpered loudly. She felt his metal fingers push away the fabric of her underwear and entering her core. But she was too desperate, she wanted to feel him inside, all of him.

“No, no,” She chased away his hand and Bucky removed his attention from her breasts to her face, startled. “Fuck me Bucky— I need—” She was breathless, barely able to form words but she planted her eyes in his.

It didn’t take another word from her for Bucky to pull away just long enough to drop down his boxers. He removed Peggy’s panties quickly and grabbed her hips with force as she guided him inside her.

“Yes,” she almost cried and dropped her head knocking it with a loud thud on the wall cabinet behind.

Bucky drove inside her strongly and in a pace she knew would drive her to her peak in minutes. She tried to control herself, she tried to keep the moment away. She wanted to savor how good he felt inside her.

He braced his real arm against the cabinet for leverage, next to her ear and she turned her head to sink her teeth in his flesh, almost drawing blood. Bucky groaned and slammed into her with such force that her hip knocked down the bowl of granola which smashed into pieces on the tiled floor.

She didn’t care, she was already a goner, lost in the pleasure mixed with the aching heat his hard thrusts provoked in her.

“Oh Go, oh God,” Peggy repeated and when he squeezed her thigh with his metal fingers hard enough to leave marks, she felt herself invaded by her orgasm. A scream stayed stuck in her throat as the waves of blissfulness hit her.

Bucky thrusted into her one final time before moaning her name and dropping his forehead on her shoulder.

They were breathless, panting and covered with a thin sheen of sweat. Bucky lifted his head to look into her eyes, using both hands to remove the tangled strands of hair from her face.

“I needed this,” she said, still trying to catch her breath.

“Happy to oblige,” he chuckled.

They both laughed a little and Peggy looked down at the mess of what once was her granola bowl on the floor.

“That was my dinner,” she sighed.

“Sorry,” Bucky answered smiling easily.

“I’m still starving.”

Bucky licked his bottom lip and captured it between his teeth, Peggy’s eyes followed the movement.

“Me too,” Bucky said in a slightly exaggerated husky voice eliciting a throaty laugh from Peggy. “What?” He asked sounding outraged.

“You are such a sap,” she barely had time to said before Bucky’s mouth was on hers.

She had hardly recovered from her orgasm but she was already feeling her core heat up at the way Bucky was kissing her, almost hopeless.

When he detached himself from her he noticed the purple marks he left on her thigh that were soon going to turn into bruises.

“Shit,” he hissed.

He went to get ice from the fridge and wrapped it in a cloth.

“I’m sorry,” he looked at her with pleading eyes as he pressed the ice on the marks. She covered his hand with hers.

“You realize that this’ll be gone in a couple of days?” She said affectionately.

It was not the first time they had rough sex to cope with something. Bucky always worried afterwards that he had hurt her. She understood. She knew why. He did hurt her when he was the Winter Soldier. Pretty bad actually, almost killing her once. But that was not who he was anymore. It has never been him.

Still, his lips were set in a hard line and his traits seemed pained as he was looking at the cloth against her thigh.

“You have to stop worrying, love,” she repeated his words with a soft smirk. “Plus, I got you pretty good too,” she said as she trailed the tip of her fingers on the bit mark she left on his bicep. Bucky huffed a laugh.

 

…

 

Later that night they were in bed, splayed above the covers, naked and spent, for the second time of the evening.

“You called me ‘Bucky’ a couple of times, you know,” he said softly as he caressed her hair.

“I noticed,” she was just as quiet.

Bucky stayed silent. He didn’t need to elaborate on the name. They both knew what it meant for him. And for her.

When they were still trying to figure things out, back in Europe where they went to hide after Howard was able to break the conditioning, he had a hard time hearing the familiar nickname. She started calling him ‘James’. It was a little more foreign for him. The word became familiar, something they only shared together and it opened up something between them, some sort of trust. He was able to tell her things, to unburden himself. Eventually they got used to it and when they came back home, she kept using it. Even Howard picked up on it and they never really socialize with anyone else from their past who remembered him as Bucky. It was too late, everyone had moved on or was already gone. They only had each other then. Peggy and James.

Why did she use it today? She wasn’t sure. It obviously had to do with Steve. Like having him back was the finally step to allow Bucky to completely return. It made sense.

“Have you heard from him?”

Peggy’s eyes filled with tears at the realization and his mention of Steve. That fear. It was still there.

“No,” she answered. “But I know where he is, if you want to go find him.”

Bucky was silent, seeming to ponder on her offer.

“No,” he finally said. “He wants to be left alone. We need to respect that.” He paused again for a moment. “We screwed up.”

“Yes we did,” Peggy agreed. She wished she had displayed more courage, for Steve’s sake. She felt miserable when she thought about how much pain she must have caused him.

“Do you think we’ve lost him?” Bucky’s voice was small.

His constant use of ‘we’ was something Peggy found reassuring in some way. She couldn’t say why, because cleary this wasn’t about her anymore but she still relished in the sound of it while she still could.

“James,” she said after a short while.

“Yes?” He shifted and pulled her up so she rested on his chest, facing him. She got lost for a moment watching him.

“You’ll never lose him. As long as you’re both alive, he will always come back to you.”

“I’m not leaving you Peggy,” he said, frowning.

“I understand you know, if you have to.”

“Stop saying that.” He caressed her hair and her cheek, looking pained.

“I understand because I love him too.”

Something flashed through Bucky’s eyes.

“It’s fucking weird, ain’t it? Loving two people,” he said pensively. “Sometimes it scares the shit out of me, how much I love you and how much I love him.”

“What does that mean?” She put back her head to rest on his chest and fingered lightly the shape of his wedding band on the chain, against his bare skin.

“Actually, it’s— it’s simple. I don’t want to leave you. And I wanna be with him too.”

She stayed silent. Strangely enough when he said the words out loud it made sense. That’s exactly what she wanted too. She wanted them both. Maybe… she dared to hope.

She felt his head move above her, shaking no. “I can’t ask you that, I know it’s— I don’t even think he would—”

“Hey,” she cut him, lifting on her elbow to be at his eye level. “We’ll figure it. I told you I wanted to work this out. I—” She wasn’t sure back when she said that the first time, but now a strong certainty was growing in his heart. “I mean it.”


	9. Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally almost 7k long. I decided to cut it in two distinct chapters. A lot was going on and I was afraid it would be too much to take on in one read. That means you'll have two chapters in Steve's POV, instead of my original plan to alternate POVs each chapter.
> 
> I promise that I'll post the next one quickly, probably tomorrow if time allows! 
> 
> Thank you everyone for reading and for the absolutely amazing comments I get, it really is motivating, even the shortest comment! Don't be shy and let me know what you think, what you liked, what you didn't, etc. I love to read your thoughts! Enjoy this new chapter my lovelies <3

As soon as Loki and Thor disappeared into the ray of light coming from the sky, Steve said a quick goodbye to the rest of the team. He traded a glance with Bucky but they didn’t exchange a word. It was easier that way.

He drove out of the city, heading South. He wasn’t sure where. Being on the road, the wind on his face, his hands strongly gripping the bike’s handles, it felt good. Freeing almost.

Once he crossed to Maryland he made a stop for the night in a generic motel. He had a baseball cap on and as he registered at the front desk, the woman didn’t seem to recognize him. His face was plastered everywhere since the attack. There were very few shots of him without his helmet but pictures and footage from the war had resurfaced since his return became a public thing during the battle.

There was a television in the room and all the channels including the ones that weren’t 24/7 news seemed to broadcast footage from Loki’s attack as well as the state of Manhattan in the aftermath. New Yorkers were tenacious and proud and they had lived through terrible events over the last decades, they were already rebuilding with a rage that made Steve envious. He wished he had this determination when it came to reconquer his life.

Right now he just wanted to sleep, although he knew that wouldn’t come easily.

…

Steve settled in a town outside of Richmond, Virginia. It was average in term of size which gave him enough anonymity. He let his hair and his beard grow. He hadn’t been recognized in the three months he spent there so far.

He took a few odd jobs in construction before finding a more steady one in a woodshop factory that mostly made outdoor furniture. He didn’t have any particular skills beside drawing and fighting, which weren’t exactly useful in a town like this. But he was strong and could hold his own. He learnt about woodworking pretty fast and found it actually soothing.

He lived in a small studio above the garage of the house owned by an adorable old lady. Her husband passed away a year ago and she was struggling to make ends meet with only her retirement pension so she rented the apartment. He helped her a lot around the house and she was always making enough food for two. They shared diners from time to time but mostly he just brought back his meal to the tiny living space. She was nice and easy going, she shared memories of her childhood which made Steve feel a little more at home than with the rest of the people he met along there. Especially the ones that were supposed to be his age.

He read a lot, mostly books about history and politics. Reading about himself in some of these history books was a strange experience. It wasn’t that the tales weren’t accurate, they mostly were. But it was like reading about someone else.

Sometimes he picked up a sci-fi novel but the public library essentially held classics, Asimov or C. S. Lewis, which reminded him too much of Bucky. His friend always had a thing for this type of stories when they were younger. He remembered how Bucky’s face lighted up when he found a new story he particularly liked. How he would read him passages or an entire chapter. They would lounge in bed sometimes when they knew they had enough time in front of them before Bucky’s family came back. Bucky would read to him. Steve sometimes picked up his pencils and drew what he imagined the robots or spaceships could looked like. Bucky loved these sketches.

So Steve stuck to political history.

Every Tuesday evenings the library held classes to learn how to use computers. Steve thought he might as well give it a try. He became familiar enough with his smartphone and although he didn’t have a computer, those damn machines were everywhere. The other students were mainly elderly save for another guy in his forties Steve was acquainted with because they worked on the same construction site several weeks ago. Steve was by far the youngest to attend these but no one asked questions.

After the class he usually went to the dinner next door where he started to become a regular. There was a waitress there named Rachel, a tall brunette with green eyes in her mid-twenties. She was nice and smiled at him brightly every time he walked in. She had a crush, even Steve could see that. He tried not to indulge her but he didn’t want to seem rude. He still had no idea how to talk to women really.

He watched television most nights, kept an eye on the news just to make sure his help wasn’t required. Of course if anything serious happened Natasha and S.H.I.E.L.D. would probably contact him before the events would be broadcasted. His phone was always within his reach. He knew it was bugged. He was not stupid enough to think they wouldn’t monitor him. He huffed a laugh when he imagined the poor agent that had to make reports about his routine. It was all very dull.

But at least he was occupied. He kept busy not to think about Peggy and Bucky.

On a particularly hot Tuesday afternoon on his way out of the woodshop he discovered a new store had opened on Main street. A craft and art supplies store. He walked in and wandered for a moment in the drawing supplies aisle. He took a sketchbook, trailing his fingers on the soft leather cover. He hadn’t touch one since he was dug out of the ice. So he bought it, along with a couple of pencils, erasers and sharpeners.

After the computer class he sat in his usual booth. The dinner was quiet, there weren’t many people. Rachel walked to him with a beaming smile, as usual. She asked if he wanted a bacon cheeseburger with hash browns, as usual. It was a simple routine.

As soon as he was finished with his plate he opened the sketchbook. It took him a few minutes to get use to the feel of the pencil against the soft paper again and only a few sketches of random things to spontaneously trace the lines of Bucky’s face by memory.

He looked down at the drawing. It was sloppy, unfinished but Bucky’s eyes were pretty on spot. He closed the sketchbook sharply.

“What have you got there?” Rachel said above him, her hand on her hip and watching the notebook with intent. “I didn’t know you were an artist.”

Steve snorted quietly, tapping the cover before putting his hand on his lap under the table as it would burn. “I’m— I’m not. I used to draw as a hobby. Haven’t done it in a while.”

“Can I see?” She took the sketchbook before Steve could stop her.

She went through the couple of pages where he doodled some of the objects around him until she turned to the page with Bucky’s portrait. Steve winced and tried to take it back.

“Yeah, it’s not very good, I—”

“Are you kidding me?” She said with an earnest smile and such kindness that made Steve hesitated to grab the sketchbook. “Who is he? He looks like an actor from the fifties, so handsome.”

“Yeah huh, I don’t know. I just watched an old movie last night. It—”

“You like old movies?” And just like that she closed the book and gave it back to Steve much to his relief. “You know,” she started, looking like she was hesitating to ask something, “there’s a late night special at the theater outside of Colonial Heights. They screen all these vintage movies from the 30s to the 70s.”

Steve’s mouth opened. God she was asking him out. Or she wanted him to ask her out.

His eyes went back on the table and he felt his hands getting damp with sweat. He rubbed them on his thighs. “Huh, yeah?”

“Would you like to go see one with me?” She asked shyly.

“Okay,” he blurted out before he had time to think about it.

“Alright,” she said with an adorable happy smile, “Friday good for you?”

He nodded.

“It’s a date then.” She brushed his shoulder with her hand as she walked away to get his check, looking happy and giddy.

 _What the fuck, Rogers?_ He thought.

…

He didn’t know why he accepted. He wasn’t sure he wanted to go. But she was nice and cute and maybe, maybe this would get his mind off everything.

He went to pick her up at her place and during the film she took his hand, entangling her fingers with his. He didn’t move it away but he didn’t engaged into more physical contact.

He drove her back to her place and didn’t even drop a kiss on her cheek as they said goodnight on the porch of her house. He had absolutely no idea what he was supposed to do. What were the conventions nowadays? His only knowledge of that were the sitcoms he had been watching these last few months. And it always sounded extremely complicated to him. How many dates before you share a kiss, what counted as a one night stand or casual dating, all this was utterly confusing. So the next Tuesday at the library he did online research. That proved to be even more confusing.

He found an article on Cosmopolitan titled “Why the Second Date Is So Much More Important Than the First” where they talked about statistics and striking a power pose and he frowned. Why was everything so tricky and why everyone took this so seriously? It was so trivial.

In the end he didn’t learn anything new and it didn’t make a difference because apparently Rachel decided to take matters into her own hands on their second date the following week and kissed him as soon as they walked the last steps of her porch.

It was weird. And it was a lot of tongue. The only other person that ever kissed him like that was Bucky and it wasn’t a good sign if Steve was already starting to think about him.

He was about to tell her he needed to go, because really he was just not feeling this. She seemed like a great girl, beautiful. Honestly he liked her company although he wasn’t that attracted to her. He wasn’t into it at all. He knew why. He just didn’t want to face it.

When she pulled away she looked all flushed and there was a glimmer of hope in her eye that made Steve a little more hesitant.

Of course he wasn’t going to marry this girl, that was not the plan. That wasn’t how the world worked anymore. Maybe… Maybe this could be a rebound? He read about it in another online article. It was an awful concept. But fuck, maybe it would take Bucky and Peggy off his damn mind.

So when she asked him if he wanted to come inside, he said yes.

 _You have no idea what you’re doing, don’t you?_ He could hear Bucky say in a tone that he used when they were with girls. Maybe Bucky could have been a decent enough good actor back then. He was certainly better than Steve at hiding his real feelings and being inconspicuous about what Steve and him were actually doing in hiding. Steve never really had the nerve to go forward with a dame. He obviously lacked confidence but he also was far too in love with his best friend. Until Peggy came into the picture.

Steve shook his head as he followed Rachel inside to get rid of these thoughts.

The waitress offered him a beer and told him to sit on the couch. All the while Steve was nervous, uncomfortable. And every time she was touching him, even the slightest brush of fingers on his arm, he felt like betraying something, or someone.

When she finally joined him on the couch she didn’t wait a second to kiss him and ended up climbing on his lap. Steve was taken aback for a moment before tentatively reciprocating. She was grounding herself against him and fuck, it sent shivers down his spine. No one’s ever been that forward with him and yeah, well, it had been a long time since he was intimate with anyone and he was only human after all. Technically.

He tentatively tangled his hand in her hair and the image of Peggy’s perfect curls immediately came to his mind. He broke the kiss for a second a little startled.

“Sorry,” Rachel said, a little breathless, “maybe we should slow down, I mean I know I came on a bit hard but…” She paused and bit her lip. “You’re just so hot,” she let out bluntly.

Steve coughed and made a strangled sound. “I— Yeah huh, thanks.” Okay, that was a stupid thing to say.

She leaned in slowly giving him time to stop this if he wanted and kissed him again, more gently. He let his hands travel down her shoulders and her bare arms.

Rachel was thinner than Peggy, she didn’t have her curves and voluptuous breasts. And as he trailed his hand on Rachel’s side he pictured Peggy in his mind again. _No, no. Stop. Don’t go there_.

The more he tried to push the fantasies away the more the sensation mixed with them became blurred images in his mind. The thought became harder to ignore when he recalled the taste of Peggy’s lips on his.

He stopped suddenly, feeling like his brain was going to explode and lifted Rachel away from his lap, holding her by the shoulders, gently but firmly and sat her back next to him. She watched him in surprise and looked down to where he settled her, stunned by his strength.

Steve stood up and didn’t let her ask what was going on.

“Listen, I don’t think this is a good idea. I don’t—” He would have tried a kind way to do this if he didn’t felt like his skin was on fire and he was about to burst into tears at any second. “I gotta go,” he just blurted and walked out the door, speeding up his pace in the driveway before climbing on his bike.

His heart was racing and he took a few breaths trying to calm down before turning the engine on.

…

He spent the night looking up at the ceiling. Trying to wrap his mind around why he freaked out the way he did.

It didn’t take a genius to know what happened. Steve put his feelings aside for Peggy and Bucky for as long as he could. Going on with a life that was leading nowhere, believing he could just have sex with a random girl, no matter how attractive and nice she was. He was just lying to himself and even if the simple idea to face either of them was daunting, he needed closure. Nothing would be solved with him hiding away. And that was without taking into account that if the Avengers needed to be assemble, Bucky was part of the team and he would have to come to terms with whatever he felt.

Peggy and Bucky were the two only people he had left in this world. That night he came to the realization that the simple idea of never seeing them ever again was becoming less and less bearable as the months went on.

The next day, he packed the few belongings he had. He left a note and three months worth of rent to his landlady and drove back to New York City.

 


	10. Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised the second part of Steve's chapter! (it's still pretty long though, about 5K) It's not a very happy chapter (has this fic actually have happy moments so far? lol I'm a sucker for angst, sorry) but hopefully you'll find a bit of hope at the end of it.
> 
> Thank you for reading <3

He booked a room in a shitty hotel in East Village. Leaving months of rent ahead left him low on cash. He needed to find a job. Or call S.H.I.E.L.D.. He winced at the idea. But he was pretty sure he should be getting some sort of pension from his war days, he heard Natasha mentioned it before he left. He wasn’t exactly paying attention at the time, he was too focused on putting as much distance between New York and himself as he could. And honestly he didn’t think this century was going to be so damn expensive. The economy was a disaster apparently but inflation had tripled, if not more, the cost of pretty much everything.

He watched the phone in his hand. He didn’t have the courage just yet. And he was fairly certain that he would hear from someone from S.H.I.E.L.D. or the Avengers soon enough. They probably already knew he was back in the city.  

Taking a walk sounded like a good idea, to take his mind of things. It turned out it wasn’t exactly his best decision.

Half of the city still looked like a war zone. There were construction and salvation sites everywhere from Penn station to 59th street.

Steve’s feet slowed down as he walked up some part of Manhattan with the worst damage. His head kept filling with the memories of the Chitauris and the mayhem they left on their wake. He stopped in front of a construction site. The entire building had collapsed with probably hundreds of people in it. The remains of concrete and steel from the structure had already been removed. It left a several stories deep hole on the ground with a wire grid fence all around it. There was a makeshift memorial on it, spreading for hundreds of feet. Pictures, dried up flowers, notes, names and stuffed animals. Even a pair of shoes. Children shoes. Steve crouched down and picked one of them, the tears building in his eyes were blurring his vision.

God, so much death. He didn’t think that after World War Two he would ever feel such despair. 

He put back the small shoe carefully where he took it and stood up again.

A little further south of the fence there was another sort of memorial. More of a celebration. For them. For the Avengers. Pictures, drawings, thank you notes and American flags. Steve froze in front of it for a long moment, looking at what was in front of him without really seeing it. 

There was a note, scribbled by hand. A blue star was doodled at the bottom right corner. Steve stepped closer to read it.

_ “My father was in this building. He didn’t make it. My sister was missing. They were my only family left, after our mother passed away last year. I thought my life was going to end when I couldn’t find from my sister. I've already lost my dad, I wasn't sure I would survive this. But I found her in a triage center. She was in the NY Public Library when Captain America rushed in to take down the aliens that were about to shoot the crowd. She would have died. She’s alive. Half my family is still standing and I owe this to you. Thank you. Wherever you are. Thank you Cap.” _

He blinked, tears falling in the process.

…

When he came back to the hotel, he had a few flyers in his pockets for rescue centers and construction sites that were looking for volunteers. That wouldn’t help with the money situation but fuck with it. He still had enough funds for a few nights and meals and the situation would be reassessed when that problem would be more urgent. He was no stranger to living without much money in his pockets.

…

Steve tried to go to a rescue center. There were a few pairs of eyes on him that were way too insistent, like they were about to recognize him and suddenly he felt overwhelmed with guilt and anxiety. He clenched his fists to the side and stood there, unable to walk in. It took him a few minutes to be able to turn his heels and get out. He ran all the way to the hotel. 26 blocks. When he finally locked the door of his room behind, the sole of his shoes were a forgotten memory and he let his body lump back on the bed. He was exhausted. Not from the run, that was nothing. But from feeling so useless.

The next day he dialed Natasha’s number. Honestly he was aching to call Bucky. To hear his voice, to tell him how shitty he felt, to reach for the comfort he was sure Bucky would offer and that he was craving for. 

He couldn’t exactly call Thor, Clint, nor Tony, for vastly different reasons. Thor was somewhere in space. Clint was too close to Bucky. It felt weird and they didn’t exactly had the time to get to know each other during the battle, after Clint got his mind back. And Tony, well Tony was a bit more complicated. 

Steve liked Tony, despise what he had imagined. The man wanted to do what was right, he called S.H.I.E.L.D. on their bullshit and didn’t hesitate to almost sacrifice himself to put that nuke in the wormhole. But there was some sort of animosity that Steve couldn’t quite place. The atmosphere between Peggy, Bucky and Tony was pretty tense back at the helicarrier so it might have to do with that. Although it seemed much more personal.

So no, Steve didn’t really want to reach Tony. He wouldn’t know how anyway. The billionaire was hiding up in his ivory Tower now and the security was probably far too tight to let Steve go through.

Natasha on the other hand, he trusted. He wasn’t sure why. She was secretive and manipulative, he’d seen her at work. But not with him. There has always been some understandment between them, on and outside of the battlefield. She might work with Bucky, Steve was sure she wouldn’t say anything if he asked her not to.

“Took you long enough to learn how to use this phone, Cap,” she said warmly as she answered the phone. “Clint bet that you’d break it the second you’d put your finger on the screen. I won $50, so thanks.”

“50 bucks? Then you at least owe me a drink,” Steve said.

“Wait a second,” she almost whispered. He heard a muffled sound on the other side of the line, like she was covering the microphone with her hand. He could hear voices but couldn’t make what they were saying. “So you’re back in town,” she said when she resumed their conversation.

Steve shook his head. Of course she knew he was in New York.

“Is this a bad time?” He asked.

“No, it’s fine. But I only have,” she paused, checking something, “seven minutes.”

“I won’t take that long. Yes I’m back and I—” he paused not sure what exactly he wanted to ask.

“You need cash?”

“No—,” he shook his head again, “well actually yeah, but I’ll contact S.H.I.E.L.D. for that, no need for you to worry. I just wanted to know if you were around to grab a drink. With me. In a bar. I mean, you know. To talk.” God, why was he so awkward. 

There was a short silence on the other end of the line and Steve figured she was trying not to laugh at his face. Or his ears.

“I’m not in the country,” she said calmly.

“Oh. Mission?”

“Yeah, can’t say much more. But I’d be happy to grab a beer when I get back. Not sure when that’s gonna be but I’ll keep you posted.”

“Alright. Thanks. I guess I’ll leave you to it. And— well let me know if I can help.”

He felt a little tightness in his chest. It would have been nice to see a familiar face. 

“Are you alright, Steve?” Natasha asked with concern in her voice.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good. I just—” Well if she wasn’t going to be back for a few more days, he might as well make the best out of those few minutes. “Just being back to the city is a bit harder than I thought.”

She didn’t answer right away.

“I know. I’ve been—” she paused again. “I’ve been avoiding New York lately.” 

Steve was surprised by her confession but her honesty was actually comforting. 

“Don’t stay alone, okay?” She told him before he could say anything.

His breath started to catch in his chest. “Okay,” he just answered.

“I mean it, it’s not gonna do you any good to walk in the middle of this clutter. Especially by yourself.” 

On the background Steve heard someone call her name in the distance, it was Bucky’s voice. 

“Listen, Steve,” she immediately started, “I gotta go but—”

“No, it’s okay. Thank you Nat.”

“Call me, alright? Call me if you ever need to talk,” she said in a hurry and hung out the phone without letting him say goodbye.

He looked at the device resting in the palm of his hand and thought of Peggy. If Bucky was out there, she was probably here, alone. And thinking about her made him both weary and desperate to see her.

He scrolled through the meager list of contacts and looked at her name on the screen for a long moment before turning off the phone and dropping it on the nightstand. He was not ready for that yet.

… 

It’s around 6pm when he found himself in a bar, on the same block of the hotel he just booked a room in. He had a baseball cap on and when he asked for a beer, the bartender gave him a strange look over. The man didn’t say anything though and served him without a word.

The television above the counter was showing a news report on how the alien tech was being processed. There wasn’t much details and Steve suspected that S.H.I.E.L.D. was behind most of the reclaiming. The anchorman was reassuring the public that the government’s top priority was to make sure the tech wasn’t use to develop weapons and such. Steve snorted out loud.

“If only they knew, right?”

Steve jumped at the sound of Peggy’s voice. She was sitting a couple of stools away, her hand nursing a glass of amber alcool. She turned slowly to give him a side eye look.

“Hello Steve,” she said quietly.

She was wearing modern casual clothes, something Steve has never seen her in. Skinny jeans and a loose casual top with a v-neck that revealed the curves of her breasts. She stood up and walked towards him, her drink in hand. She gestured to the stool next to him.

“May I?” 

Steve nodded.

“Nat told you I was here?” He asked.

She leaned her head to the side and frown a little. “No, she hasn’t. She’s not in the US right now.”

“Yeah I know.”

The coincidence of his conversation with Natasha only a few hours ago and Peggy founding him here was a bit too fortuitous.

“How did you know I was back then?” 

She took a deep breath but actually didn’t answer him. He wasn’t sure he really needed an explanation.

“I wanted to apologize,” she said quietly, “for not saying anything about the Tesseract and Phase 2.”

Steve’s eyes shoot high on his forehead.

“Seriously? Not even,  _ how are you Steve, where have you been all this time _ ?” He said sarcastically. “You go straight to business.” He faced the counter and took a large gulp at his beer. Not that it would help in any way.

“Would you prefer idle chit chat? Would that make you more comfortable?” She tilted her head to the side again.

“No,” he confessed bitterly, “but at least it’ll be a little more normal.”

“We’re way pass normal, you and I.” She smiled weakly into her glass.

Steve took a moment to watch her. She looked somewhat beaten. And he didn’t like to catch that in her.

“What about Phase 2 then?” He asked, despise his previous remark, he badly wanted to hear what she had to say.

“James made me realized that hiding the project from him, and well from you, wasn’t one of my most brilliant idea.” She faced him. “I knew about the weapons but I didn’t agree with it.”

Steve frowned. “Why didn’t you do something?”

“Seriously, Steve? You believe I wouldn’t try to stop it if I thought this to be dangerous?” She sounded a little angry but mostly hurt.

He dropped his eyes back to his drink. Yeah, no, no way she wouldn’t interfere. At least not the Peggy he knew back during the war. Definitely not the one that helped him get on a plane against orders to save his best friend. But he still had to understand the woman she had become. 

“I tried to put an end to it,” she added more quietly. “But when a bunch of men in power believe they can control the world with a dick in one hand and a weapon in the other, there’s not much one can do.”

Steve almost spitted out the swallow he just took. He coughed a couple of times and watched her, eyes wide and a smile started to appear on his face. She reciprocated it.

“Some things don’t change, don’t they?” He asked, knowingly.

“No they don’t,” she agreed. “When Howard and Phillips asked me to join them and take commands of S.H.I.E.L.D., I thought they’d gone mad. Not that I couldn’t do the job, of course I could. But it was 1946 and I expected a lot of drawback. I hardened, I had to. It also was a difficult time for me. Losing you—” she paused for a second, “I was angry with you for a while.”

Steve could understand.

“You’d done the same thing Peg, if you’d been on that plane.”

“Probably,” she confessed. “That doesn’t mean I was capable of accepting your fate. Our fate.”

The word resonated in him strongly. 

“Do you think about what our lives could have been if I hadn't done it?” He asked pensively. 

That was one of the things he kept thinking about ever since he woke up. What would have happened. She would probably have married him instead of Bucky. But maybe Bucky would still be the Winter Soldier. Or Steve liked to imagine he would have been the one to save him, to get him out of HYDRA. Maybe with Peggy’s help. Or maybe they would have killed each other. Maybe, so many maybes.

“Every day,” she said in a quiet voice, drowning the last of her drink. 

Steve mimicked her and finished his beer.

“I’m sorry for not telling you in time that James and I were together,” she admitted and Steve felt a tightness in his chest at her words. “I wish you hadn’t found out the way you did. We owed it to you to be more honest. It was just…” Her voice trailed, a little broken.

Steve didn’t know what to say. His eyes were attracted to the motion of her fingers as she was fiddling with her wedding ring absentmindedly. 

“There’s not much I can say that will make this better. I can just apologize. Because you mean a lot to us Steve,” she paused. “You mean a lot to me.”

Steve looked at her attentively. 

“I promise I’ll never hide anything from you. I promise you the truth, always.” The sincerity in her voice was striking. 

“Thank you,” he said and he meant it.

She let out a shaky breath but rapidly gained back her composure.

“If—” she started, hesitating, “if you’d like you can stay with us, instead of this terrible hotel room?”

Steve considered it for a moment. In a way he still wanted to avoid them, avoid it all, to protect himself but he came back to New York for a reason. And he found something even more dreading. Natasha’s words came back to him.  _ Don’t stay alone _ .

So he agreed and Peggy seemed a little surprised for a second, she probably hadn’t imagined he would accept her offer that easily. Honestly Steve was too.

She waited for him outside, next to a black car with a chauffeur, while he was collecting his stuff from the hotel room and payed for the night he was not going to spent there.

They drove to Brooklyn in silence, both looking outside through the car windows on opposite sides. 

When he walked in the apartment he looked around captivated. The place was big, far bigger than anything he had ever known. The living room had large windows revealing a stunning view of Manhattan. They were on the last floor of a relatively recent building by the river in Williamsburg. There seemed to be a balcony outside, probably offering an even more impressive view.

Peggy motioned to the bag he dropped a few seconds ago on the floor next to him at the entrance of the living room. 

“Let me put your things in the guest room.”

“No, please, I’ll do it,” he quickly said as he reached down at the same time she did and their hands touched. They both froze for a moment and shared a glance. Steve felt a warm electricity surge through his body. God, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

She nodded, leaving him to carry the luggage and showed him where the guest room was. He dropped the bag on the bed and sat there after she walked outside. 

“I’ll fix us something to eat,” she said before closing the door behind her.

Steve let his upper body hit the mattress. The bed was far more comfortable than anything he ever slept on and he was tempted to just close his eyes and drift away. But he was here now and if anything, he wasn’t a coward. 

In the kitchen, adjacent to the living room, Peggy was reheating leftovers.

“So S.H.I.E.L.D. pays well apparently,” he casually said as he walked around the island to join her side. “This place is pretty swell.”

She gave him a half-smile. “Well S.H.I.E.L.D. salary isn’t bad, but we acquired this place with our own money. One of the few good things of living through the eighties was investing in the right stock. We can thank Steve Jobs for this apartment and the few others we own.”

Steve lifted his brow. “Few others?”

She huffed a laugh. “Yes, real estate has become one of James’ personal hobby.”

Steve wasn’t sure he grasped the concept of Bucky taking interest in real estate. Honestly they barely owned their own shoes back when they were young. He couldn’t imagine Bucky owning multiple apartments now.

She settled two plates on the kitchen island and he took a seat on a stool opposite to her. They ate in silence for a moment.

“How’s your appetite?” She asked.

“Back to normal. I mean, as in super-soldier normal.”

She nodded. He looked down at his food and tried not to stare at her.

“Where is he?” He finally asked. The question was on the tip of his tongue ever since they arrived but he waited for her to bring the subject.

“On a mission.” 

This confirmed his suspicion about hearing his voice earlier on the phone with Natasha.

“Why haven’t I been called?”

“This is S.H.I.E.L.D.’s business, not the Avengers’. There are plenty of agents that can take care of that. We wanted to give you space, as you requested.” 

“Take care of what?”

She opened her mouth and closed it again. Steve was about to tell her she promised him the truth but she talked without being prompted.

“Chitauri tech is being stolen. We tried to secure the areas affected by the attack but it’s proven difficult to oversee everything. Some weapons are starting to appear on the black market. There’s one particular terrorist cell that specialize in this business. They call themselves the Eleventh Corner. They are based in Guatemala but they have a wide operation in New York City and New Jersey.”

“He’s gone after them?”

“Yes, along with Barton and Romanoff.”

Steve nodded. He appreciated her honesty, especially because if her hesitation was indicating anything, she wasn’t probably allowed to tell him that much.

His fists curled into balls, he should be out there too. He should be helping instead of running away and bury his head in the sand like an idiot.

“I can debrief you tomorrow if you’d like,” she offered.

“Am I even an employee of S.H.I.E.L.D.?” 

He wasn’t exactly sure what being part of the Avengers even meant. Stark wasn’t part of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Thor either that was a pretty certain thing. What did it mean for him though was a little more complicated. He realized that for the first time since before the war he didn’t belong to any military or government program. He didn’t know if he wanted that to change.

“Not officially, no. But we can make it happen if that’s what you want to do.”

“I wanna help,” he stated.

“Then think about it. Sleep on it and we’ll discuss it tomorrow.”

Steve nodded silently and she gave him a quick smile.

Peggy then collected the plates and opened the dishwasher. Steve moved around the island to give her a hand.

“Let me help you.”

He took a plate from her and their hands touched again. It was ridiculous, really, to feel this electricity surge through him. They had touch, well she had touched him, even held him, since he’d been back. But this felt different. They were alone together for the first time. For the first time in what felt like forever.

Steve’s heart started beating far too fast for his taste. He busied himself by putting the plates and cutlery in the dishwasher. He closed it and when he rose up, there was something in her eyes that made him believe she was thinking of it too. The two of them, in the same room, together after so many years.

For a second he let himself drift into the need to lean forward and kiss her. Feel her lips against his. He had thought the memory had faded away but he remembered it bright as day when Rachel had kissed him. 

She made a subtle movement forward, faint and timid but it made his pulse race, a panicked feeling growing. He blinked and when she almost put her hand on his chest tentatively he stopped her. His fingers encircled her wrist and she sucked in a breath.

They weren’t even that close but Steve was certain of what they were about to do if he hadn’t stop them. 

“I don’t think we should,” he whispered. It took everything in him to say it.

“I—” she started but stopped.

“Peggy, I’m not gonna— I can’t be that guy. You’re married. I can’t be the other guy.”

Her brows furrowed. “You’re not the other guy. You can’t ever be. You’ve always been the one,” she let out quickly like she was about to lose the nerve to say it. 

It warmed something inside Steve’s heart that he thought was buried forever even though he felt confused about what it meant for her relationship with Bucky.

“What about Bucky?” He managed to ask.

“He gave me everything,” she said with a weak smile but didn’t hesitate. “He turned the world around for me when I had no hope. Bucky’s my life.”

It was the first time in this century that she called him ‘Bucky’ in front of Steve. There was something there that he couldn’t comprehend yet.

“Where do that leave us?” 

“I don’t know,” she said sincerely. 

They watched each other for a short moment before Peggy was the one to remove her hand from his hold and take a few steps away.

...

It took Steve a few hours to fall asleep. He was watching the ceiling again. He realized he was doing a lot of ceiling observation lately. But tonight something was a bit different. He still dreaded to walk outside, in the streets, to face the people that have lost everything, to see the aftermath of what they couldn’t prevent soon enough. But he was in Brooklyn now. In a warm bed, with the familiar presence of Peggy in the other room. It wasn’t perfect. It would probably never be. But at least he had the courage to give this situation a chance to sort itself. One step at the time.

He closed his eyes and tried to sleep.


	11. Peggy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter (5k+) for you my lovelies <3 Thank you all for reading!

When Peggy left in the morning, Steve was still sleeping in the guestroom. She left him an handwritten note on the fridge.

_ “I’m off to work. Make yourself at home and ring me if you need anything. Peggy” _

It probably was a bit too simple and matter-of-fact, she wasn’t sure what else she should write. Especially not after that awkward moment in the kitchen the night before.

Honestly she wasn’t even sure what could have happened. Was she about to kiss Steve? Maybe. Probably. Or not at all. She was just stricken in that moment that he was here, in front of her, in her home. It felt so vivid suddenly. Years of grief and pain rushed in to be replaced by his reassuring presence. She just wanted to feel him. Feel him alive under her palm.

She was both disappointed and glad he stopped whatever could have happen. They weren’t ready. 

The day passed as quickly as it usually did. She was busy and she couldn’t find a moment to contact Bucky. She wanted to give him a heads up that Steve was staying at their place. He should be back soon enough though. The mission was on its right course and they were able to identify a clandestine factory using Chitauri tech. They took it down but unfortunately a large portion of the weapons manufactured there was already on its way to US soil. Bucky and his team were supposed to come back any day now, to track down the shipment.

It was around 7pm when she was finally able to return home. She didn’t hear or see Steve in the apartment when she got back home until she noticed that the window to the balcony was open, which was never the case.

Steve was outside, leaning over the railing watching the view with a mug of coffee in hand.

“Isn’t it too late in the day to drink coffee?” She asked as she stepped out to join him.

“Not with such good coffee,” he shrugged, turning around to face her. “Your machine makes some of the best coffee I ever tasted.”

He was smiling. And she liked the sight of it. He was wearing a simple pair of dark denim with a white shirt. His longer hair were a bit blown by the light wind that seemed to always be around the building at this height. Her fingers twitched at her side as she imagined them pushing away the runaway strands from his forehead.

“You can thank James for that. I mostly drink tea. He’s the coffee addict in this household,” she said instead.

His smile flattened and she noticed that he flinched a little. Was it the mention of James? Maybe she should start calling him ‘Bucky’. She had addressed him with his nickname more frequently lately. Well, especially in bed. It seemed like every time she whispered it to his ear, it would drive Bucky mad with desire. It was something she had no idea could turn her on as well. She tried not to think about it too much right now. 

“I will,” Steve just said a tension visibly stiffening his body. He turned back to look at the city, changing the subject. “This view is breathtaking.”

Peggy looked away at the skyline of Manhattan. Construction cranes were now strewed the cityscape. She gotten used to it but some missing buildings from the skyline she was now so familiar with after living here for more than twenty years always made her heart heavy.

“Yes, it’s rather nice.” She turned her back to the view and noticed the sketchbook closed with a pencil stuck inside that was resting on the only lounge chair on the terrasse. “We don’t take much advantage of it,” she said pensively, itching to take a peek inside the book. It was comforting to see that Steve was still drawing.

“I can see that, yeah.” Steve mimicked her movement and looked at the sad layout of the balcony. 

There was only that one chair, Peggy wasn’t even sure she knew it was there in the first place, and three ridiculous flower pots. Two of them had dead plants in it and the other was growing exponentially although they never watered it. 

“Your home is… warm and tasteful, how come you didn’t decorated the outdoor?”

It was a fair question that Peggy wasn’t sure she had an answer to. They never go on the balcony. After years in hideout, habits were hard to break she guessed, Bucky wasn’t exactly an outdoors person, nor was she. And she thought about the easy access for potential assassination. There have been a couple of attempts in the past few decades. Thankfully she came out of them unarmed but it would be easy to fly an helicopter up there and take a shot if they were spending time outside.

“Well, we never took the time. Our lives have been pretty busy since we moved here.” That was the best lie she could think of that could cover her bleak thoughts.

“I could make you some furniture,” Steve offered, finishing his coffee.

“Make furniture?” She asked, surprised. “As in build it yourself?” 

An easy smile came to his lips as he absentmindedly scratched his beard.

“Yeah. I’ve worked in a woodwork shop back in Virginia these past months. I’m not an expert but I’ve picked up a thing or two,” he shrugged.

Peggy was suddenly taken by images of Steve in this very same outfit, dirtied by the wood dust, sweat covering his skin and muscles bulging as he worked on the wood. It was a very primal fantasy. She filed it away for later use.

“As long as you guaranty that I won’t fall on my ass when I sit on it,” she teased.

“We’ll make Buck test it first.” He winked with a beautiful playful smile.

“I approve of that plan.”

Steve seemed to relax and it was easy to follow him on that route.

“Just gotta find a hardware store and where to buy some wood.”

“I can ask Martin to order what you need,” she said as she pulled her phone out of her pocket.

He waved her to stop. “No please, I’ll do it myself. Don’t bother him. I’ll keep me busy.”

His voice on that last sentence sounded a little somber and Peggy wondered about it. He walked up to the sketchbook and tucked it under his arm.

“Alright. You can use the car to pick up what you need,” she continued, not courageous enough to ask about his remark about keeping busy.

“You have a car,” Steve commented, sounding a little surprised.

“Yes, in the garage, on the underground level.”

He thought about something for a moment and came back to the balcony handrail, close to her. 

“How come you always go everywhere with a driver?”

“Well…” She hesitated, she felt a little embarrassed at the reason why and she knew Steve could see it.

“There’s a story behind this, isn’t it?” He leaned back on the railing to watch her fully, an amused grin on his face.

“I hate driving in New York,” she confessed. “And I get a little… irritable when I’m behind the wheel. I had a couple of bumps because of stupid drivers and my inability to let go.” She could see Steve’s smile growing wider. “James made me promise not to murder anyone while driving so I stopped altogether.”

And he started laughing. It wasn’t an hysterical outburst of any sort. It was more of an amplified chuckle. Nonetheless it was lovely to see him careless, even if it was just for a short moment. 

She gave a punch on his shoulder, maybe a little stronger than she intended and Steve opened his mouth in surprise, rubbing at the spot she hit, his eyes were still amused.

“Don’t mock me.”

“Ow you gotta pull your punches here, it hurts,” he chuckled again and Peggy rolled her eyes.

“Anyways, the keys are in the drawer in the hallway,” she said with a smile of her own she couldn’t contain. “Feel free to use it whenever you need.”

Steve nodded, his features still at ease. 

“I need to take care of my financial situation first and I’ll get on it.” He turned around again toward the city, the relaxed expression slipping away. 

“Your financial situation?” 

“I’m low on cash. I need to figure out some stuff.”

“Your pension?” 

“You know about that?” 

“Of course I know. I’m the one who took care of your personal affairs when you returned,” she informed him.

The conversation had become serious again and although Peggy was somewhat sad at the loss of their effortless exchange, she was glad he was bringing this up. She gave Natasha the authorization to set Steve’s account when he left. Why didn’t she do it?

“Isn’t it a bit above your pay grade?” He asked ironically. 

Peggy felt that was uncalled for. She cared about him, of course she was going to take care of his personal issues. She was sure he didn’t mean it like that. He probably was still teasing but these type of remarks never really sat well with her. It called on something that she had been struggling for a few years now, she knew it. It didn’t have much to do with Steve per se. 

She was at the head of an international secret operation, and although she would like to think otherwise she knew she didn’t spare nearly enough time for the few people she cared about. Bucky was constantly telling her. Even though he wasn’t much better at it either. They both had always buried themselves into work and ops, probably to forget about some things in their lives, probably not to get attached too much to other people. There were a few exceptions but in the end it was mostly the two of them. 

“Come with me,” she told him. 

She walked inside the apartment, Steve behind her. He closed the door and she led him in her office. 

It was the first time Steve entered this room. He couldn’t have snoop around much while she was at work since she always locked her office door with a code. It had a separate alarm from the rest of the apartment, just in case of an intrusion. 

Steve looked around himself, mostly at the bookshelves covering the wall. He whistled.

“Nice office,” he said while nodding to himself.

She was already typing on her laptop, searching for Steve’s files and bank access.

“I’ve already set up a bank account for you. It’s not activated yet, we were waiting for your approval.” 

A printer started behind her and she gathered the papers coming out of it. All the while, Steve was silent, standing in front of the wooden desk, not being bold enough to go around and watched what she was doing more closely. 

“You took care of that yourself? Personally?” He asked sounding perplexed.

“Obviously. I was not going to let anyone lurked into your personal business.” She checked the documents and piled them up neatly on the smooth surface of the desk.

“Wow, I feel spoiled Secretary Carter.” 

She lifted her eyes to glance at him. He had a smirk on his face but there was gratitude in his eyes. 

She turned the laptop around for him and slid the stack of paper next to it. 

“Once these documents are processed you’ll receive a credit card.” She opened an expensive looking pen and settled it on top of the pile. “It should take a couple of days. This is a secure bank that is used by most of S.H.I.E.L.D. high rank employees. It’s safe and reliable. But if you’d like to change establishment, you are free to do so as soon as your paperwork is through.” 

Steve looked at the screen and his mouth opened up slowly, hanging agape. 

“That’s— All that money is mine?” He asked, stunned. 

“Sixty years of back pay, plus compensation for being a war hero and your fee as a contractor for S.H.I.E.L.D. during the invasion. Yes, that’s the total amount,” she concluded.

“But I never— I mean I never negotiated any of that.”

“I did.”

He blinked, still staring at the screen.

“Thank you Peggy.” He sounded so earnest and grateful.

Seeing he wasn’t moving, she picked up the pen and handed it to him. 

Her phone buzzed in her pocket as he bended over the desk to sign and when she peeked at the screen, she saw an encrypted number calling which meant Bucky or someone from his operation was contacting her. She excused herself and stepped right outside the door, a tightness rising in her chest. They were supposed to go dark for the next 24 hours when she left the office. That call couldn’t mean good news.

“Hello?”

_ “Secretary Carter, we’re in New Jersey, closing in on the target.” _ Natasha’s voice was sharp and business like.

“Is everything going according to plans?” She asked, anxious.

_ “Yes.” _ Natasha answered.  _ “James wanted to let you know that he wants pizza from Best Pizza waiting for him in the fridge when he comes home tomorrow.” _

“I’m sorry what?” Peggy was at a loss. 

_ “Yeah, I lost my gun at the location and long story short he pulled me out of a tricky situation. He said I owed him a favor.” _

“And that’s how you’re supposed to repay him? Using a highly secured inter-governmental line to ask me to order pizza?”

_ “And a bottle of scotch,” _ Natasha added.

Peggy heard Bucky shouting in the background,  _ “the good stuff, the one I like, I never remember the brand!” _ . She shook her head. She was annoyed, they almost gave her an anxiety attack but it felt good to hear his voice, even in the distance.

“Why didn’t he call himself?”

_ “Because he’s an ass. I still don’t understand why you married that idiot.” _

_ “Hey!” _ Bucky shouted in the background.

Peggy bowed down her head and smiled to herself. She loved that idiot.

“Well tell him he’s an imbecile for using a favor from you for something so stupid. Your skills could be of better use.”

_ “I might have suggested this pizza thing.” _

If Natasha was in front of her, Peggy was sure she would have winked. Of course she didn’t want to owe favors to people and now Bucky had used it for an insignificant request. Natasha was good.

_ “We should get back to it,” _ Natasha said.  _ “We’ll notify you when it’s done.” _

“Alright,” Peggy concluded. “Be safe,” she added quickly before hanging up and returning inside the office.

Steve was still standing there. The stack of documents were signed and piled up neatly on her desk.

“That sounded like a strange phone call,” he said as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

“You heard that?”

Steve lifted an eyebrow and gave her a knowing look.

“Ah right, enhanced earring.” She nodded in acknowledgement. She used to have a similar skill, probably not as strong as Steve’s but now it had faded away, along with other abilities brought by the serum.

“I heard you mentioning pizza?” 

“Yes… fancy tasting the finest pizza slice in Brooklyn?”

“Hell yeah,” he said enthusiastically. 

…

They walked to Best Pizza, a small pizza place not far from their apartment. On the way there, Peggy explained how the elevator and security on their floor worked. She told him she could have a new set of keys made and add him to the security system if he wanted. He just answered he would think about it. His answer was actually more encouraging than she expected. 

She was trying to give him enough clues that he was welcomed to stay for as long as he wanted, without being too pushy. She was happy to have him around and she wanted him to stay. If she was completely honest with herself, she wanted him to move in all together.

That wasn’t something she could discuss with him just yet. And she would have to talk with Bucky, even if she knew his sentiment on the matter. They both talked extensively about this while Steve was away and they were on the same page.

They both loved him and if building a future together, the three of them, was something Steve was ready for, they would welcome it eagerly. But that certainly wasn’t a given and they agreed it was better to let Steve decide on his future. The decision was his.

The weather was warm and not as stuffy as it usually could be in New York this time of year. The walk was nice and Steve seemed to relax strolling next to her. He told her about his life in Brooklyn back in the days, sometimes mentioning Bucky. But she knew he was withholding some stories. 

Nonetheless she enjoyed listening to him. Being there, in those streets with him, brought back memories too and soon they were talking about their time at Camp Lehigh. Steve’s face grimaced when he recalled some of the training but when he mentioned Hodges she was the one to blush a little. Not that she was ashamed that she punched the asshole but the way Steve was looking at her right now with adoration and awe when he recalled that moment was bringing back the butterflies she used to feel so easily under his strutiny.

The pizza joint was small but it wasn’t crowded at this time of the evening. The walls and low ceiling were covered with white paper plates. People had been drawing and signing on them for years now. She watched Steve discover some of the nicer doodles with a small smile. 

“I like this place,” he said as they waited for their order to go.

“You can draw something and we can pin it somewhere,” she said easily smiling. “If you’d like,” she quickly added.

“Maybe next time, yeah,” he said quietly.

_ Next time _ . She liked the sound of that.

On the way back they mostly talked about her work with S.H.I.E.L.D. Steve had a lot of questions and she tried to answer them as much as she could, considering the level of secrecy her position entitled.

“Do you miss working in the field?” He finally wondered.

“Yes and no,” she answered. She had given that a lot of thoughts. “I miss punching assholes in the face for sure,” she smirked and he mimicked her, “but the work I used to do as the Director was important. We were starting everything, on the grounds of something good and untainted. It was a chance I couldn’t pass.”

“Especially being a woman,” Steve added.

“Yes,” she looked up at him, happy that he understood her so well, “especially being a woman.”

“You said ‘the work you did as the Director’, what about the work you do today?”

She sighed. “I don’t have the same freedom as I used to have. When I went under cryo a lot changed. Howard… Howard didn’t exactly make things easier. I’m trying to be as true to myself as I can be, taking into consideration the responsibilities inerrant to a position like the one I have.” She gave him a sad smile. “I had to learn to compromise.”

Steve nodded silently beside her. She wanted to tell him more, about the frustration she often encountered. About the many times she thought about quitting. But every time it seemed like a catastrophe happened and she was forced to intervene. She still wanted to keep S.H.I.E.L.D. integrity as much as she could. Even if it meant compromising. 

“Peggy, I’ve been wanting to ask you something and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way,” he said honestly.

“Alright,” she said, curiously. 

“Why on Earth did you take the serum?” Steve stopped walking on the sidewalk, carrying the two pizza boxes and facing her.

She didn’t answered right away. She knew he would raised this subject at some point and she was prepared for it. She wasn’t prepared for the look of worry in his eyes though.

“I had to bring him back,” she just answered.

“But why you? You knew the risks. You knew what happened to Schmidt. It was dangerous, I know you usually don’t give a damn about danger but this, this was reckless.” 

“It had to be me.”

“Why?”

“Oh Steve, you’re one of the smartest persons I know and yet sometimes you can be so foolishly stupid.” A sad smile formed on her face.

Steve’s brows rose up at her remark.

“Because I owed it to you to save him. And because I had nothing left to lose. I’d already lost you.”

“You didn’t owe me nothing. You had—” Steve stammered for a second, not sure what to answer. “You had your job at S.H.I.E.L.D., you had, I don’t know, I suppose friends and—” He stopped himself. “Did you risk everything just to honor my memory?”

“I guess I did,” she said.

“Then you’re the stupid one,” he said bitterly, “because I would never want you to risk everything for me. If anything, I would have want you to live on, have a full life, one that we didn’t have.”

His tone became slower and quieter as he said those words and something flashed through his eyes as he was focusing his gaze on an invisible spot on the ground. He looked back at her with something that terrified Peggy for a reason she couldn’t comprehend. 

She let out a shaky breath.

“Well we can agree on the fact that we aren’t as clever as we think we are, are we?” She said to chase the feeling away.

Steve smiled silently and started moving again. They were a couple of blocks from her building and they walked them in silence.

...

Back at the condo Peggy put out some plates and cutlery out on the living room table while Steve was starting to take the slices out of the boxes.

“Those are for Bucky,” she pointed to the last box.

Steve’s head shot up and he stared at her with a confused look but didn’t say anything. He nodded and went to put the box in the fridge.

“Is he coming back tonight?” He tentatively asked once he was sitting in front of her. She noticed he was trying to be casual about it but the concern in his voice betrayed him.

“Tomorrow most likely. If everything goes according to plans.”

“Is it so far?” A hint of worry was perceptible in his question.

She nodded.

They started eating in silent until Peggy resumed the conversation they were having about S.H.I.E.L.D. the night before.

“Have you given a thought about coming to work for us?”

“I have actually.”

“And?” She asked expectantly.

“I— Well it’s not been easy for me. Being here, in New York.” The name sounded heavy in his voice. “I wished we had done a better job at protecting the city and its people. And if there’s going to be other events like this one, I want to be able to help. I can’t shake the feeling I should be out there with Bucky and Nat, doing something about these terrorists. But I still have my reservations about S.H.I.E.L.D., you must understand that.”

“I do.” Of course she did, even herself had concerns. But there was something else she wanted to address here, because she hated the sound in his voice. “Steve, you’ve saved so many people. Do you have any idea what would have happened if you and the Avengers hadn’t been here?”

Steve shook his head. He knew but she understood his weariness. It wasn’t easy to feel powerless when one had his strength.

“I don’t want to think about it,” he said as he passed his hand on his face.

She put her hand on his forearm across the table. There wasn’t much she could say to make him feel better. She just wanted him to know she was there for him.

“NYC owes you a great deal and S.H.I.E.L.D. too. I’m not sure the team would have held it together as they did if it wasn’t for your leadership.”

She stayed silence for a moment.

“I know the organisation isn’t spotless,” Peggy finally started again. “I might have a position of power and make a lot of the decisions, I’m unfortunately not the only one leading and I had to come to terms a long time ago that S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn’t always righteous. But the work we do is important. If anything, Loki and the invasion proved it. Without us, God knows it could have been worst.”

“I know that. I just don’t want to be tied down if something doesn’t feel right.”

She knew he was referring to Phase 2.

“We can work on a contract that will meet your expectations.”

“I appreciate that,” he lowered his head. “Honestly if you and Buck weren’t part of it, I wouldn’t even consider it.”

She remained silent, sensing there was more to this.

“Peggy, I— the aftermath of the attack isn’t the only hard thing for me, here.” The pain she witnessed in his eyes as he looked at her directly made her heart tightened. 

“I’m sorry.” It was the only thing she could say.

Steve’s breathing became visible labored as he watched her.

“I’m not sorry for being with James,” she continued. “I will never be. You of all people should know why.”

The side of Steve’s mouth lifted up, it was anything but a smile.

Suddenly she was overwhelmed by the need to tell him everything. Everything she went through this past sixty years. 

“You were gone. I mourned you for so long. Honestly I don’t remember how it was to live without grief,” she continued looking into his eyes. “First my brother, then you. I always carried a pain and anger with me, everywhere, in everything I did. Then James appeared in my life at a moment where I was at a crossroad, I’d either found a purpose or hurt myself.” It wasn’t an easy confession but saying it out loud to Steve wasn’t as hard as she imagined, especially after what they previously talked about on their way home. “I thought it was the solution, save him to save you Steve. But I realized that wasn’t going to bring you back or give me peace of mind. Because your were still gone.”

“Peggy,” Steve tried to stop her. He looked really affected by her words but she had to go on. 

“No, no let me finish,” she pleaded. He gave her a silent nod. “The more we spent time together, him and me, the more I got to see glimpses of who he was before the Winter Soldier. I started looking at him differently. Not as an extension of yourself. Once I was able to get past that, I started to let go of my grief. It should not have gone that way, it should have been the opposite but he helped me just as much, if not more, as I helped him. He put me back together just as I was trying to set his mind right. For years I felt like if one of us went to disappear the other would crumble and break all over again. I need him. I love him. I can’t be sorry for that. Because we deserve it. To have something resembling happiness, after everything we’ve been through. And I’m happy I found him. I’m happy I fell in love with him.”

Steve’s jaw clenched. She knew it wasn’t easy for him to hear this but he let her talk.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m so sorry my darling,” her voice started to crack despise her will to control it. “You deserve all that happiness. With Bucky, with me, with whomever you shall choose. You sacrificed everything to save the world and you should have had that chance. I can’t shake the feeling that I was the one who took that away from you,” she whispered those last words and felt tears rolling down her cheeks. There was so much she wanted to tell him. She didn’t know if a lifetime would be enough.

Steve’s eyes were wide open and full of his own tears. His hands slid towards her above the table and he took her hand in his large palms.

“You couldn’t have known,” he pleaded her. “And—” He let out a sharp breath out. “I think I understand now.”

“What?” She asked weakly, putting her other hand on top of his. She didn’t want to lose the contact.

“It all makes sense in the end. My best friend and my best girl.” A sad smile appeared on his face. “I could say I forgive you Peg, but there’s nothing to forgive. You didn’t take anything away. Everything is as it should be.”

She felt the urge to kiss him, right this moment. But there was something in his last words that didn’t sat right with her. He was giving up.

“It’s not.”

“What?” 

“You do deserve that happiness. You should be able to choose. It’s only fair.”

“What does that mean?”

“It’s your call Steve. We both love you. We talked about it while you were gone. We both love you and we both want you happy, whatever you chose.”

Steve removed his hands from hers and remained silence. He stood up and started pacing in front of her.

“I don’t understand. You want  _ me _ to make that choice?” Steve gestured to his chest. “I can’t break you up. I can’t do that.”

“You don’t have to,” she said and bit her lower lip, expectantly.

Steve froze for a moment, watching the floor before his eyes lifted up to her as he came to a realization.

“Are you suggesting—” he stopped himself and blinked a couple of times.

“What do you think I’m suggesting?” She encouraged him to continue.

“The three of us… Come on, that’s insane. I know the world is different now, but this, this can’t be right. There are limits we can’t simply cross.”

“Limits? Don’t you think limits stopped applying when all of us have superpowers and we discovered there are a multitude of worlds beyond our planet?”

“This is not the same, this is—“

“This is our fate. I didn’t think I believed in fate but you have to admit the three of us being together again after all these years, surviving time and death, it must be a sign.”

“And Bucky, he— he agrees with this?”

“He was the one who suggested it.”

“This is insane,” Steve repeated as he resumed his pacing, passing both hands through his hair.

Peggy stayed silent for a moment.

“Do you love him?” She asked quietly.

Steve opened his mouth and closed it again, his fists clenching at his side. “I’ve always loved him. As far as I can remember.” He finally said, looking directly at her.

Peggy understood his hesitation, she was most likely the first person he said that to. Bucky and he never had the freedom to discuss their feelings with anyone else.

“And do you love me?” Her voice was steady when she asked.

Steve watched her with intensity. “Yes,” he whispered and she could see his brain working a million miles a minute. “I don’t understand how—” he started but was cut by Peggy’s phone ringing on the coffee table where she left it. 

Her head shot up. She had put the phone on silence, beside for emergency numbers. She quickly went to retrieve it. That tightness in her chest came back immediately when she saw the encrypted number lighting up the screen. Steve noticed the urgency and followed after her in the living room.

“Yes?” She answered and stayed silent a moment listening to the caller. She blinked as a wave of worry passed quickly through her features. “I’m on my way,” she concluded and hung up.

She immediately moved to the hall. 

“What’s happening?” He asked as he followed her.

“James has been injured,” she said as she zipped up her boots.

“What?” Steve blurted.

“He’s alright, it’s serious but not life threatening. The mission didn’t go as planned, I don’t know more yet.”

“Wait, I’m coming with you.” 

“No,” she stopped him as she opened her front door. “You can’t. You’re not supposed to know about this. I’ll bring him home.”  

She put her hand on his bicep and squeezed.

“I promise,” she assured him, as steadily as she could managed.


	12. Bucky

So that mission ended up being a very unpleasant one. It hadn’t turn out the utter disaster Bucky was afraid of. They still secured a vehicle full of Chitauri weapons but half of the terrorists ran away. They would catch them eventually. Natasha was already on her way back to Guatemala for a recon mission. Unless she decided to take matter in her own hands, which was often the case. Bucky had stopped trying to prevent her to do so, because it usually ended with her stopping the bad guys. So yeah better to let her do her thing.

In the meantime all Bucky wanted was a large glass of whisky, a hot shower, his bed and Peggy’s warm body against his.

That was until he learnt that Steve was at their place.

Now he wasn’t too sure he knew what he wanted more. Have Steve wrap his arms around his shoulders in his bed. Or both of them. Jesus, that was a nice thought. One that couldn’t happen obviously but still it felt good to think about it as Peggy helped him get out of the car and he hissed between clenched teeth when pulling up from a seated position.

The injury was one of the worst he had to suffer ever since he started working for S.H.I.E.L.D.

At some point during the fight, he came face to face with a terrorist that held a ray gun. The man was pointing the weapon at Clint and Bucky jumped the shooter, trying to snatch the gun away by knocking the guy down.

Unfortunately the bastard avoided the blow and Bucky ended up pinning him down on the ground, the weapon trapped between their bodies. Bucky barely had time to put his metal hand in front of the barrel of the gun before his enemy took the shot.

Bucky was launched across the room but luckily the metal absorbed most of the blast, and for a second he thought about thanking HYDRA for building the prosthetic until he felt a sharp white pain practically blinding him. The blow still hit him in the abdomen, tearing away his skin. He rolled over and looked back at the remains of the terrorist whom had been instantly killed by the ricochet of the blast on the metal. He lifted his prosthetic hand up to discover it had been damaged as well. The plates made a screeching sound, the motion twitchy and barely responsive as he moved his fingers and wrist.

Clint came running to his side and muttered, “Jesus fuck, man,” as he took a look at the torn up suit, the ripped kevlar revealing a nasty wound oozing blood at an alarming rate. Clint applied pressure on it and Bucky retreated in a space of his mind where the pain was filed away and repressed.

After that his memories were kind of blurry until he woke up at the SHIELD medical facility in Midtown.

Now Peggy was supporting his weight in the elevator up to their floor. He could walk actually but she insisted in helping him. And it felt good to have her body curled under his.

“I can’t believe I survived an alien attack without barely a scratch and this fucker got me so easily,” he grunted.

“You’ll feel better by tomorrow.”

“Yeah, well at least they gave me enough painkillers to knock down a rhino, so there’s that,” he said, a little dazed.

When the apartment door opened, Steve was there, waiting in the hallway with a concerned frown. He looked up and down at Peggy holding up Bucky and quickly stepped forward to offer his help.

Peggy untangled herself and Steve slipped his arm under Bucky’s good shoulder and Bucky let himself lean onto Steve’s solid body. Steve carried him all the way to the living room.

Peggy moved a stool so Steve could ease Bucky down to sit, excruciatingly slowly. He was being so careful, Bucky had a quick laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Peggy frowned watching him, both hands on her hips. Steve was standing next to her with a similar pose.

“I ain’t made of glass y’know,” he shrugged, “mostly metal.”

Peggy rolled her eyes. God, they both looked so beautiful with all that worry on their faces. And they were worried about _him_. He wondered how he could deserve both of them really. With all the horrible things he has done, they were still here, concerned and loving and damn, he couldn’t contain a stupid smile to appear on his face.

“Well I see the drugs are working.” She turned to Steve. “I have to go, the council has called for an emergency meeting. I’d do it here but I also need to debrief the rest of the team before it happens.”

“I’ll take care of him.” Steve nodded.

“Thank you,” she told him, brushing her fingers on his arm before turning to Bucky.

She hesitated, he saw it. Probably because Steve was there but there was so much worry in her eyes, he knew she just couldn’t go without touching him as reassurance.

She leaned in to put a kiss on his forehead and Bucky put his real hand on her hip as she did. When she straightened up, Bucky saw that Steve was watching them attentively.

“I’m calling Tony, ask if he can have a look at your arm tomorrow.” She said and Bucky nodded. He turned his hand into a fist and the metal made a grating sound. It felt stiff and sent a spiking unpleasant sensation all the way up to his shoulder.

Once she was gone, Steve crossed his arms over his chest and let out a deep breath. Bucky lost himself while taking a good look at him, the hazy feeling that was clouding his mind didn’t help him focus on anything else. He had missed Steve so fucking badly over these past three months.

Steve had a stubble that was practically a beard. Bucky liked it. A lot actually. He had never seen Steve with anything than a clean shave, maybe a couple days worth of stubble a few times during the war when they didn’t have time to shave out there in the trenches. But this new look made his hand itchy, he wanted to reach out and stroke it.

“What happened?” Steve asked and took Bucky out of his fantasies.

“You saying that like it’s my fault,” he smirked before adding, “dunno if you remember but I was not the one always looking out for a fight. Now you know how I felt all these years.”

But that didn’t seem to amuse Steve, at all. He looked at Bucky pointedly.

“An asshole blasted me point blank in the stomach,” Bucky said a little more seriously.

“With a Chitauri weapon.” Steve looked pissed. Bucky could relate, it was pretty daunting to think about those weapons being sold on the black market.

“Yep,” the word popped out of his mouth a bit too loudly.

“Anyone else injured?”

“Not Clint,” Bucky said sarcastically, “I jumped in front of the guy to save him, he owes me a lifetime of bar rounds. Maybe two lifetimes.”

Finally, there was a soft smile on Steve’s face. Bucky liked the sight of it.

“So, you’re back?” Bucky asked and shifted to get up.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Steve immediately planted himself in front of him, his hands hovering above his shoulders, without touching.

“I need a drink.”

“Then ask me, you jerk.”

Bucky blinked and sat back down. He hadn’t heard Steve call him a jerk in a long while.

Steve went to the fridge and came back with an opened bottle of water.

“Here.”

“Thanks.” Bucky drowned half the bottle. It was not whisky but it still felt good.

“You staying here with us?” Bucky continued after a short silence where Steve was observing him with a constant frown.

“I guess so.” Steve shoved his hands in his pockets.

“You’re…” Bucky wasn’t sure what he wanted to ask. Was Steve okay about that? Did it mean he had forgiven them? Shit his mind was clouded with the drugs and he hated not being able to have this conversation with Steve right now.

He groaned and lifted his metal hand to his side.

Again Steve stepped closer to him. “How are you feeling? Did they gave you something to take care for the pain?”

“I think they gave me a shot of half the painkillers available all the way to New Jersey. I should be rambling like that youtube video of the kid coming back from the dentist.” Bucky couldn’t repress a stupid smile as he remembered the video that Clint showed him a few years ago. They laughed their ass off for hours, playing it over and over again, while Natasha was giving them her most epic eye roll.

But obviously Steve had no idea what he was talking about and looked at him puzzled. Those lost puppy eyes were so beautiful though. He stared at his eyelashes and then down at his lips. Full and pink and God, he wanted to kiss him so freaking much.

“Maybe you should eat something?” Steve said, backing off.

He came back from the fridge and opened the box with the pizza slices they bought earlier.

“Oh thank God,” Bucky exclaimed as he lifted one slice to his mouth not bothering with asking Steve to heat it up.

Some food in his stomach left good. Bucky finally didn’t feel so high. His body was processing the drug at a rapid pace and soon the effects would completely wear off. He hoped the pain would be manageable until the injury would start to heal. He had known worst but it was mostly during his years with the KGB and back then he was conditioned to ignore the pain. He knew this time would be different.

He passed his hand through his hair. It was sticky and tangled. Bucky realized he probably still had the dried blood of the asshole who shot him all over his face.

“Damn I wish I could get a shower.” He groaned and grimaced.

“Not supposed to wet the wound?” Steve asked.

“Nah. I should probably wait until tomorrow.”

Steve kept silent for a short moment, considering something. And then he stood up and slid his arm under Bucky’s good shoulder.

“Come on, I’ll help you clean up a bit,” he said avoiding to look at him.

…

In the bathroom, Steve settled Bucky on the edge of the bathtub and started rummaging the cupboards.

“Left one, under the sink.” Bucky pointed to Steve so he could get a washcloth.

Bucky watched Steve in silence as he wetted the washcloth under hot water and came around him to get a soap from the bathtub tray.

Bucky unzipped the S.H.I.E.L.D. hooded sweater they gave him at the med bay and started removing it. Getting out of it hurt but the pain was still tolerable. He winced none the less when he had to bend back and twist his torso to remove the sleeve from his metal arm. Steve was immediately there, helping him to take it out.

Steve crouched down in front of him, getting on his knees and instinctively Bucky opened his legs to let him come closer. It was strange how natural that felt and how much he wanted this. Steve taking care of him. Like so many time they had done in the past. After these stupid fights Steve always ended up provoking and later, during the war, cleaning up each other’s wounds and scratches. More often Bucky’s than Steve’s once he took the serum. He remembered kissing the damaged skin on Steve’s knuckles and neck and chest when he was still a skinny teenager. And wow. No he couldn’t go there right now.  

Steve hesitated a second and moved forward. If the look on his face was any indication, this moment was definitely bringing back these intimate memories for Steve as well.

Steve started cleaning Bucky silently, moving Bucky’s head to the side to start with his cheek and neck where the worst of the stains were. Then he brushed the cloth all the way down his torso, lingering a moment to take a look at the large dressing on his wound and the nasty bruises and burns that spread around it.

Bucky had remove the chain with his wedding band before leaving the medical facility as soon as Peggy told him Steve was home waiting for them. He gave it to Peggy, telling her he wanted to avoid Steve seeing it. She wrapped her fingers around it without a word.

Steve stood up to rinse the cloth and then tried to get rid of the dried up blood patches in Bucky’s hair. After he finished removing as much as he could, Steve came back in the same spot between Bucky’s legs. Probably even closer but Bucky was still a little dazed and he wasn’t sure he was imagining it or not. Nonetheless having Steve between his legs, so close, brought sensations he didn’t try to keep away from his mind. Bucky got lost in the sweet feel of Steve’s touch as his hand settled on Bucky’s thigh. Steve’s face was concentrated as he meticulously cleaned Bucky’s skin and the sight was captivating.

Steve hesitated before applying the wet cloth on the shoulder attached to the prosthetic arm. Bucky took a deep breath and Steve carefully trailed the wet fabric on the scars.

“That okay?” He asked quietly squeezing his thigh.

Bucky nodded in response. The skin there was sensitive, almost like all his nerves were exposed. But he wanted to feel this.

Steve moved to the other shoulder and cleaned his real arm all the way down, turning Bucky’s hand and opening his palm. Steve looked at it for a moment before bending over and putting a lingering kiss at the center of it, breathing in deeply.

Bucky’s eyes drifted close for a moment, just losing himself in the sensation. His eyes opened when he felt Steve’s hand resting on his chest, above his heart, shaking sightly. His eyes were fixated on Bucky’s face, the beautiful pool of blue turning darker. He was close, so close. Bucky couldn’t take his eyes away either.

His open hand went around Steve’s neck in a gentle and natural motion, pulling him closer. He stopped barely an inch away from Steve’s lips and waited. Waited for Steve to back away, to tell him to stop. He gave him as much time as he could but when Steve’s mouth parted slightly, his gaze never wavering from Bucky’s lips, he pulled Steve to him.

They kissed and it was just like everything Bucky remembered. Strong and soft, Steve’s taste practically the same, his tongue dancing with his instinctively, the tickle of his beard the only new sensation. But this time it was better than anything he remembered because it was real. It wasn’t a blurred memory, tainted by years of mental torture.

Steve pulled away and looked at Bucky, blinking rapidly.

“I don’t—” he started to say but stopped. He was breathless. Bucky didn’t think it was because of the kiss.

Steve suddenly stood up. But Bucky immediately put both of his hand on the side of Steve’s thighs, prompting him to stay. He squeezed the firm muscles under his palms, his metal hand emitting a low screeching purr.

Steve’s crotch was at Bucky’s head level and his eyes immediately dropped on the bulge there. Steve wanted this, just as much as he did.

“Don’t go,” Bucky pleaded him as he looked up. “I want to feel you,” he said in a desperate whisper.

Steve swallowed with difficulty but he didn’t move.

“Steve,” he begged and brushed his fleshed palm on the bulge of his pants. Steve sucked in a breath and it sent a shudder all the way down Bucky’s spine. He felt Steve’s cock become harder under his fingers.

“Bucky,” Steve’s voice was raspy and breathy and it made Bucky’s want grow even strong, his hunger now readable in his eyes. Steve seemed mesmerized by it.

“We can’t do that to her,” Steve said nonetheless.

Bucky considered it for a moment. This didn’t feel like betrayal, this wasn’t wrong. He was so sure of it. She would understand. He knew she would because if it was her, here now, with him, he would too.

“She won’t mind,” Bucky said with certainty as he started stroking Steve through the rough fabric of his jeans and the soldier moaned loudly above him, his eyelashes fluttering.

Bucky moved his hand to his belt, he looked up at him.

“Do you want me to go on?” Bucky asked. He had to. He would never do something Steve wasn’t ready for. Even thought he could read his body language like an open book and he was sure Steve desperately wanted this.  
  
Steve’s breath hitched and he didn’t push the hand away. His eyes were asking him, almost pleading him until he finally nodded.

“Yes.” The sound of his voice was deeper than before.

So Bucky undid his belt slowly, pulled down the pants and underwear, letting his hard length spring free.

Bucky bit his bottom lip at the sight and leaned forward to take a tentative lick from base to top.

“Oh God, Buck,” Steve moaned as he tangled his fingers in Bucky’s hair.

It was all it took for Bucky to take him entirely in his mouth. Steve dropped his head back and tightened his hold on Bucky’s hair. A plaintive sound came from the back of Bucky’s throat as he started bobbing his head up and down Steve’s cock. He felt an unpleasant pain on his abdomen as he moved but he just couldn’t care less right now when Steve’s moans were becoming louder and his firm stomach muscles clenched above his head.

Bucky kept sucking him, taking in as much of him as he could. He missed him, he missed this. Steve filling him, so unbelievably hard, blood pumping under his skin. He started caressing inside his thigh, the skin so smooth under his palm, far to smooth than it should be given the life he had led.

He cupped him with his palm and Steve’s hips made an uncontrolled thrust in his mouth, inciting Bucky pick up the pace. Steve made a broken sound and came, his body spamming as the orgasm washed up over him. Bucky swallowed and let go of him, while Steve was bracing himself on the wall nearby.

His face was flushed, almost strawberry red and his eyes screwed shut. He was trying to control his breathing as the last waves of pleasure were submerging him. Bucky loved it, loved it so much. It has always been one of his favorite things from as far as his broken memories allowed him to recall, the sight of Steve undone by his touch. He never thought it would ever witness this again. Bucky marvelled at the fact that Steve was here at all when everything sane should have made it impossible.

As he sat straighter Bucky winced loudly, holding his abdomen where the wound was sending sharp spikes of pain. _Bloody super-soldier strength, what a joke._ And if he wasn’t in agony he would have laughed out loud at how much this sounded like Peggy in his head.

Steve was alerted by his distressed groan and darted his eyes open.

“Dammit Bucky,” he bent over to quickly pull up his pants without even fastening his belt and crouched down in front of Bucky. He softly put one hand over Bucky’s without applying pressure on the wound and the other on his cheek.

Bucky smiled. He liked how Steve’s touch wasn’t shy and hesitant anymore. Steve noticed the smirk forming on Bucky’s lips and shook his head.

“You’re impossible. Come on, let me look.” Steve pushed his hand away from the dressing and Bucky braced himself on the edge of the bathtub. “You better not have ripped open your stitches.”

“T’was worth it,” Bucky lifted his eyebrows, trying to cover up the intense ache contorting his face. “Also they use glue to close wounds now. Stitches are ancient.”

“Yeah well, ancient just like you, old man,” Steve pressed a quick but hard kiss on his lips much to Bucky’s surprise. “Com’on, let’s get you to lay down.”

Steve lifted Bucky up and walked supporting his weight to the bedroom. He helped him out of his shoes and pants, before Bucky laid back carefully.

“Okay, yeah. That’s good. Not moving ever again,” Bucky sighed when he could finally relax his body against the pillows.

Steve gave him a last look and his eyes dropped down at his open belt. Before he had time to close it, Bucky grabbed his wrist.

“Stay,” he told him.

…

Bucky wasn’t sure what time it was when he was woken up by a presence in the bedroom. His eyes darted open and for a second he didn’t feel Steve’s weight at his side where he had fallen asleep earlier. His head turned sharply to find Steve peacefully asleep, hugging Peggy’s pillow with both arms. He let out a breath and he saw a shadow move in the door frame at the corner of his eyes.

He sat down, bracing himself for the pain. Dammit it still hurt like hell.

He noticed that the light was on in the kitchen as he walked slowly in the corridor. Peggy was standing in front of the counter, starring away at nothing.

“Hey,” he whispered.

She watched him, her features were tight. He walked over and took her in his arms. She hesitated to return the embrace but almost immediately wrapped her arms around his neck avoiding his injured side.

He gave her a long, lasting kiss. One that he hoped conveyed how much he loved her. He didn’t want her to think that Steve being in their bed with him meant she wasn’t welcomed there anymore. He said it, multiple times by now, he didn’t want to choose. He wanted them both and he still meant it.

“How do you feel?” She asked when he pulled away.

“Better, already better,” he reassured her. It wasn’t true but he would be better soon. What was a little lie to ease her worries.

She gave him a weak smile, he was certain she caught on his lie. There wasn’t much he could hide from her but she didn’t say anything.

“Let’s go to bed,” he said and she frowned.

“But Steve’s—”

“Come on.” He cut her and gestured toward their bedroom as he tugged at her hand so she would follow him.

He helped her out of her clothes as they walked inside the dark room and let her go get a t-shirt for the night in the dressing room. When she walked back he stretched his hand to her as he stood by the bed. She took it and looked down at Steve, still asleep in their bed.

He put her in the middle, between Steve and him and tried to get on his good side comfortably enough so he could encircle his arm around her back. She buried her head in the crook of his neck and let out a shaky breath.

As he was drawing soothing circles on her back, he lifted up his eyes to look at Steve above Peggy’s head. He found him awake, eyes opened and focused on him, something unreadable on his face. Bucky stopped caressing Peggy’s back and extended his hand toward him. Steve’s expression softened and he took Bucky’s hand, dropping a kiss on his knuckles.

The warmth that was spreading in Bucky’s chest gave him hope and almost made him forget the physical pain he was in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for still being here and enjoying the story! Just to let you know I'm invited to a wedding this weekend in another city and I won't be able to update until I come back. So there will be a bit more time then usual between this chapter and the next. 
> 
> In the meantime let me know what you thought of this chapter! It's kind of a turning point in their relationship...


	13. Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for publishing so late! I wanted to do a final read of it before posting and real life has kept me too busy these past few days.
> 
> As I read it again, this chapter felt like a bit of a filler, a needed transition after what happened in the previous one. But fear not, the upcoming one is going to be pretty eventful.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! Let me know what you think <3

Steve opened his eyes to the bedroom of Bucky and Peggy, bathed in sunlight. The bed was empty next to him as he rolled on his back. He took a moment to wake up, his mind still clouded with the event of the night before. Him and Bucky in the bathroom. Peggy joining them to bed. That wasn’t the development of the situation he had in mind when he decided to come back to New York less than a week ago.

God, it hasn’t even been a week and he already shared a bed with Bucky. And Peggy. That was just… He couldn't really put words on it. He couldn’t say it was exactly wrong, but he still felt a sort of uneasiness. Especially towards Peggy.

Yeah, he felt guilty but at the same time he had wanted it so damn much that he remembered being on the verge of what felt like exploding when Bucky had his hands on him. His brain literally stopped working for a moment and he had to follow what his senses told him. That it was right.

Peggy’s words still rang in his ears. _This is our fate._ What if it really was? What if he didn’t have to chose as she seemed to suggest? He wanted it. He wanted them both and it was utterly confusing. He couldn’t really imagine how this was supposed to work. Was Peggy okay with Bucky being intimate with Steve? Would he finally be able to be with her, to taste her, like he had always longed for. What about Peggy and Bucky’s marriage? The more he thought about it, the more questions formed in his mind, shattering the conventions what he had known his entire life. He was familiar with the feeling of wanting something forbidden. But this, this all felt so unattainable and yet it didn’t feel wrong, not the least.

It took him back to what feels like a hundred years ago. When Bucky and Steve were these stupid kids in love and unable to be together because the world was a threatening place, ready to judge them, ready to send them to hell. He hated this feeling.

He groaned and decided to finally face whatever was expecting him out of this bed.

They were in the living room. Bucky was seating on the couch and Peggy was carefully changing his bandage. It looked like Bucky had taken a shower, his hair was wet and pulled back in a messy bun. His color was better. Peggy was fully dressed and her hair was done, it looked like she was ready for work already.

Bucky’s wound was exposed and it was just as nasty as Steve had imagined it under the dressing. The blue bruises around it, almost covering Bucky’s entire stomach and left part of his chest were already turning yellow, indicating that his body was healing.

“Good morning Steve,” Peggy said without looking back at the soldier.

Bucky gave him a beaming smile and that was enough to make Steve’s insides crumpled with something warm and terrifying. He shuffled his feet and stood there awkwardly.  

She turned around after she finished applying a new dressing. The three of them were silent for a few seconds. Steve didn’t know what to do.

“Hi,” he said, clearing his throat.

Peggy was the first one to move. She stood up, leaving Bucky to slump back on the couch cushions as she walked past Steve.

“Would you like some coffee?” She asked as she reached the kitchen.

He just nodded, still unable to form words apparently.

Bucky was looking at him. He was lightly touching his bottom lip with his fingertips.

“How’d sleep?” He asked all the sudden and Steve was at lose with words. Honestly he hadn’t slept that well ever since he woke up. The warmth of the bed with both their bodies next to him was still too vivid.

Peggy came back with a cup of coffee. Steve took it eagerly from her hands, brushing his fingers with hers in the process. Her face didn’t give anything away. At least she didn’t seem angry.

“I have to go to the base,” she informed them as she stood in between both men.

“Again?” Bucky leaned in and frowned. “Peg, you got home at two in the morning last night. I’m sure S.H.I.E.L.D. can do without you one damn morning. Let Martin or Maria deal with whatever has to be done.”

She let out a deep sigh. “You know I can’t do that,” she just said.

Steve hoped that Peggy rushing back to the office didn’t have to do with his presence in their bed. He couldn’t see animosity is the way she was acting toward him but she had always been good at concealing her feelings.

“Come on,” Bucky stood up and came closer to her. His movements were much smoother and he didn’t seem to be in too much pain anymore which felt like a relief to Steve. “Can we spend some time together? The three of us? There’re stuff that, you know…” He let his phrase handing.

She looked at him intently, glancing back at Steve for a second. Steve was clenching his mug and kept quiet.

“We gotta talk,” Bucky finally said.

Steve was with Bucky on this one. They needed to talk. But he couldn’t say anything, really, it wasn’t his place.

“I know. And we will. Just—” she stopped and watched them both one after another. “The attack has shaken the world and it’s our duty to make sure we can face what’s to come. To keep the alliances we have with local governments. Right now there's too much at stake. I’m afraid S.H.I.E.L.D. can’t hide anymore.”

Bucky bowed his head down for a second and Steve itched to reach for him. And to reach for her too. It seemed like the fate of the free world was still in their hands, just like during the war.

“Everything is alright, I promise. But I have to go. I’m sorry, darling,” she said, watching Bucky then Steve who wasn’t sure to whom this words were meant for. “I’ll try to get home early.”

She came closer to Bucky and put her hand above his heart. “You have to go to the Tower anyway, Tony is expecting you. And I have no desire to spend time with him today. He’s been fishing for information on the Eleventh Corner for the past month and I don’t have the patience for his poking around.”

Bucky let out a groan and when she started walking towards the hallway, Bucky moved to Steve’s side, taking the mug out of his hand. Steve gave him an incredulous look as Bucky started drinking his coffee.

“It was getting cold,” he said with a smirk and honestly Steve wasn’t able to find any kind of come back when he looked at how pretty that teasing smile looked on Bucky’s lips.

“And how do I get there?” Bucky turned around to glance at Peggy who was putting her laptop on her handbag. “I’m injured and all.” He gestured at the bandage on his stomach and gave her a raging example of puppy eyes that were even more adorable.

Apparently Peggy wasn’t going to fall into a trap that he had probably tried to pull on her multiple times if her her eye roll was any indication. “Don’t be dramatic. And Steve can go with you.”

“To Stark Tower?” Steve finally said.

“Good, he can talk,” she sarcastically commented and turned on her heels to head to the hallway. “Make sure he sees Tony, Steve please.”

“Yeah,” Steve said as he watched Bucky drown down the end of his coffee. “Yeah, no problem.”

Peggy disappeared in the corridor and soon they heard the door of the apartment close.

“That was my coffee,” Steve said squinting at his friend holding the now empty mug.

Bucky leaned in close. “I’ll get you one on our way to the city,” he said and concluded his phrase with a peck on Steve’s lips.

Steve froze for a second. Shit, yeah, they should definitely talk about what was going on here.

…

In the car on the way there, Bucky was typing something on his phone and Steve was watching him.

“Did you talk to Peggy this morning?” Steve asked him.

Bucky dropped the phone on his lap. “A bit, yeah.”

Steve nodded. He wasn’t sure he had the right to ask about her reaction.

“Steve,” Bucky asked, “do you regret what happened last night?” His voice dropped to a whisper so their driver wouldn’t hear.

“No,” Steve’s response was immediate. It surprised him a little but that was the truth.

“Good,” Bucky just said. His flesh hand squeezed Steve’s thigh discreetly.

...

Steve walked in Stark Tower and looked around himself. This was even more impressive than S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters. He had been to the top floor during the attack but never had the chance to walk by the ground level and even less take the time to look around. They were a bit busy then.

The tower was still under construction although most of it seemed to now only take place on the upper floors. The lobby was in pristine condition, almost as if nothing happened here at all.

Bucky and Steve easily went through security, they were expecting their visit and when the elevator door opened on Tony’s personal floors the blaring sound of AC/DC invaded the space.

“Well well well,” they heard as they stepped inside Tony’s lab, “JARVIS, lower down the volume.” The music became more tolerable. “I didn’t know you were going to bring an escort today, Bucky.”

Tony spun around the stool he was sitting on in front a working bench. The lab was gigantic, almost taking up half the floor. Machines, tools and screens were crowding the space. There was a wall with alcoves showing various iterations of the Iron Man suit.

“Or is it just ‘Buck’? I’m not sure of the specifics of this new nickname?” Tony said as he stood up and walked towards them.

“Bucky,” he answered. “And it’s not new.”

Tony clasped his good shoulder, “Wow, you look like crap.”

Bucky glared at him but Tony ignored him and motioned to stand in front of Steve. The billionaire had pronounced dark circles under his eyes and he seemed even more agitated than usual. There was something there that Steve knew very well. A lingering unrest. Trauma. Tony was certainly trying to cover this up by his big mouth but Steve was not mistaken.

“Hello Tony, it’s good to see you.” Steve offered him his hand.

Tony looked down at it for a second and shook it in return. “You too, Cap,” he said sincerely.

“Thanks for doing this,” Steve said and glanced briefly at Bucky.

“Yeah well, let’s get to it. I’ve been wanted to poke at this piece of tragically antique tech for years.”

Bucky grunted as he fell into steps with Tony, Steve following them closely.

“Sit down T-800,” Tony ordered.

Steve stayed up beside Bucky who took the seat Tony was pointing at. He removed his hoodie and glove and set his metal arm on the work table. Tony laid down some tools and a StarkPad in front of him and carefully took a look at the prosthetic, turning it sightly in his hands. He was quiet now and concentrated.

“Mhm”, he mumbled to himself. With a small screwdriver he pressed into a space between the metal plates on Bucky’s forearm. “I’m assuming that how we open Pandora’s box…” The metal screeched and half of Bucky’s arm opened up. “Bingo!” Tony said triumphantly.

Tony looked inside for a moment and plugged in a couple of wires before picking up and looking at the tablet.

“I’ll have to run a thorough analysis but I’d say the blast misaligned the plates in your hand, screwing up the calibration of the panels all the way up like a domino effect. Do you feel it?”

“Yeah, I do,” Bucky answered, “it’s like the metal is resisting and rusty somehow.”

“Damn, I’d love to see how they wired this to your nervous system.” Tony motioned to lift Bucky’s sleeve with the screwdriver.

“No,” Bucky said sharply as he slapped Tony’s hand away. “Just fix the misalignment.”

Steve flinched at his side. He didn’t like how this seemed to affect Bucky.

“Alright, alright, jeez.” Tony shook his hand with exaggeration. He looked back at the tablet. “This will take a while. The calculations need to be exact if you want your motions back to normal,” Tony rolled his stool away to face a large screen and started typing rapidly and discussing data with JARVIS.

Steve put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder and brushed his thumb on his collarbone. “You alright?”

Bucky looked up at him with a tiny smile and nodded.

“Does it hurt?” Steve jerked his chin at the metal arm. He never had the nerve to ask before but when Bucky mentioned feeling the metal resisting and Tony talked about Bucky’s nervous system, Steve wondered what were the sensations he could feel in the arm.

“No, it’s just unpleasant. Don’t worry,” Bucky whispered.

Tony glanced up to them and Steve let his hand drop at his side.

“Where are you staying these days Steve?” Tony asked, falsely casual. “Need somewhere to crash? I got a few empty studios up here if you want to.”

Steve was a bit surprised that Tony offered him to stay in his tower. But it was somehow comforting. Maybe Steve had been wrong about Tony’s animosity. Maybe that was something they could work on.

“I’m actually staying at huh—” Steve started to answer but stopped himself. The knowing look Tony gave him made him slightly uncomfortable.

“He’s staying at our place,” Bucky finished for him with a confidence Steve wished he could have when it came to his personal love life.

“Oh,” Tony smirked like he already knew the answer. “And how that working out so far?”

Steve could feel his ears turning bright red and he avoided looking at Tony. Shit, were they this obvious? Turned out they might not be as good as they were back in the forties at hiding their relationship.

“Very well, thank you for asking,” Bucky shut him up. “How long will it take?” He tried to redirect the conversation.

“Hum, we’ll know in a bit.” Tony turned back to the computer. “How did this happened by the way? Aunt Peggy said you were hit.”

Steve leaned his head to the side, surprised to hear Tony refer to Peggy by ‘Aunt’ and not because he was making one of his brash jokes.

“I was. And don’t try to fish for intel, I’m not telling you more. Not until this mission is complete.”

“Having an idea of what type of weapon hit you could help with the diagnosis.” Tony faked a detached interest in his question.

“That’s not true,” Bucky shot back squinting his eyes.

“Yes it is,” Tony crossed his arm in front of his chest, facing Bucky.

“No,” Bucky insisted.

“Yes.”

“Don’t be childish, Tony.”

Tony snorted. “If there are weapons built by Chitauri tech as the rumor has it, you know I can help.”

“We’ll keep you posted if there’s anything you can do with the situation,” Steve concluded before Bucky was able to add anything. It seemed like Tony and him would start bickering for days if an adult in the room didn’t intervene.

“We? You joined S.H.I.E.L.D. while you were hiding out or what?”

“No. I mean, not yet.”

Bucky didn’t seem surprised. Steve assumed Peggy must have say something to him about him wanting to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. Or at least Bucky was expecting it.

A quiet ding warned Tony that his computer had finished its calculation.

“Okay,” Tony typed again on the keyboard and slid the stool back in front of Bucky, “looks like you’re gonna be here for a while. Four to five hours, at least.”

He looked down at the opened panel to examine it closely.

Bucky lifted it up his head to Steve.

“You wanna head back home?”

“I can stay if you want.”

“Nope, no need for that,” Tony said as he was still peeking inside the metal arm.

Steve considered his options for a moment.

“Actually, my bike is still parked in East Village. I should pick it up while I’m here.”

Steve had left his bike outside the hotel he rented the other day when Peggy offered to stay at their place. He had been meaning to collect it but never really found the time. And now he was in Manhattan so...

Bucky gave him a key of the apartment and also let him know that they added his prints for the elevator. The security system required fingerprint scanning in order to access their floor. The feature was incorporated in the elevator button. Courtesy of Stark Industries, as Tony remarked.

“Their building is the perfect showroom for all kind of safety measures we develop here,” Tony commented.

There were apparently various security systems. In addition to the multiple alarms, the windows were bullet proof and they had a stainless steel roller shutter on all doors and windows that can be activated in case of an airborne attack.

“Are there really people out there that want to kill you this bad or are you just that paranoid?” Steve asked puzzled at Tony’s full list of security measures.

He knew there was something more there, not just paranoia. He noticed it the day before when Peggy talked about them being too busy to go out on the balcony. She didn’t tell the whole truth. She wasn’t ready to tell him, he assumed. Or she didn’t want to face the real reason. They were scared. Scared to lose each other.

“There’s been a few attempts. Not on me. Well, not so much since I took down most of Hydra remaining cells. But being one of the heads of S.H.I.E.L.D. makes Peggy a target. It’s just precautions,” Bucky said, rather severely.

“And you’re two paranoid idiots,” Tony added.

“We’ve seen enough. Being paranoid is just second nature,” Bucky said.

Steve winced as discreetly as he could. This was not a way of living. Not a healthy one anyway.

“Can’t argue with that,” Tony mumbled. “I added a few new features to the tower in case extra terrestrial beasts decide to tear down another wormhole above my place of residence.”

“What new features?” Bucky asked, seeming way too interested.

“I can show you later, now stay still or I might cut the wrong wire and you’ll lost all sensations in your metal hand.” Tony glanced at Steve. “We wouldn’t want that, would we?” And he winked.


	14. Peggy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next three chapters will be much longer than the previous ones, around 6k+ words. Just so you know :) I hope you'll enjoy this chapter! Let me know what you think.

Peggy looked at the time in the top corner of her computer screen. She winced a little, it was later than she hoped it would be. It was still the middle of the afternoon but she wanted to come home.

The US and Guatemalan governments were on her back, the operation there hadn’t wrapped unnoticed and she was trying to avoid the geopolitical mess that would result from it.

Ever since the battle of New York, the general public and intelligence agencies from all around the world knew now the existence of S.H.I.E.L.D. It was getting harder and harder to run black ops and avoid political implications. Especially when her most effective team was composed with half of the Avengers. That was without counting on the fact that Captain America might soon be a part of it.

She dove into work and endless meetings and conference calls as soon as she set one foot in this damn building. But her mind was elsewhere. Still in bed with the men she shared it with.

Her fingers hovered above the keyboard, standing still and her eyes were glued on the screen but she wasn’t seeing any of what was displayed there.

She remembered the moment she woke up that morning. Opening her eyes to find Steve, sound asleep, facing her. His hand was resting on her hip and the touch felt like it was anchoring her. She ached to lean in, to touch his cheek, to remove that strand of hair from his forehead, to press her lips on his. But she didn’t. She didn’t want their first kiss since 1945 to be when he wasn’t fully there, in the moment. She wanted that kiss to be perfect, not rushed, not stolen.

Then she heard the shower stop and Bucky make his way in the dressing room. Reluctantly she looked away from Steve’s peaceful expression and lifted his hand from her hip as carefully as she could. He didn’t even flinched.

In the dressing room she found Bucky getting dressed. He had a pair of worned jeans on, his hair was wet and the bandage on his wound definitely needed a change.

He kissed her, gently. Far too gently. She wasn’t sure why. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the reason just yet.

She told him to go to the living room and that she would help him with cleaning his injury after getting ready. Once she walked there with the supplies to make a new bandage, Bucky was on the couch, he had already removed the old dressing.

Peggy stopped for a few second and looked at the gnarly wound. When she went to pick him up at the medical facility the day before he was already patched up and she hadn’t seen the extent of the damage. Looking at it now, she realized the gravity. If he hadn’t had his prosthetic and his abilities, he wouldn’t have survived. He would be dead.

The air in her lungs cut short and she had trouble taking her next few breaths.

Bucky looked up when he heard her gasp. “Are you alright?”

He motioned to stand up but she cut him and took the last steps that separated her from the couch quickly. “Yes, I’m fine.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “No you’re not.”

It was annoying how bad at lying she became when she was with him. He knew her too well.

She busied herself in laying out the supplies on the coffee table next to where she kneeled down, trying to look detached. But it didn’t fool Bucky. He reached for her cheek.

“What is it?” He asked, his tone full of worry.

She shook her head silently.

“Is it Steve?”

She sharply looked up at him. “Of course not.”

She saw the tension ease out from his shoulders slightly, although he still seemed concerned.

“Then what?”

Peggy let out a quick breath before gathering her courage. “You could have died.”

Bucky’s face twisted with an understanding that seemed to pain him and she hated to make him feel that. It was not like she could stop herself for fearing to lose him constantly but she could at least try not to make it too obvious for Bucky’s sake.

He gathered her in his arms to have her sit on his lap.

“What are you doing? Your injury,” she protested but didn’t exactly resist his embrace.

“It barely hurts anymore,” he said as he set his hand on the back of her head to push her face against his neck. She let her muscles relax and buried her nose there, taking in his fresh scent of his skin from the shower. Citrus and sandalwood. A smell that was just him.

After a few minutes of letting herself go and just enjoy his touch she straightened up, immediately looking down at the wound.

“Well, next time you decide to save Barton’s life, just don’t. He can very well defend himself,” she joked with a hint of a commanding tone to lighten the mood.

Bucky started laughing quietly. The expression on his face as he laughed, how the corners of his lips curved so high and his eyes lightened up, was one of the most beautiful thing in this world.

“Copy that, boss,” he answered playfully.

She stood up from his lap. “Now let me have a look. Did you wet it?”

“Tried not too. But it’s not a big deal, it’s getting better. I can feel the difference already.”

“Still, I don’t want it to get infected. It won’t be pretty even with your healing abilities.”

She started gathering gauze and hydrogel to start cleaning it.

“Alright, doctor,” he teased again, with that flirtatious sound of his voice she knew too well.

“What did we say about roleplay?” She lifted her brows.

“I know what you said, I still would be up to try it for the record,” Bucky answered far too smoothly.

She snorted and continued her work on cleaning the wound.

He had been in a good mood. She could understand why. She knew they would have to talk about it, eventually. What had happened the night before, why Steve was in their bed. Not that she was against it. But for a short moment, when she saw them together, her heart almost stopped. Her fear of losing him, of losing them both really, it came back rushing. It was irrational, she knew it. Bucky had been perfectly clear, absolutely adamant  and reassuring for the past few months that he loved her more than his own life. But she just couldn’t stop her doubts to creep in.

Thankfully Bucky had heard her and prevented her to spiral into the bubble of her insecurities. The relief she felt when he took her back in their bed was beyond words. She realized quickly that Steve was awake too. She hadn’t made any sign to acknowledge it. It was too soon. He wasn’t ready. Or maybe she wasn’t. Oh God, why was this so bloody tourmanting. Couldn’t it be just easy and natural like it felt it should?

As she was turning frustrated with herself she noticed that Bucky hadn’t said a word in the past five minutes. When she put the cleaning supplies on the side and lifted up her head to look at him she met his eyes immediately. They were set on her and she could almost see the wheels of his brain working as he was deeply thinking about something.

“I need to tell you what happened with Steve last night,” Bucky told quietly, his voice steady and serious.

“You don’t have to,” she answered just as certain as him.

“We didn’t have sex, but we—” he started but she cut him.

“Love,” she put her hand on his cheek. “I trust you. And I trust him. I don’t need to know.”

“You don’t need to know, or you don’t want to?”

“I—,” she paused, thinking. Maybe he was right. “Listen, I’m not blind. And I know you two have a history. A very very strong history. It was meant to happen. I might not be ready to hear everything but I will be. I promise you I will be.”

He leaned in her warm hand on his cheek, closing his eyes for a second.

“What’s next?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” she replied. “I don’t think any of us know. Especially not Steve. So let’s not pressure him.”

Bucky nodded, lost in his thoughts. There was a flash of guilt going through his face.

“Hey,” she made him look at her. “He spent the night in our bed. That’s a good sign.”

Bucky’s lips curved up in that lovable smile, the one he had when he was feeling vulnerable and open. One that only she knew. And probably Steve.

That was when she heard Steve’s footsteps in the corridor and saw Bucky’s eyes lifted up to look behind her.

Now she was alone, in her office and just wanted to hop in a taxi and get back home to watch that happy smile on Bucky’s face.

She sighed loudly and dropped her hands on each side of her keyboard. There was no way she was getting any work done.

“Ma’am,” Martin’s voice called from her intercom, “Deputy Director Hill wants to know if you had a few minutes.”

Peggy pressed the answering button, actually relived for the distraction. “Sure, let her in,” she said, “and Martin, you’ve done enough these past two days, go home early.”

He thanked her and Peggy’s office door opened with a smooth sound.

Maria was in full gear as she walked in, going straight to the chair across Peggy’s desk and slumped in it unceremoniously.

“Boss,” the woman greeted her.

“Agent,” Peggy answered lifting her brows. “You look exhausted.”

“These assholes are getting on my nerves.”

“On mines too,” Peggy finally finished the last notes on her report and shut down her computer.

“The Black Widow is apparently after a good lead,” Maria informed her.

“Good,” Peggy stood up and rounded her desk. She opened a cabinet and took out a bottle of scotch. “May I offer you a drink to make this day better?”

“It’s not even 4pm, Peggy.” The younger woman paused for a second and Peggy didn’t change her expression. “But hell with it.” She reached for the empty glass Peggy was giving her.

“At least Natasha on her own will be less noticable. That last mission turned a lot of eyes on us,” Peggy stated as she filled the woman’s glass then hers.

“How’s James by the way? I read in the report that he was injured,” Maria asked, taking the drink Peggy was handing her.

Peggy leaned on her desk, on the same side where Maria was sitting, facing her. She sipped her scotch and took a mental note of buying a bottle for Bucky on her way back. They were out and she remembered Natasha silly request before everything turned to shit.

“He’s in pain but it’s nothing his body won’t take care on its own. Any other person with regular physiology wouldn’t have survive the blast.”

Maria frowned. “These weapons are bad news, if they can incapacitate a man with James’ strength.”

“I might have someone to bring on board that could be a great asset.”

“Someone I know?”

“Steve Rogers.”

“Rogers?” Maria straightened up from her slumping position and looked at Peggy intentively. “Is he back?”

“Yes.”

“And you’ve seen him?” Maria leaned forward. This wasn’t about work anymore, they just entered personal territory.

Peggy drowned down her drink and glanced at her friend.

“He’s staying with us,” she started while Maria’s eyes opened wider. “We slept together.”

“What?” Maria almost choked on the word.

“Just slept, shared a bed, relax,” Peggy pushed herself from the desk to refill her glass.

“You and Steve?” Maria continued her questioning, looking surprised.

“Not exactly,” Peggy said with a slightly wicked smile.

“You and James?” Maria frowned. “How is that news?”

“Me, Steve _and_ James,” Peggy said as she looked at Maria directly in the eyes.

“Oh,” Maria’s face changed from stunned to perplexed, like she was trying to grasp a complicated concept.

“Yes indeed.” Peggy took a large gulp of the amber liquid. “Oh,” she repeated Maria’s word.

The brunette sat back on the chair, still considering Peggy’s revelation. She watched her curiously for a moment.

“Is that something you’re planning on repeating?” Maria asked Peggy.

Peggy blinked and took a short moment before answering. She didn’t even know why she paused when the answer was so crystal clear to her. Maybe it was admitting it outloud. Maybe it was just that she didn’t feel an ounce of shame or uneasiness and this was surprising somehow.

“Honestly? Yes, I do.”

…

Bucky wasn’t back yet when Peggy finally came back from work. She left right after Maria returned to her duties. At home, she found Steve outside, on the balcony again. He was sitting on the lounge chair, drawing, his sketchbook propped up on his knee.

He turned his head around when he heard her stepping outside.

“Hello there,” she said.

“Hi Peggy,” he offered with a bright smile.

It was excruciatingly warm for this time of the day, Peggy walked towards the handrail and leaned forward on it to look at the view. The sun was starting to dive lower behind the buildings and with the absolute lake of air, it felt stuffy and heavy. She didn’t know how Steve could handle being on that balcony with this kind of weather.

“You are spending more time here than neither Bucky and I ever did in the five years we’ve lived here.”

Steve was quiet behind her before speaking.

“You called him Bucky again,” he just commented.

Peggy pivoted and faced him, reclining back and resting her elbows on the railing.

“How come everyone calls him James? He’s never used it before beside for official stuff,” Steve elaborated.

“He refused to be call Bucky after he was freed from HYDRA’s conditioning,” Peggy said as Steve uncrossed his legs and closed the sketchbook, giving her his attention. “It was easier to call him ‘James’. When he was more of himself, he kept this name. I think it was a welcomed new beginning for him. He was not exactly Bucky anymore but he wasn’t the Winter Soldier either.” She shrugged. “You’ll have to ask him if you want to know more. There are still certain things he doesn’t share.”

Steve contemplated her answer for a moment before speaking again.

“How was he when you found him?” Steve’s voice was small but firm at the same time.

“Steve, do you really want to go down that road? I know you have guilt. You shouldn’t entertain that.”

“But I want to know,” he said as he stood up and came closer to her, far closer than necessary.

Her muscle memory brought her back to the night they spent together. The feel of his strong body in her bed, so close, his hand resting on her hip. It all was so fresh on her mind.

She put her hand on his chest and watched it moving up and down with the rhythm of his breathing for a moment.

“It’s not your fault,” she said, barely above a whispered and looked up at him. “He’s back now. You’re back. It’s all that matters.”

Steve subtly angled his upper body closer to her and set his hand on her waist. It was a timid touch, one she hoped would turn into something fuller. But she didn’t want to push him. He had to come to her on his own terms.

“Are you okay with—” He stopped himself. “What happened last night, are you okay with it?”

“Would I be here if I wasn’t?” She spoke softly.

“Probably not.” There was a hint of a smile on his lips.

“You very well know that if I was indeed jealous I’d already have throw you out. And punch James in his perfect face. Or both of you.”

Steve’s mood changed subtly. She wasn’t sure if it was her joke or the fact that she called Bucky ‘James’. She reminded herself she needed to call him ‘Bucky’. He seemed to have chosen to go by it now. But after thirty years ‘James’ still came more easily. She would get there, eventually.

Steve removed his hand from her waist and took a step back. She swallowed hard at the loss of his warmth.

“He’s still with Tony?” She asked.

“Yes, Stark said it might take a while.” Steve went to sit back and collected his sketchbook without opening it, his voice was a little stiffer. And just like that the moment was gone.

Peggy sighed despise trying to hide the disappointment. She looked at the low sun in the distance and the orange hue the sky had taken. She could feel the sweat on the back of her neck. She always hated that time of the year in New York.

“This heat is killing me. I am going to take a shower,” she said as she went back inside, closing the door to leave Steve alone on the balcony.

…

Peggy was applying her expensive skin routine in front of the bathroom mirror. Not that she particularly needed anti-aging or moisturizing, her skin was almost perfect since Howard administered the serum, thank him for that, but she liked the smell and the texture.

She didn’t want to admit it, not even to herself, but she was still unsecured when it came to her relationship with Steve. She didn’t really had her doubts during the war, it was pretty obvious to her and everyone that he cared deeply for her.

When he rescued Bucky, something shifted of course. And she immediately saw it. Especially in the way Bucky looked at her and how Steve and Bucky seemed to occupy each other’s space. There were small touches, affectionate, far more intimate than a friendly touch. They never were obvious when they were in the presence of another person and if no one was searching for clues, they wouldn’t notice it. But she did. She observed them and she knew Steve well enough by then to be sure of what she was witnessing.

Oddly it didn’t seem to matter to Steve, after a few weeks of adjusting having Bucky back around, he carried his behavior toward her just as it was before. Shy, inconspicuous courting. Lovely and just the right amount of flirting. Despise what he always thought about his capacity to speak to dames, Steve knew how to make her feel special.

She never knew if Bucky gave Steve his blessing, told him they couldn’t have a future so he should pursue her. That thought made her desperately sad. They both deserved so much more.

And maybe they should take the opportunity life put in their hands to try and finally be together in broad daylight.

No matter how often Bucky had stated that he didn’t want to leave her and how Steve seemed to start to consider this strange relationship trio, she still was terrified of losing them both. Maybe she would always be?

She was applying cream on her hands, lost in her thoughts when she heard the door open behind her and lifted her eyes to the mirror to see Steve coming in.

He walked slowly until he was standing right behind her. She was only wearing a towel, wrapped around her body and she noticed the way his eyes trailed on her form. Her lips parted and she let out a breath. She didn’t want to move, didn’t want to do anything that would make him leave.

He brushed his fingers on the skin of her arms and it gave her goosebumps. She lifted her shoulders in response of his feathery touch and he pressed the palms fully on her biceps. He brushed up and down a short moment while he looked at her in the mirror. She could see he was still thinking, still trying to wrap his mind around how their relationship was developing. She understood his wariness, this was not known territory. It was even beyond entertaining a relationship with a man back in the forties. But Steve had done it. Steve knew about forbidden loves. A small hint of hope rose in her fluttering heart.

Steve’s fingers moved to her jaw and he made her turn around to face him. She followed his silent instructions as he planted his eyes in hers and bended down slowly to press his lips on hers.

Peggy felt like she could melt and crumble right there under his touch. The first and only kiss they shared should have been a vague memory, faded by the long decades that followed. But it wasn’t and she remembered it like it was yesterday. The sensation of his lips brought back the love and loss mixing together and she felt overpowered by it. It was perfect.

The kiss was chaste and Steve pulled away after a few seconds. Her lips parted and she let out a gasp, her eyes still closed. Steve watched her with worry for a second before her eyes opened and bored into his, pleading him to continue.

His mouth captured hers again and this time he pressed further, letting his lips part and his warmth invade her. He took a step forward and pushed her against the bathroom vanity. He was kissing her with his entire body deliciously pressed against her.

Her hands were in his hair and he was gripping her hips with a need that grew more urgent as the kiss deepened.

They stopped for a short moment to catch their breath. But Steve didn’t move away from her. She was still trapped between his body and the furniture.

She looked at his face, flushed and so beautiful. Her hand went to move some strands of hair that had fallen on his forehead and cupped his jaw. She let out a short chuckle she couldn’t contain. The happiness bubbling inside her was too strong to contain.

“What?” Steve asked, with a curious smile.

“Nothing,” she bite her lip and shook her head slightly. “I just waited a very long time for this.”

Steve’s eyes were lighting up with something resembling of joy.

“Really?”

“Of course, my darling,” and she leaned to be the one to kiss him this time.

Each seconds passing as their lips pressed and brushed each other, as their tongues played and entangled, as their hands roamed on their bodies, made Peggy in need for more, much more.

Steve was the one to chuckle this time. “God, I should avoid setting a foot in this bathroom at all cost.”

Peggy froze and blinked at him a few times before gathering the courage to ask.

“What happen between you and Bucky yesterday?”

She didn’t let Bucky the chance to say much that morning. But Steve was in bed with him, both of them practically naked, she knew what had likely happened. She wasn’t sure until now if she wanted to know, if she was ready. She loved them and while the idea to be with the two of them was appealing, she realized she might need a bit of time to get adjusted to the idea of her husband and her long lost love being intimate. Yes, there was a part of her that was deeply aroused by the images her mind created of Bucky and Steve but a fantasy was vastly different than reality.

Steve looked at her curiously. He probably thought that Bucky had told him.

“Does it bother you?” He asked to her surprised.

She had imagined he would apologize or even back off. Instead the blue of his eyes changed to a darker shade and she was feeling his close presence even more heavily.

“No,” she said in a breathy voice.

“Does it bother you that we didn’t wait for you?” He pushed further.

Peggy’s breath caught in her throat. She was not expecting this and she certainly wasn’t expecting the response of her body to his question. Her tights clenched to contain the spreading heat and now her mind was crowded with images of Bucky and Steve, here, in the bathroom, doing unspeakable things to each other.

It didn’t get easier when Steve started towering above her, putting both hands on the vanity behind, something in his eyes she had never seen before. Pure, unaltered lust.

She managed a smug smile, taking control over herself. “Possibly. What about we make it even?”

As soon as the words left her lips, the corner of Steve’s lips lift up to match her wicked smile. He pushed himself from the vanity and hooked one finger inside the hem of her towel, just above her breasts. He let it linger just enough to annoy her and when she was about to snatch his hand away to remove the towel herself, he pulled the fabric away and the towel fell on the floor around her feet, exposing her naked body to Steve.

She let him take his time to watch her from head to toe, his eyes felt like burning as he took in every inch of her skin and mapped it out in his mind. She loved that.

When she had enough she reached for the hem of his shirt around his waist and pulled it above his head. God, he was so built, she almost forgot. And they were kissing again, all hands and bare skin brushing fervently.

Steve’s hands slid under her ass and lifted her up from the floor. She wrapped her ankle behind his back and arched in his arms, perfectly grinding against his hard length. He let out a loud groan as he started walking to the bedroom, never breaking the kiss.

He dropped her on the bed and Peggy scooted backwards until her back was resting on the pill of pillows and she settled herself comfortably, opening her legs just enough to give a sneak peek to Steve.

He was watching her again, one hand turned into fists at his side, the fingers of his other one brushing at his lower lip. Peggy’s heart skipped a beat when she noticed the movement. Bucky did this too.

“God, you’re gorgeous,” he said.

“And you’re overdressed.” She jerked her chin to instruct him to get rid of his pants.

Once the jeans and shoes were out of the way, he started crawling on the bed, still in his underwear. There was a predatory gleam in his eye as he progressed on the bed that had her swallowing thickly but she kept her composure.

His body covered hers with one of his knees pressing between her legs. They kissed again and soon Steve’s mouth fell to her neck and her collarbone as one hand trailed down her waist and thigh, then back up again, leaving her skin buzz in anticipation. She could feel his hard length pressed on her thigh through his boxer and she gently rolled herself against him, causing him to inhale sharply against her. She was desperate for his fingers to venture where she wanted him but he kept his caresses and moved lower to capture her nipples between his lips and teeth.

Peggy couldn’t repress the moan that escaped her at the sensation and she felt him smirk as he kissed the sensitive skin of her breasts. It made her smile at how smug his behavior was, but also a bit competitive. Soon her fingers plunged in his boxer and she wrapped herself around his coke, strocking without waiting for him to adjust to her touch.

“Shit,” he swore between greeted teeth, his hot breath on her nipples. She ignored it, concentrating on how his face was crumpling as she kept going. His hand twitched on her thigh.

“Touch me,” she whispered in his ear. She just couldn’t take it anymore.

His eyes bore into hers, the lust was still there but suddenly an insecurity was tinging it. She stopped gradually her stroking and settled her other hand on his chest.

“There’s something...,” he was a little breathless but so serious that for a second she was afraid he was second guessing everything. “I— I never done this.” She frowned at his confession. “With a woman, I mean.”

Her nerves started to melt away, instead being replaced by warm affection. She smiled at him, trying to make it reassuring, she hoped it conveyed all the love she felt for him right this moment.

His lips were set in a firm line and her eyes dropped on them. She pushed herself up from the pillow to come closer.

“I’ll show you,” she said, her lips brushing his. “If you still want this?” She questioned.

“Yes,” he immediately answered, without an ounce of hesitation, “yes. I want you Peggy.”  
She captured his lips and removed her hand from his boxer to wrap her fingers around his wrist. She settled his palm right above her mounts and put her own hand atop his. She guided him down as he locked his eyes with hers.

When the tip of his fingers brushed her clit, she flinched slightly. Her reaction was barely visible, it was mostly her walls clenching at the sensation but he noticed. His eyes narrowed a little and his fingers started moving on their own. She removed her hand to let him explore.

His touch was tentative, not as driven and efficient as Bucky’s, especially after decades of practice. Her husband knew exactly what drove her mad, where and how he needed to touch to make her see stars, sometimes in less than a minute.

Steve’s touch was softer, slower and hesitant but he was watching her to study her responses, so she exaggerated some, making it more obvious what made her feel good.

As Steve kept his stroking and the idea that maybe someday Bucky could join him, show him, came to her mind, she started whimpering. It felt so bloody good but she was desperate for him.

Her hands went to work on removing his boxer and his cock sprung free, thick and hard bouncing against his involuntarily flexing abdominal muscles.

She knew they were rushing this but she just couldn’t wait any longer. She felt a want, a need in a way she hadn't experience before. After sixty years of an absence that ate her inside, after mourning him, after giving up on the possibility to feel him that way, he was there. Alive and breathing and ready, oh so ready for her.

“Should we get protection?” He asked, his fingers going still on top of her core.

She shook her head.

“You sure?” He said, hesitating.

“I have an IUD and I’m pretty sure that we’re both in perfect health,” she smiled affectionately.

“A what?”

“Birth control,” she explained.

His mouth rounded to form a O and he silently nodded.

Peggy slide her hand up the back of his neck pulling him to her, a moan escaping her lips when he finally settled between her thighs. She moved her lower half against him in slow, small circles. His hips jerked forward in response, making her bite her lip in anticipation.

He let out a shaky breath as she reached between them, taking him in her hand to situate him. He pushed slowly into her, she felt his stuttering intake of breath against her skin. Her head tilted back on the soft pillows and her eyes closed on their own. He pushed even further on his second thrust. The sensation was so good, the fullness and warmth once he was completely sheathed within her. She opened her eyes when she felt him lift on his elbows above her.

Steve’s eyes were all over her face as if trying to memorize her in this moment. He was looking down at her like she was the only thing in the world that meant anything to him and she could see the small beautiful man she fell for at Camp Lehigh in his genuine gaze.

“You feel so good,” he breathed out.

His movements were a little halting at first until he pushed inside her in earnest, the bed frame starting to sway. A burning feeling started to spread all over her body and her muscles clenched around him, eliciting a choked sound coming from deep in his throat.

She wanted more, she needed more. She hooked one leg high above his hip and the change in angle allowed him to dig deeper.

Each thrust made the twirl in her belly tighter and tighter and she buried her face in his chest, her teeths sinking on the skin of his collarbone. With one hand he reach under her, spanning over her lower back and lifting her to get an even deeper angle. Her head fell back against the bed and she wrapped her other leg around his hips. His free hand reached for the top of the headboard and he used it for leverage to steady his movements. The muscles of his arm and chest flexed, being drawn tight at every movement. God, he was spectacular.

She grabbed his hair with one hand and gave a sharp pull to the back, making him groan her name with a forceful thrust that sent her over the edge, her orgasm overpowering her.

His hips pressed into her with two more deep thrusts and every muscle in his body tensed above her. She released the grip of her fingers on his hair and trailed them down his shoulder, they twitched with a small shiver.

“Oh fuck,” he breathed out, his own orgasm washing over him. She slowly let her ankles fall from around him, framing limply his legs on the bed.

"That’s how it’s called, yes," she chuckled.

He pulled back to smile at her, without thinking, she reached up, brushing her lips with his.

He kissed her gently in response before sliding off of her and pulling her against his chest where she settled comfortably. They stayed just like that for a moment, quiet and savoring each other’s touch.

“Did that live up to your expectations?” She asked him softly as she traced circles on his chest with the tip of her fingers.

“It far exceeded them,” he chuckled.

“Was it different than with Bucky?” She continued cautiously.

Steve shifted her in his arms so he would see her face. His blue eyes were filled with affection and something else. Conflict? Sadness? His lips parted and he kissed her fully and with a care that made her want to completely let go and cry.

“It is, yeah,” he finally said, as he rested his forehead on hers.

“How?”

“I don’t know how to put it into words. But what I’m sure of is whether I’m with him or with you, it feels right.”

“Yes, it does,” she smiled a little.

She could see he wanted to say or ask something in the way his features were concentrating on her. He was frowning, his eyes slightly narrowed and she focused on his long lashes before smiling again.

“What is it?”

“What’s an IUD?” He asked her after a few second of pondering.

“An intrauterine device,” he made a strange face as she said this. “Don’t worry, it’s just birth control.”

“Sounds painful.”

“Only when it’s inserted. Otherwise it’s pretty efficient and comfortable.”

“Is it permanent?”

“No, it can be removed,” she answered, wondering about that question.

“Did you and Bucky ever thought about having kids?”

His question caught her off guard. It was a sore subject, one that Bucky and her have talked about many times. They both agreed that having children was not for them, their lives and line of work weren’t made to have a family, it would be too dangerous, they couldn’t risk a child’s well-being. And that was without taking into account their physiology, or the risk of having the child abducted to be a lab rat or worst.

Peggy lifted herself on her elbow, her lips were forming a tight line and she wasn’t sure what to say to Steve.

He immediately noticed her discomfort.

“I’m sorry, I overstepped.”

“No,” she immediately reassured him, her head falling down as she sighed, “you have every right to ask. We decided on not having children a long time ago. This is something we both think is best. We can’t bring a child in a middle of this, this life we lead. And there’s no way of knowing exactly what the serum could do to a baby borned out of two parents that received different version of it. It’s too risky.”

Steve was concentrating on her answer, seeming to take in everything she just said.

“But, do you want children?”

She opened her mouth and closed it. In the many years they spent together, Peggy had never allowed herself to imagine having a family with Bucky. She never wanted to entertain a fantasy that should never happen.

Although if she let go of logic and safety, the answer was crystal clear to her. Yes she wanted children, yes she wanted Bucky to be their father and yes she would love them with a fierceness that she never demonstrated before.

“Do you want a family? Is that something you ever imagined?” She asked instead, incapable to say those words out loud.

Steve blinked, seeming unsatisfied with her answering to his question with more questions. But he didn’t press further and she was grateful.

“Yes, I have thought about it,” he paused before adding, “with you.”

It felt like her heart stopped altogether in her chest.

They remained silent for a long time before Steve pulled her back into his arms. Peggy’s eyes immediately filled with tears once he couldn’t see her anymore.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” he said quietly.

She just managed to nod silently in his chest, but she knew this was something they would need to talk about with Bucky if this relationship was going to develop the way the three of them seemed to want.

“I’m happy right here, with you in my arms,” he said as he kissed the crown of her head.

“I am too,” she whispered and buried her head in the crook of his neck, leaving a kiss close to where her bite mark was still visible.

…

Steve was sprawled on the bed face down, sound asleep. Peggy was reading on her tablet, sitting up against the headboard, only wearing one of Bucky’s tee shirt. The regular and soft snoring that Steve made was covered by the sound of keys in the front door.

Steve’s arm was resting across her thighs, gripping them possessively. She looked down at his peaceful face and couldn’t find it in herself to wake him up, so she waited for Bucky to get to the bedroom.

The door was open and she soon saw his broad shape coming from the corridor. He leaned on the door frame and crossed his arms over his chest. His movements were better, less altered by pain, his body was healing.

He glanced at Steve beside her before running his gaze on her bare legs above the covers and all the way up to her face. He had a soft expression on his face, smileless but gentle.

She extended her hand in his direction.

“Come here,” she whispered to not wake up Steve.

Bucky eagerly walked around the bed to stand at her side, he wrapped her hand in his metal fingers. Peggy’s eyes dropped to it.

“Was Tony able to help?”

“Yeah, he fixed it. I was actually quite impressed,” he said but quickly corrected himself when Peggy gave him a look, “not that I was doubting him.” He lifted up her hand to his lips to kiss its back.

“That’s good news,” she smiled.

“I’m afraid we opened a can of worms though, he was very insistent that I should have checks up often and that he could come up with improvements,” he said this last word mimicking quote marks with his free hand. “I think he likes my arm better than me.”

Peggy laughed as quietly as possible but Steve let out a soft groan, shifting to tighten his hold of her.

She lifted up her head to look at Bucky who was watching Steve with a loving smile.

“I can’t believe he’s here,” he whispered, almost to himself.

She couldn’t agree more. His presence, not only here in their bed but in their lives, now, was close to a miracle.

Bucky dropped another kiss on Peggy’s hand and left her side. He walked around the bed, while removing his jeans and t-shirt, dropping them on the floor at his wake.

Once he was only in his boxer shorts, he climbed on the bed next to Steve and lightly pushed him with his hip as he settled on the pillow.

“You’re taking all the room, punk. Move,” he said as he rolled on his side and draped his arms around Steve’s middle.

Peggy was mesmerized by the sigh of Steve’s sleepy face frowning and groaning as he scooted closer to her, allowing Bucky to spoon him more comfortably.

“We’re going to need a bigger bed,” Peggy whispered before setting the tablet on the nightstand and lying down, Steve immediately wrapping himself around her.


	15. Bucky

When Bucky woke up he was on a firm and warm surface he soon identified as Steve’s chest. He took a peek up at Steve who had a smirk on his face.

“Finally,” Steve said as he pressed his lips on Bucky’s temple, “I was wondering if you’d ever wake up.”

Bucky just groaned as sole answer and snuggled closer to Steve’s warm body. He glanced at Steve’s other side where Peggy should be, but the bed was empty there.

“Where’s she?” He asked, his voice hoarse from sleep.

Steve was absentmindedly caressing his metal arm, slung across his chest. He wished he could have goosebumps, that his skin could react but the tingling sensation was enough.

“She got up half an hour ago,” Steve answered.

“What time is it?” 

“Around ten I think,” Steve craned his neck to look at the clock on Peggy’s side. 

“We slept in. Haven’t happened in a while. She should be at work.” 

“It’s Sunday today,” Steve said, as he resumed brushing his fingertips on Bucky’s arm. “Does she work on Sundays too?”

“Sometimes,” Bucky burrowed his nose on Steve’s neck and pressed his body closer to him. God he felt good, so warm and soft and firm in all the right places. Bucky ground his morning erection eagerly on Steve’s thigh. 

“Is your arm fixed?” Steve asked as he looked down at the prosthetic. Apparently the punk didn’t want to engage in his game. 

Bucky had always been a morning cuddler, or more than cuddling preferably. He didn’t know if it was his sleepy brain or the foggy memories he sometimes still had a hard time to recollect perfectly but there were images of the last time Steve and him were together in bed coming to him.

It was a cold night in the french Alps. They shared a tent, just the two of them for once. They usually were at least four of the squad cramped up in the tents at nights. When they were lucky enough to have tents. But they needed extra watch rounds then. The area was particularly dangerous. It meant less crowded sleeping arrangements. 

Bucky was freezing and after asking a couple of times if he wanted to share his sleeping bag and Bucky refusing each time, Steve had enough of hearing his friend’s teeth shatter and hopped on his bag, offering his body warmth.

_ “You’re making so much fucking noise with your teeth, I can’t sleep, scoot over _ ,” Steve mumbled, as a lousy excuse. 

They hadn’t been that close for the past year, if not more, timelines were still hazy. Not since Steve became Captain America anyway. After Bucky realized Steve was falling head over heels with Agent Carter, he decided to not stand in the way. That was their secret, their never spoken of promise. If one of them found happiness with a girl or anything resembling, then that would be it. They just couldn’t continue what they were doing. It was the right thing to do.

But four hours later when the first ray of light peered through the seams of the tent, Bucky woke with Steve wrapped around him, feeling so fucking damn good that he just couldn’t stop himself. And Steve wanted it as much as him. In the quiet of the tent, they gave up resisting and Steve had to cover Bucky’s mouth when he practically screamed as he came. Bucky didn’t thought he would love Steve’s new strength as he did.

But it was the only and last time he would taste it. That morning Bucky made himself the promise to never touch Steve ever again. That he would forever be his friend and that should be enough. He cried himself out when Steve left the tent. And when he finally walked out, Steve was nowhere to be seen, returning to camp half an hour later his eyes red and puffy and looking at Bucky with a longing that broke his heart. Steve knew it was the last time they would be able to be together in that way too. 

Today thought, today would be a happy memory and Bucky knew it. They were together again, able to touch, able to kiss. Nested against Steve’s body, Bucky felt like he was exactly where he belonged, it felt as natural and instinctive as breathing. 

“Yeah, almost good as new” Bucky answered lazily, lost in bittersweet thoughts. “Tony wants to add a compartment with a rocket launcher.”

Steve chuckled and it resonated in Bucky’s entire body, making him moan.

“Do you feel this?” Steve asked as he continued to caress the smooth surface of the metal.

“Yeah,” Bucky answered in a gruff voice and moved his metal hand down in Steve’s underwear, wrapping his fingers around him. “I can feel that too.”

“Buck,” Steve warned as his hips jerked up in response to the sudden touch and he hissed between his teeth as Bucky started stroking his half hard length. 

Bucky shifted in the bed until he was straddling Steve. He looked down at his lover and licked his lips before capturing Steve’s mouth. It felt terribly good and Bucky came to realize that it was almost freeing. They were not young anymore, not uncertain or grasping at something impossible.

Bucky moved his hips and when he felt Steve’s hard cock against his he rocked forcefully on Steve, searching for that friction he had been chasing since he opened his eyes.

Steve grabbed his shoulders to break to kiss.

“Bucky, stop,” he said, breathless and trying his best not to move his hips in return. “She’s just in the other room,” he said, almost a whisper, like he didn’t want her to hear.

One of Bucky’s brow quirked up. “We can ask her to join us,” he said with a coy smile.

But Steve tensed uncomfortably and he didn’t look amused at all. Bucky relaxed his muscles and slid down on Steve’s thighs, lifting himself up in a sitting position.

Under him Steve dropped his hands on his sides, avoiding to touch Bucky.

“Shit, I’m sorry Stevie,” Bucky said, realizing he went a little too far. “I shouldn—”

“It’s okay,” Steve sat up and framed Bucky’s face with his hands. 

They were chest to chest and Bucky felt relief at the way Steve was looking at him now.

Clearly Steve wasn’t ready to take things this far between them. Bucky and Peggy had more time to think about and even talk about. It was a fantasy Bucky was dying to make real. But Steve came to face this new reality only a few days ago.

“I just need some time,” Steve paused and gave Bucky a quick smile, “to adjust to the fact that I can fuck both of the most beautiful persons in the goddamn world.”

Bucky erupted in laughter and wrapped his arms around Steve who was biting his lip with the most adorable smile Bucky had ever seen on him. Bucky kissed Steve’s neck and moved to his jaw before pressing his lips on his.

“Come on, let’s have breakfast with our girl,” Bucky said as he jerked his head toward the bedroom door.

This could wait, they had all the time in the world now. There was no war outside, not really anyway. They didn’t need to justify themselves to society, laws or religion. They both pretty much died trying to save everyone else, now they finally get to enjoy each other, and Peggy. Fuck with what other people thought. 

… 

Bucky joined Peggy in the kitchen while Steve was getting in the shower. She was still wearing his shirt, her legs bare and looking just as soft as he knew they felt. Her hair was gathered up in a messy bun, wisps of hair falling to frame her face. She was setting up breakfast food on the kitchen counter.

“Did you get out to the grocery shop?” Bucky asked curiously, not certain to understand where all this came from. There were scones, muffins, fruits and cheese, and fresh smoothies in plastic cups.

He saw a smile form on her lips as he walked over. 

“I called in to get it delivered, picked it up from the door man,” she answered as Bucky trailed his hand up on her back and rested it on her nape.

“In that outfit?” Bucky sounded both scandalized and proud.

She chuckled and turned around to hook her arms around his neck.

“Yes,” her smile warmed his heart, “I think Arthur was on the verge of a heart attack.”

“The guy is close a hundred years old, Peg. And he’s never seen you in anything else than office clothes. You could at least have put on some pants.” Bucky was laughing now and it felt almost luxurious. He wasn’t sure he remembered when was the last time he felt this warmth, this simple and yet completely overwhelming feeling of happiness at the center of his chest.

She shrugged with an adorable smile and he captured it with a long, affectionate kiss. 

“How was it?” He asked as he pulled away.

“With Steve?” She slightly leaned her head on the side.

“Yeah,” he said, detaching himself from her just enough to reach for a blueberry on the kitchen island behind her and pop it in his mouth.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” she answered with a smug expression grinding herself against him, as Bucky was putting another berry between his teeth.

He stopped in the middle of his movement to watch her. There was a sparkle of lust in her eyes and it shot electricity all the way through his cock now dangerously brushing against her thigh. Which didn’t help his morning arousal. 

He bit the blueberry trapped between his teeth and its red juice ran on his bottom lip. Peggy’s eyes immediately went on the droplets and she lifted her hand to wipe it with her thumb. As it passed on Bucky’s lips he put an opened mouth kiss on her fingertip, grazing his tongue on the pad of his finger.

That was the moment Bucky realized they had an audience. Steve was standing between the corridor and the kitchen, observing them. He was dressed and with a fresh clean shave. There was curiosity in his eyes but his stand wasn’t exactly relaxed. After all he had never seen Bucky that close with Peggy yet, beside the rapid hug they shared after the Chitauri attack.

Bucky was practically bending Peggy’s body over the island and she still had her thumb on his lips. She dropped her hand to her side and Bucky took a step back. Even if Steve seemed more comfortable with the situation, they should take things slow. 

“Hi,” Steve said as he finally entered the kitchen and went directly to the coffee machine. He took a mug from the cupboard and set it on the machine, pressing the button for a double espresso. 

Bucky marvelled at how natural it felt to have him in their home, already knowing where things were.

“I’m— I’m gonna take my coffee on the balcony,” Steve stammered as he took the mug in his hand, without looking at them, clearly uncomfortable. “I didn’t mean to intrude.”

“What?” Bucky asked with surprise.

“Steve, you don’t need to leave,” Peggy said at the exact same time.

Steve fiddled with his cup and dropped his head down. Bucky took the few steps that separated them in the narrow space between the island and the counter. He put his hand on his arms, smelling the citrus scent of their soap that he always associated with Peggy’s skin.

“You’re not intruding Steve, alright?” he said trying to sound as reassuring as he could.

“Plus who is going eat that staggering amount of food I ordered?” Peggy said offering a smile that softened Steve’s uncomfortable expression. 

“I just—” Steve started and shook his head. “I don’t know how we’re supposed to do this. You and me,” he said as he watched Bucky and then looked over Peggy. “Us. And you guys. I mean you’re… married.”

He hesitated a second before saying the words. Bucky decided to immediately put Steve’s reservations to rest.

“Well that’s good because I don’t think we know either.” He smiled at Steve. “And we don’t have to jump in right away, we can take things slow. I don’t know, if you want your own place—”

“I could, yeah, if it’s easier for you guys,” Steve cut him quickly.

“No,” Bucky and Peggy said together again.

She let out a sigh, giving Bucky an accusatory look. “That’s not what he meant Steve. We want you here, we do. But if  _ you _ need some space, we understand.”

“Yeah, I didn’t mean to— Steve, listen it’s your choice, but just so you know I can’t stand the idea of you being away from me ever again,” Bucky said earnestly and stepped closer, putting both hands on Steve’s shoulders and soothing them up and down his defined muscles. Bucky swallowed hard as he looked at Steve’s eyes, waiting patiently for his answer.

“I’ll stay then,” Steve said as he nodded, never letting his eyes waver from Bucky’s.

“Good.” Bucky couldn’t repress the tiny smile that appeared on his lips.

Steve turned his head to look at Peggy. “I’ll stay,” he repeated as to make sure she knew she was included in this. “I still don’t really know how it’s gonna work. Do we—,” Steve gestured between Bucky and himself, “are you okay with this?”

Bucky turned to watch her too and she nodded silently, a half smile on her face.

“You sure?” Steve asked again. “How can you—” He stopped himself and pinched the bridge of his nose, putting the untouched coffee mug on the counter. 

“Talk to us,” Bucky told Steve, encouraging him to share his doubts.

“It’s just that I know you say it’s fine and you’re okay with us but,” Steve said looking at Peggy, “I don’t know, it’s weird to...” He glanced at Bucky again, a familiar pain readable on his traits.

“I know,” Bucky reassured him, “it’s new territory.”

“It’s not just that,” Steve sighed.

“You won’t get a pink triangle pinned on your chest,” Peggy said seeming to understand Steve’s hesitation better than Bucky in that moment if Steve read correctly Steve’s reaction to her statement. She extended her hand to Steve who took it quietly. “Your love is no longer a crime.” 

Steve looked down at their entwined fingers and up back at Bucky who put his hand on his cheek. 

God, they were so lucky to have found each other again sixty years later. Maybe, Bucky thought, maybe everything they’ve been through was worth it. Maybe his years as a killer, Steve’s self-sacrifice and Peggy’s bravery was the price to pay for them to be reunite. Maybe it would erase all the pain. It already kind of had. 

“So we’re doing this?” Bucky asked them both.

Steve’s blue eyes went to Peggy and once again he asked for her confirmation. “Are you sure this is really what you want?”

There was an edge in his voice, a fear that Bucky knew all too well, when you were grasping at something you want so desperately but the terrifying sensation of seeing it slip between your fingers was so strong, you felt like dying.

So much in his life had almost slipped away from Bucky. His friendship with Steve when he realized he was in love with him. His life as he fell from that train. His mind when HYDRA dug holes into his brain. His soul when he was taking lives. His memories while Peggy was trying to make him remember. Her love, every day, every hour. He was always so afraid she would realize he was an abomination.

But today none of what he truly wanted was gone. They were both here.

“What I want,” Peggy started to answer Steve’s question, slowly as she let go of his hand, “is to watch you kiss.”

There was a hint of desire in her voice but this was not lust. It wasn’t just seduction. It was her way to tell Steve that his relationship with Bucky was valid and welcomed. She wanted to prove that she was all in. 

Bucky and Steve were both so close already. It would be easy, so easy for Bucky to lean in and do what she asked. But this was for Steve and only him should initiate the kiss.

There was a silent question in Steve’s eyes and when Bucky gave him a quick wink, Steve glanced one last time at Peggy before dropping his eyes on Bucky’s lips and licking his own. 

When finally Steve’s mouth was on Bucky’s he felt the soldier moan, a low and barely audible sound of unabashed appreciation coming from his throat.

Bucky understood. He really did. And as he pulled Steve closer to him, grabbing at the fabric of his shirt, Bucky felt Peggy’s eyes bore on them. She was the only person in front of whom they dared share a kiss. She was the first to witness this love, this attraction.

Steve’s hands were spread on the small of Bucky’s back and he arched into the touch, pressing his entire body on Steve’s. Soon Bucky’s tongue made its way between Steve’s lips and Bucky pushed even further as his metal fingers buried themselves in Steve’s still slightly damp hair. 

They both let a throaty groan out at the same time, almost grinding on each other, turning the kiss into something much filthier than they intended to at first.

After God knows how long Bucky pulled out to catch his breath. Steve’s cheeks were flushed and his lips were swollen and pink and looking absolutely delicious. 

Steve slowly turned his head to watch Peggy and Bucky did the same, his hand still tangled in Steve’s hair and their bodies still pressed together. Her eyes were focused on them, traveling between Steve and her husband. She was bracing herself on the island, knuckles white with strain and an hunger readable in her brown eyes.

She crooked her head to the side and Bucky slowly detached himself from Steve. He let his metal hand trail from his hair to his shoulder, all the way on his arm and as he started to walk to Peggy, he brushed his fingers before letting them slip. Steve’s hand dropped loosely to his side.

Bucky moved close to Peggy, angling himself a little so Steve could still see her. He slid his hand behind his hair, on the space between her jaw and her neck.

“Well,” she said with a breathy voice, “that kind of kiss would have definitely got you arrested.”

Bucky hummed in agreement so close to her mouth, he knew she could feel his lips vibrate. She was the one to kiss him. Long and slow and deep. With a languishing want that he knew all too well. 

Soon Bucky placed his leg between her thighs, pushing into her core and she was moaning in response. He slid both hands on her ass, brushing the fabric of her panties and slipping his fingers under it to push them down.

He turned his head around to Steve whose eyes were following the delicate piece of underwear falling at Peggy’s ankles. When he looked up, he locked his hooded gaze with Bucky. He wasn’t smiling, they was a tightness in his traits that Bucky recognized. He had witnessed it countless times when Steve was trying to repress his want and his feelings for him. He was doing the same now. He wanted her. Them. He was just not sure if he could act on it. Bucky would have to show him this was for him too.

Bucky turned back his attention to Peggy. He lifted her and sat her down on the island behind. 

He pushed open her legs and could already smell the musky scent of her arousal. He knew Steve could too and his cock jerked in response to the idea.

Peggy’s fingers fiddled with the hem of her tee-shirt and when she took it off she was completely naked, offering herself to watch for both Steve and Bucky.

“Ain’t she fucking beautiful?” Bucky whispered, watching Steve at the corner of his eyes. A low moan resonated in Steve’s throat.

Bucky smiled as he kissed her neck and her chest, liggering a little on the soft skin of her breasts before pulling a nipple in his mouth. His prosthetic hand was massaging her other breast, its heavy weight feeling amazing as he cupped her. 

Peggy’s head fall back and when his fingertips found the entrance of her cunt, she whimpered. She was already incredibly wet, it was so easy to slid in a couple of fingers. Behind him Bucky heard Steve take a few steps closer. Peggy’s gaze moved back to the blond and she bit her lip as he stood close to her. 

Bucky bended down to kiss his way down to her core and watched, mesmerized as Steve’s hand slid from Peggy’s shoulder to her neck, watching Bucky going down.

He started tasting her just as Steve pulled Peggy for a kiss. The way she arched and almost cried out between Steve’s lips when the flat of his tongue pressed into her clit would have make him so hard if he already wasn’t. 

He sucked and he licked her just like she loved it and he kept glancing up to watch Steve and Peggy kiss or look down at him and fuck, if it wasn’t the hottest thing he had ever seen in his life.

Steve’s hand went to rest on his nape and he squeezed a little as he called him.

“Buck,” Steve said with an raspy voice. Bucky lifted up his head to look at him. “Show me how,” Steve told him, capturing his bottom lip between his teeth.

Above him Peggy let out a shaky breath and grasped Steve’s wirst holding on her neck

“If you want to?” Steve asked her immediately, sounding almost unsure she would say yes.

Bucky was already up and moving from between her legs when she answered with an abrupt nod, almost breathlessly saying, “Yes, yes, I want you.”

Bucky wiped his mouth with the back of his hand but it didn’t stop Steve from kissing him. Bucky was sure Steve could taste Peggy on his tongue and on his lips. Steve’s hand was still on her neck and Bucky rested his on her thigh for balance.

The kiss didn’t last long and Steve kneeled down on the exact spot Bucky was a few minutes ago.

“Look at her,” Bucky told Steve as Bucky spread her knees further apart. Steve placed her legs just above his shoulders.

Peggy’s breathing was labored and for a second Bucky watched the curves of her breasts move up and down as she looked down at Steve between her legs.

When his eyes looked back down Steve was already tasting Peggy, giving her a long and slow stroke.

“That’s good,” Bucky commented as his fingers dug a little on Peggy’s thigh, so close to Steve’s face. “Flick your tongue here,” he ordered when Steve licked close to her clit. 

Steve tentatively flicked his tongue on her sensitive nub and she jerked in response. He looked up at her with a tiny smile and teased her again the same way.

“Now press it harder and rub her,” Bucky instructed and Steve obliged, grasping at Peggy’s thighs to keep her in place.

“Oh God, Steve,” Peggy moaned and when she dropped back her head Bucky titled it forward to capture her lips and give her a sloppy kiss.

She was almost shivering already and Bucky could see she was close. He tangled his metal fingers in Steve’s hair.

“Use your fingers,” he told him.

“Fuck,” Peggy let out as Steve was probably doing as he was told. Bucky couldn’t see from where he was but the way she was rocking her hips and moaning told him Steve was doing exactly what he should.

Bucky trailed kisses on her jaw, her neck, behind her ear while he moved his hand to pinch her bulging nipple, cupping her breast with his free hand and seconds later she let out a short loud whimper of pleasure. Her thighs’ muscles contracted uncontrollably, almost crushing Steve’s face between them as she came.

She was still shaking when Steve put kisses inside her thighs and stood up to look at Bucky with a satisfied smile. The punk looked so good with his lips and chin still shiny from Peggy’s juices. 

“Don’t look so smug,” Bucky told him as he was soothing his hand up and down on Peggy’s back and reach to the island for a cloth, handing it to Steve who wiped his face.

“What?” Steve smiled. “It was good, wasn’t it?” He asked looking down at Peggy and squeezing her thighs a little.

She shook her head, smiling and biting her lip, almost as she wasn’t able to talk yet.

“Yes, it was,” she breathed out, “honestly I was so bloody turned on by that kiss I would have finished in seconds if I hadn’t controlled myself.”

“Does that mean it didn’t matter I was good or not?” Steve said with a raised brow.

“No, of course not,” she leaned in to take his face between her hands, “you were perfect my darling.” And she kissed him softly, Bucky’s hand resting on her shoulder.

…

It was nearly afternoon when Bucky woke up, he must have dozed off to nap once they were done eating the food they collected from the kitchen and ate directly on the bed. 

After taking care of Peggy in the kitchen they moved to the bedroom and hadn’t left the bed since, exploring each other and learning how to make this work.

The empty food trays were nowhere to be seen and when he glanced up, Peggy and Steve were sitting facing each other a cardboard box between them and items scattered around the bed.

Peggy’s hair was wet and she was wearing black cotton shorts and a white tank top, while Steve only sported a pair of boxers. Bucky was still naked and laying on his stomach. He wondered how long he had slept.

“Hello sleeping beauty,” Peggy said, an easy smile appearing on her face. 

“What time is it?” Bucky asked lifting himself on his elbows and winced a little when it pulled on his wound. It wasn’t bothering him most of the time but right now it felt sore. Their activities in the last couple of hours might be to blame. 

“You alright?” Steve asked while Peggy was already standing up from the bed to come by his side.

“I’m fine,” he sat up and waved. “It’s just a little sore. Your fault, both of you.” He flashed them a grin.

Steve shook her head and Peggy sat down next to him to examine the injury under the dressing.

“It’s fine, Peg. What did I say about worrying?” He reached for her wrist and stroked his thumb gently on it.

Her eyes were filled with worry and a hint of annoyance, a sight he was so used to see. He craned his neck to give her a kiss.

“I know what you said. And I don’t care, love. I’ll worry if I want to worry.” She gave him a quick pat on the chest and before she was able to get up, Bucky grabbed both her wrists and pull her down to sit on his lap. She let out a surprised yelped that he quieted down by capturing her mouth.

When Bucky pulled away from Peggy’s perfect lips, he turned to the side to look at Steve. He was leaning back on a stack of pillows next to him, watching them with an easy smile. He looked like he belonged. Bucky’s heart fluttered at the thought that he finally looked genuinely happy. The doubts he expressed earlier on were gone from his features.

“I’m gonna sound corny but I feel so fucking lucky right now,” Bucky said.

His metal hand reached up to rest on Steve’s neck and he pulled him closer to brush his lips with his. The taste from both of them mixing deliciously on Bucky’s tongue made him harden under Peggy’s barely covered skin.  

“You’ve always been a little corny anyway,” Steve said as they broke the kiss.

He was teasing but there also was a lust gleaming in his eyes that didn’t help Bucky’s growing arousal.

“Gentlemen, I know those looks,” Peggy started “and your wound is not the only thing that’s sore.”

Bucky and Steve chuckled, Bucky planting a quick peck on Steve’s lips.

“You could just watch,” Bucky offered lightly, not really serious. The pain radiating from his abdomen seemed to unfortunately agree with Peggy. 

She just shook her head in response and he knew if he pushed it a little she would definitely cave. But something caught his eyes. Steve had a stack of letters in his hands that he recognized as soon as his eyes dropped on them. He looked up at the cardboard box resting on the bed.

“I know that box,” Bucky said.

“Yes, I thought Steve would want his things back,” Peggy informed him and brushed his cheek affectionately.

The old box had no label on it, but Bucky knew it all too well. It was filled with Steve’s belongings from before and during the war. Nothing of value, mostly letters, photographs and small souvenirs from their years spent in Brooklyn. Everything was left with Peggy after Steve disappeared, since Steve didn’t have any next of kin still alive.

After a few years, when Bucky’s memories were mostly back and in order, she gave it to him. She brought Bucky the box in the apartment he first moved in when they came back to New York, before they were together. She left him with Steve’s last tangible presence to give him space. He didn’t look inside right away, it took him a few days to open it and to pick up the first item. A picture of them both, on the steps of a brownstone building, a few months before Bucky was shipped overseas. Bucky had his arm chastely slung over Steve’s small shoulders, they looked happy.

That day Bucky cried his eyes out for the first time in what felt years, mourning the man he loved, his death finally becoming real.

Steve’s eyes dropped on the letters. “These are the letters Peggy and I wrote to each other when we weren’t on the same missions.”

“I know,” Bucky said. “But I never read them,” he felt like he needed to add.

“You can,” Steve offered kindly, extending the letters to Bucky.

He glanced down at them and considered it for a moment.

“I don’t want any secrets between us,” Steve said as he looked up at Peggy who nodded, then at Bucky.

“Maybe one day,” Bucky answered. 

Steve gave him a small smile and reached for the box to put it between Bucky and him, Peggy still sitting on Bucky’s lap. He set the letters beside him and pulled another item. It was his dog tags from the war, which made him frown.

“I had these with me when I went down, didn’t I?”

“Yes, I asked for them. In case you wanted them back,” Peggy explained.

Steve blinked and looked at the tags silently for a long moment. He lifted them up in the palm of his hand and extended it to Peggy and Bucky.

“They survived with me,” he said seriously. “You should have them, for good luck.”

Bucky was about to take them from Steve when he remembered something.

“Peg,” he turned to her, “where’s my ring?”

Peggy reached for the drawer of his nightstand and pulled a small silk pouch that contained Bucky’s necklace.

He fetch it out and removed one of the tags from the chain to add it next to the wedding ring. Bucky gave the second tag to Peggy, she wrapped her fingers around it and pressed her closed fist above her heart, watching as Bucky put on the chain around his neck

When Bucky was done he immediately noticed the tears in Steve’s eyes that were menacing to fall down.

“Hey, no. No tears.” Bucky reached for his neck again, giving him a little shake.

“Sorry,” Steve sniffed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “They’re happy tears though.”

“And you say he’s the corny one?” Peggy said with an adoring smile.

Bucky laughed and pulled Steve close enough to kiss his temple. 

“There’s something else I’d like to do,” Steve said seriously. “I want to visit my parents’ graves. I’d like you two to come with me.”

Both Peggy and Bucky were quiet for a moment. Peggy put her hand on Bucky’s chest.

“Are you up for this?” She asked him.

Bucky considered it for a few seconds before nodding.

“Yes, let me take a quick shower and I’ll drive us there.”

Peggy stood up from his lap and as Bucky walked in the bathroom he heard Steve ask her if he was alright.

_ “Most of his family is buried in the same cemetery,”  _ she answered cautiously, although she knew Bucky could still hear her. _ “He hasn’t been there yet.” _

Bucky closed the door of the bathroom behind him and leaned on it.

He never had the courage to visit his parents’ last resting place. Peggy asked him just once, a very long time ago. He wasn’t ready then, just like he never met with his sister and her family. Becca was still alive when he came back. He knew she had a family of her own, a husband, children. Peggy assured him she was living a good life, that if he wanted she could arrange for him to see her. He just couldn’t. He didn’t want to put her through the pain of learning about what happened to him. The ghost of his past couldn’t come to haunt her too.

She passed away roughly fifteen years ago. He considered attending the funeral in secret, to pay his respect. But he didn’t.

Today was a happy day. One of the happiest he had in decades. Maybe it was the right time to say goodbye.

…

The three of them stood before the tombstones of Joseph and Sarah Rogers, together side by side. There was a pleasant breeze in the air, making the heavy summer heat more bearable. That part of the cemetery was older, some tombstones and graves were covered in moss and overgrown weed.

Steve was clenching a simple bouquet of wildflowers in his right hand, Peggy’s fingers threaded in the left one.

Crouched on the ground, Bucky was removing some of the dried out moss covering part of Sarah Rogers name. He remained with a knee on the dirt and looked at the tombstone in silence, leaving Steve the time he needed to think about his family.

“Hi Ma,” Steve whispered, “I wanted you to know that I’m alright. I’m more than alright.” He paused. “I hope you’d be proud of me.”

Bucky looked up as Peggy wrapped her arms around Steve’s shoulders.

“She would be so proud,” she murmured in his ear. “You’re a good man Steve Rogers.”

Bucky stoop up to reach for Steve, simply resting his palm on his back as Steve buried his face in Peggy’s neck. They stayed like this for long minutes before he pulled away and set the flowers on the grave. As he straightened up Steve noticed the grave next to his mother’s.

“Is that—” he started before stopping himself.

On an old grey tombstone a small star was engraved with a simple inscription.

★

Steven Grant Rogers

1918 - 1945

Beloved son and friend

“It was put up a couple of years after your disappearance,” Peggy said quietly. “I thought you would want to be next to your family.” 

Her voice sounded small and vulnerable. Bucky could hear the memory of the pain she must have endured when she buried an empty casket in that very same spot decades ago.

“I can have it removed,” she offered. There was something like love and sadness in Steve eyes as he gazed down at her.

“We don’t need to worry about this now,” he answered. “I’m sorry Peggy.”

Bucky could understand the guilt Steve must feel at the thought of causing her so much grief, even if it had been the right thing to do to save the world.

“Oh don’t be sorry,” she put her hand on his cheek.

Steve turned around slightly to Bucky. “You ready?” 

Bucky took a deep breath and nodded. They started walking toward Bucky’s family graves, Steve put his left arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer to his side, while Peggy was still holding Steve’s hand. 

He was ready. With both of them by his side, he was ready to face anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hope you were ready for all the fluff. 'Cause some of it was some tooth rooting stuff and I know this story didn't have a lot of it until now haha. 
> 
> Thank you all for your lovely comments and encouragement. I'm very very humbled by your response to this story. I hope the final chapter will live up to the rest. I still have a little editing to do, I'll post it sometimes next week.


	16. Steve

The Quinjet landed in the clearing of the forest, dust and leaves flying around as the cargo door opened. Steve and Bucky walked out the cover of the tree line and made their way inside the aircraft.

“Why are you covered in mud?” Clint asked his hand leaning up on the cargo bay entrance as he watched the pair walking inside.

“Don’t ask,” Bucky grumbled.

Steve was trying to hide a smirk but apparently failing.

“He did something again?” Clint lifted one eyebrow as he glanced to Steve.

“Yes, yes he did  _ something _ again,” Bucky sat down directly on the floor of the quinjet loading bay under Clint’s curious look. “He decided that jumping from a five stories building to catch a goddamn drone was a brilliant idea. He crashed directly in a fucking swamp. I was standing there, apparently too close. He landed on top of me.” Bucky sounded so tired as he told the story. He proceeded to lay down on the floor. “I think I have a broken rib.”

“No you don’t,” Steve interjected as he sat in the co-pilot chair next to Natasha who was at the aircraft commands.

“Aw Cap you’re putting mud all over my seat,” Clint whined as he closed the cargo door. 

Steve shrugged and gave Natasha an amused look, one corner of her lips lifting up.

“Never a dull moment with you two, right?” She said and started the engine.

Behind them Clint was looking at Bucky with both hands on his hips.

“What the hell are you doing laying there?” 

“I’m taking a nap,” Bucky answered, his eyes closed and the fingers of his hands crossing on his chest.

“Where dirty boots, weapons and probably the blood of prisoners have been all over? You realize no one cleans that floor?”

Bucky shrugged. “I already took a mud bath. Why should I care.”

“You guys are so fucking weird.” Clint shook his head.

“I’m exhausted,” Bucky concluded. 

Clint was still standing above Bucky while over at the quinjet commands Natasha gave Steve a knowing look. 

“Not my fault.” Steve said.

She smirked like she wasn’t believing it.

“Oh my God Nat, we don’t do that during missions,” Steve told her, his voice slightly high-pitched.

Bucky made a coughing sound. “Lies,” he muttered between his teeth.

“Buck,” Steve turned around in the sit. “Shut up. The four of us were together almost the whole time these past three days, when do you think we’d have time to do anything for Christ’s sakes.”

“We can be sneaky.” Bucky said as he sat up, apparently giving up on trying to sleep. Sitting on the benches close to Bucky, Clint was cracking up quietly.

“That I don’t believe,” Natasha interjected. “You’re terrible at hiding out. Sometimes I wonder how you even survived in the forties.”

“Maybe we just don’t want to hide anymore,” Bucky stood up and walked to Steve’s side, putting his hand on the space between his shoulder and his neck.

Steve lifted his eyes to look at his face, open and honest. It felt good to be able to joke about this with friends. Steve never thought he would live long enough to see it happened. He smiled back at the love of his life.

“Alright boys, ETA 45 mins,” Natasha announced. 

“Thank God I need a shower and a descent coffee,” Clint claimed in the back.

“Yeah, you definitely need a shower,” Bucky said wrinkling his nose in an adorable way.

“You’re the one to talk, mud boy.” Clint remarked.

Steve smiled wider. He couldn’t wait to be home to take Bucky and Peggy to bed and just spend the rest of the day there.

…

Steve was driving the car back through Washington D.C. traffic. 

“Next op we’re scheduling a landing time that doesn’t coincide with this hell,” Steve grumbled.

“You’re in a good mood,” Bucky commented while he was typing on his phone. Always on his phone. Steve wondered why everyone was so damn adsorbed by those things. He barely remembered to charge his own much to Peggy’s annoyance.

“I hate traffic,” Steve replied without hiding his irritation.

“Nobody likes traffic, babe.” Bucky put the phone on the dashboard and settled his metal hand on Steve’s thigh.

“Yeah well, there’s a reason for that,” Steve grumbled in response.

“Hey, I wanna see her too. But we ain’t gonna be deployed for another week so we’ll have plenty of time to spend with her.” Bucky squeezed his thigh and bended his head forward to try and catch Steve’s eyes.

Steve glanced at Bucky for a second before returning his eyes on the road. His boyfriend’s face was relaxed and content. Bucky looked happy, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled. Steve’s heart felt a little fuller at the sight, something he knew Peggy shared too. She had been working most of her life toward the goal of bringing the Bucky they knew back and now it looked like she succeeded. He was so grateful for her. They were happy.

...

They went to live to D.C. about a year after Steve officially moved in their Williamsburg apartment. After the battle of New York S.H.I.E.L.D. couldn’t hide behind unmarked building and black ops. They went public, under Peggy’s supervision. Keeping the headquarters in Manhattan wasn’t viable anymore. They needed to be where the government and other worldwide nations could work with them in a timely manner. 

Bucky and Steve were reluctant to leave Brooklyn at first and Peggy offered to get a small place in D.C. so she could spend weekdays there and come back for the weekends to New York. That worked for about three weeks before Bucky decided he was not going to spend another night away from her. Steve definitely agreed but he still was somewhat cautious to give his opinion when it came to their relationship. The first months were a battle against his brain and his feelings. He wanted to be in, all in, and he was. But Peggy and Bucky had a life together when he came back into the picture and sometimes he felt like he had no rights to intervene on some aspects of their lives.

Peggy called him on his bullshit one night. They were alone, Bucky had gone out with Clint and Natasha. It was the night he told them about his relationship with Peggy and Steve. He wanted to come clean, he was working with them daily and Steve was joining the team, they just couldn’t keep it a secret if they were going to work on the field. And honestly, Bucky couldn’t wait to tell the people who mattered the most in his life.

When Bucky came home, Peggy and Steve were still having arguments about whether Steve had his place in this relationship just as any of them. Bucky let them practically scream at each other not less than ten minutes before just having it.

“We’re moving to D.C. That’s it. If you don’t want to have your say in this Steve, that’s great because I’m not going make a compromise here. We need to be together. The three of us. Not because I decided it, not because it’s more practical but because we can’t make this work if we’re not together. And I love you both so we’re gonna have to make do. End of discussion.”

Bucky went for a shower and when he came out, Peggy and Steve were already naked and practically fucking in their bed. When Bucky joined them, it turned out to be one of the best make up sex Steve ever had.

Bucky did all the research for a new place, as Steve suspected. Steve asked for some outdoor space. He had lived his entire life in a minuscule apartment in Brooklyn and now they had the money to have something fancier, he was not going to pass on the opportunity. He also wanted both Peggy and Bucky to understand they should stop hiding behind closed doors. 

But that was the only thing he really gave his opinion on. Bucky was pretty set that he could find them the perfect place. Peggy warned Steve to let him do his thing. So Steve watched as Bucky spent his evenings on a laptop, comparing offers and calling real estate agents. Less than four days later they were driving south to the federal city to visit three different townhouses in the same day. They were all perfect, honestly. All so luxurious and beautifully finished, Steve couldn’t believe his eyes. He couldn’t believe the prices either, they were all so damn expensive. But when he mumbled his thoughts on the matter, Peggy rolled her eyes and called him cheap, which made Bucky laugh to no extent.

The last house they visited that day caught their attention. It was in a good neighborhood, quiet, close enough to the new S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters. It had a large open floor living space and kitchen with plenty of light and an access to a backyard where trees and high fences could give them the privacy they needed.

There were three bedrooms in the upper floors, and more specifically a giant master bedroom with its own bathroom and dressing room taking up all the plan of the last floor. It led out to a small balcony overlooking the yard. Peggy could turn one of the bedrooms in an office and the other could be a nice guest room.

“Or a nursery,” Steve let out before he could think about it. Both Peggy and Bucky remained silent behind to him.

The real estate agent was downstairs, he let them wander around the space after giving the tour. Steve was looking outside the window to the yard, already imagining how he could furnish it. Buy or even build a swing to put there, in the back.

When he turned around Peggy was looking at him with something like fear and understanding in her eyes, while Bucky was watching the floor his metal hand closed in a fist.

“I’m sorry— I,” Steve blurted out, “I didn’t mean…” he stopped himself. “Oh hell with it. Yeah that’s what I meant. And that’s a longer conversation obviously but that’s a conversation I wanna have.”

He stood his ground when Bucky lifted up his eyes to him in surprise.

“You wanted me to speak my mind when it comes to us. Then that’s what I’m doing,” Steve continued. “I want kids. I want a family and I want it with you two.”

Peggy let out a shaky breath and wrapped her fingers around Bucky’s fist to make it loosen up. 

“Maybe it’s not the best place to have this discussion? Let’s go back to the hotel, shall we?” She said a little too harshly.

Bucky blinked, still watching Steve. He removed his hand from Peggy’s hold and she glanced at him with a worried look.

“Yeah,” Bucky said quietly and his voice almost sounded different. He was oddly calm and his eyes were practically blank, emotionless. Steve learnt it from Peggy later, this was what it looked like when Bucky used to cope with certain aspects of his life when he was still trying to break the conditioning. Hiding behind a wall of stillness, avoiding to feel what he was supposed to.

It hadn’t happen in a while but apparently the subject of kids was a trigger and Steve hated himself for being so selfish and bringing it up the way he did. Peggy had told him where they stood on the matter and he should have listened better. Maybe start mentioning it to Peggy first because not matter what she said about children, Steve was certain she wanted to be a mother.

Steve drove in silence and during the short trip back to the hotel his previous determination started to deflate. The entire car ride was quiet, with an electricity in the air making everyone uncomfortable especially Peggy sitting on front in the passenger seat.

Steve dropped his hand on her thigh and she squeezed it gently as he kept his eyes on the road up front.

Back at the hotel Steve dropped the car keys on a console in the hallway of the suite.

“We could ask Banner,” Peggy said as soon as the door was closed.

Bucky watched her with a blank stare and walked inside the main suite room. They both followed him.

“Ask Banner?” Steve asked.

Bucky was in front of the window watching outside without really looking. Peggy sat on the edge of the sofa armrest.

“To do some tests. On me and on you two. Just so we can understand better what we’re dealing with.”

“Are we still talking about— about kids?” Steve questioned, finding her choice of words odd. He wondered if it was her way to ease the subject on Bucky.

“I am,” she said seriously.

Bucky turned on his heels and went straight to the minibar next to the tv set and pulled out a minuscule bottle of vodka and drowned it in one go. Steve knew it wasn’t harmful to him but he didn’t exactly like that kind of coping mechanisms. He didn’t want to push or crowd him though so he turned his attention back to Peggy.

“He could tell us if there are risks. We trust him,” Peggy said.

“Do we?” Bucky asked suddenly, his voice a little darker than usual.

“Yeah, we do,” Steve frowned. “Buck,” he walked closer to his boyfriend and put his hand on his prosthetic shoulder. “Say something.”

Bucky watched Peggy, ignoring Steve in front of him. “I thought we agreed on that.”

“We did,” she said quietly. “Steve doesn’t. So it’s like you said. To make this work, we listen to each other.”

“You’ve always wanted kids,” Steve told Bucky softly and he noticed how Bucky’s breathe caught in his throat. The cold placid Winter Soldier mask had crumbled and when Bucky looked at Steve he found him again in his eyes. Steve couldn’t be more relieved.

“That was before,” Bucky said, almost whispering.

“Doesn’t change anything.”

“It changes everything,” Bucky took a step back from Steve and gestured to Steve’s body. “ _ This _ changes everything.” He pulled down at the collar of his shirt to show the scars on his shoulder. “And this.”

Steve’s jaw clenched, he hated those scars and he loved them just as much. He loved them because they were part of who Bucky was now and there were not parts of Bucky he could not love. But he hated what it did to Bucky, reminding him everyday of what happened to him. 

“If we ask Banner like Peggy suggests, we can be sure. We can know if this is a possibility. Don’t you wanna know?” Steve wasn’t very hopeful of his response but he still hoped.

Bucky shook his head. “No I don’t want to know. I don’t wanna learn that what they did to me can be passed on children. I can’t— I don’t want them to be the abomination that I was.”

Peggy was at Bucky and Steve’s sides in a split second. 

“Bucky, love, you stop that immediately,” she planted herself in front of him, hands resting on his cheeks. “You are not a monster, you never were.”

“Oh come on, you know how many people I’ve killed. You know the number,” Bucky said and glanced briefly to Steve before looking down at the floor taking a deep breath to contain his anger and his shame. Steve knew the wounds caused by what Hydra had done to him went deep. Deep enough to make him think he couldn’t deserve a family. 

“That wasn’t you,” she spoke with a softness that Steve had witnessed her offer to Bucky many times now. “It was never you. Your children won’t inherit anything from the Winter Soldier, because you’re not him. You’re our Bucky.”

Steve settled his hand on Bucky’s back and he felt him pressed onto the touch.

After several hours Bucky agreed on Peggy contacting Banner at some point but asked for time. He asked them to wait for him to be ready. They agreed. That day they also made an offer on the house and got a positive response a few hours later. 

Bucky was still wary, he didn’t talk much in the few days that followed. Then they were deployed to the middle east to rescue a village of civilians where an international arms deal had take the place on siege, menacing the civilians. Tony Stark even joined and came back in the quinjet with them. It was a first. He invited them to spend New Year’s Eve at the Tower. 

“We’ll celebrate you moving in the most boring city in the world,” Tony grinned at Steve and Bucky.

When they returned to New York Bucky seemed more at ease. Peggy and him had started packing their personal belongings. Steve helped with what he could but it was mostly their stuff. He wasn’t sure what to do with it all. 

“Banner’s going to be there at Tony’s party?” Bucky asked, nursing a mug of coffee.

Both Steve and Peggy’s heads turned to watch him. Steve nodded silently, expectant and hopeful.

“Let’s ask if he can stay in New York for a few days longer to do the tests,” Bucky concluded, setting down the cup and walking to the bathroom.

Peggy and Steve joined Bucky in the shower a few minutes later and took care of him until he was on the verge of passing out.

…

Bruce stared at them with utter confusion when they explained their request. 

“You want to know what effects the serum could have on a child?”

“That’s correct,” Peggy said and crossed her arms, already very close to lose her patience.

“You’re planning on getting pregnant?”

“Possibly,” she said, “it would depend on the results.”

“But—” Bruce took off his glasses and watched them one after another. “With— whom?” He pointed his index from Bucky to Steve.

“Either of them. I’m not picky. And they’re both very capable. Trust me, I know.”

Bucky couldn’t repress the loud snort than came out of his mouth. Even Steve let out a quiet laugh at the face Bruce was making.

“Alright, I guess?” The scientist still seemed utterly perplexed but he put back his glasses on and motioned to collect a blood sample kit. 

…

They beat up D.C. traffic and Steve was finally pulling up the car in the driveway.

  
Peggy was already home and slicing vegetables in the kitchen when they walked inside. Steve dropped a kiss on her cheek, his hands resting on her hips. 

“Hi sweetheart,” he said and sighed in relief when she kissed him on the lips in return. Finally that mission was over and he was home.

“You look annoyed?” She asked as she pulled back.   
  
Steve just grunted. “I’m better now,” he said as his eyes followed Bucky when he came closer to greet Peggy with a light kiss on her jaw.   
  
“What happened?” She frowned.    
  
“Nothing,” Steve replied as he moved away from her to pour himself a tall glass of water.   
  
Bucky sat down in a stool around the kitchen island and propped up a carrot slice in his mouth.   
  
“Nothing serious,” Bucky continued, “it was a shitty mission. Bogus intel and we ended up covered in mud because your boyfriend was, as usual, being a reckless little shit.”   
  
Steve snorted and Peggy’s lips corners lifted up. “Oh that’s how it is now? He’s  _ my _ boyfriend when he’s being a little shit?”   
  
“I’m not a little shit. We were ordered to took down their surveillance operation, that’s what I did.”   
  
“Yeah, you didn’t have to drag me into a swamp to do so,” Bucky answered, “and we had to share a room with Clint.”   
  
Steve let out another grunt of annoyance.   
  
“Is that supposed to be so terrible?”   
  
“Peg, he snores,” Bucky said like it was a well-known fact.    
  
“It’s like sleeping in the same room with a tractor,” Steve added. “Seriously we barely slept these last three days.”   
  
Peggy blinked at both of them in disbelief.   
  
“And that’s it? Getting a little dirty and Clint’s snoring is what gave you that foul mood?”   
  
“When you put it like that…” Bucky said.   
  
“There was a lot of traffic on our way here,” he retorted sheepishly. 

She rolled her eyes and didn’t have to say it out loud for Steve to know what she was thinking. Yes, maybe they were a bit dramatic sometimes. It made him smile. Because for the longest time he had way too much dark things happening in his life to even bother complaining about traffic.   
  
Peggy was quiet as she kept preparing dinner. Oddly quiet.   
  
“How was your day?” Steve asked then as he took the glass of water to his lips.   
  
“Oh, rather interesting. I peed on a stick and found out I was pregnant,” she said as she collected the chopped vegetables and put them in a bowl.   
  
Steve almost broke the glass as he slammed it down on the counter.   
  
“What?” He asked in surprise.   
  
Peggy was watching Bucky in front of her, on the other side of the island. He was frozen in place, eyes wide open as he looker at her. She turned slightly to glance at Steve, suddenly looking apprehensive.   
  
“Are you sure?” Steve asked.   
  
She captured her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded. “I am. I need to book an appointment to the doctor but those home tests are pretty accurate now.”   
  
“Oh my God,” Steve let out in a breathy voice and took the few steps that separate them to crush Peggy into a suffocating hug. “Oh my God, Peggy,” he repeated as he burrowed his head in the crock of her neck.   
  
She let out a relieved sigh and when Steve pulled away, they both immediately looked at Bucky. The man hadn’t move an inch and was looking at the flat surface of the island before him.    
  
“Bucky,” she said quietly and detached herself from Steve to join him on the other side. “Are you alright?”    
  
Bucky looked up at her and then at her stomach. “You’re pregnant,” he simply stated.   
  
She cupped his face and forced him to look in her eyes.   
  
“Talk to us,” she said and was joined by Steve who stood at Bucky’s side, his hand on his shoulder.   
  
“I don’t—” he started but stopped himself.   
  
Steve and Peggy shared a worried glance. Shit, Steve was certain Bucky was on board. As soon as Banner confirmed that the chances for a child to inherit the effects of the serum were close to 0, Bucky finally confessed that he wanted a family too. Peggy had her IUD removed a couple of months ago. They agreed not to obsess over this. If it happened, it should happened naturally.   
  
But maybe they should have prepare Bucky that it could happen very soon.   
  
“Are you happy, love?” Peggy asked, sounding unsure. “I know it’s very sudden. But—”   
  
“Yeah,” Bucky whispered quickly.   
  
“You are?” Steve asked, looking for reassurance.    
  
“Yes, I’m happy.” His eyes dropped back on Peggy’s stomach. He put his hand on it tentatively. “I can’t believe we’re having a child.” 

There was such awe in his voice. When he looked back up, his eyes were filled with tears but a tiny smile was appearing on his features.

“Oh Buck,” Steve tightened his hold on his shoulder and settled his other hand on Peggy’s back. 

“And I fucking can’t believe you let us complain about Clint’s snoring before telling us,” Bucky added with a beaming smile.

Peggy let out a watery laugh and pulled Bucky into a strong hug, her arms around his shoulders as she buried her head in the crock of his neck.

Bucky held Peggy just as strongly, kissing her temple and then looked back at Steve. 

Steve’s smile was reflecting Bucky’s and he reached for Steve’s neck to pull him close enough to drop a kiss on his lips. Steve encircled both of them, trapping Peggy in between their bodies.

God, they were going to be parents. 

...

Steve walked his way down the pathway that led to their new home. As soon as he opened the door the small feet of a little girl were running towards him. She was squealing and bouncing as she called him.

“Daddy!” His daughter exclaimed as she crashed on his legs, barely letting Steve enough time to close the door.

Behind her Bucky followed with a six month old baby boy carefully secured on the hip under his metal arm. Steve crouched down to give the toddler a hug. When he stood back up Bucky put a peck on Steve’s lips. 

“Hi babe,” Bucky greeted him.

Steve shuffled the thick dark hair on the boy’s head and gave him a kiss on his chubby cheek.

“Where’s mummy?” The girl asked.

“She’s finishing a phone call in the car, she’ll be in in a few minutes.” Steve petted her head.

“I’ll get her,” she started running towards the door. Steve sprung his arm around her middle to stop her.

“Sarah, no. That’s not a good idea.”

Bucky lifted up his eyebrows. “Ross again?”

Steve nodded, giving him a grimace.

“Then you better opened that expensive bottle of bourbon Tony got for her birthday and have a glass ready,” Bucky said. “Gotta give this one his bath.” He made the bady bounced on his hip a couple of time, inciting a giggle from him. 

“No, let me,” Steve extended his arms to take the boy from Bucky. “You fix her a drink.”

Bucky glared at Steve and angled his body to take away the child from Steve’s hands, the boy was wriggling in Bucky’s arms to join his other parent. “Last time you gave Michael a bath, it was like a tsunami ravage the bathroom.”

Steve smirked. “I’ll clean after,” he waved his fingers and Michael almost threw himself in his arms. Bucky was barely able to hold back the baby and kept glaring at Steve. “I swear, I’ll be extra careful. And I’ll clean the bathroom for the next two weeks.” Steve gave Bucky this smile that always made his boyfriend give in.

As predicted Bucky sighed and irreverently dropped the boy in Steve’s arms. As soon as Michael was secured against his chest, the child threw his little arms around Steve’s neck possessively and Steve felt his heart warm in his chest. There was no better thing in life than when his children showed him how much they loved him. It was the most honest and genuine thing he had ever experience.

“Can I take a bath too?” Sarah asked as she tugged on Steve’s kakis.

“Sure, sweetheart. Come on,” Steve grabbed her hand and Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose.

“The bathroom is not a battlefield you guys!” He yelled as Steve took the children up the stairs.

When Steve came down after successfully not ruining the bathroom this time, he found Peggy and Bucky snuggled on the couch, both nursing a glass of amber liquid. Peggy was barefoot, her legs curled under her body and resting against Bucky’s chest. Her fingers were absentmindedly playing with Steve’s dog tag she wore around her neck while she was telling Bucky about her heated conversation with General Ross. They both turned their heads when they heard the tiny footsteps of Sarah patting on the hardwood floors.

“My babies!” Peggy shouted happily as she opened her arms and the girl came running to crash in her arms. “How was your day my darling?” She asked affectionately as she covered her face with kisses, leaving lipstick everywhere and making Sarah giggle loudly.

Sarah started babbling about what she had done that day with her father. Steve walked with Michael now changed in a fresh pair of pajamas. Bucky was smiling as he was watching him walk toward them.

Steve sat down the baby on a mountain of pillows on the floor where all his toys were scattered in the middle of the living room fancy rug. The expensive thing had already been mostly ruined by Sarah’s mess she made when she started eating solid food and now with her impressive collection of crayons and paints. Neither of her parents could care less about the state of the rug. The house had turned into their children’s territory in no time anyway. There was no reason to fight it.

The fact that Bucky stayed at home with the kids full time now didn’t help. With how much he loved real estate, and closed another amazing deal on this new and bigger house they moved in the year before, he strangely had no eye and care for interior design. There were toys and children drawings pinned on the walls everywhere.

Steve was the one in charge of decorating, with a bit of help from Peggy. But her input was mostly on insuring that Steve didn’t buy the cheapest furniture. She banned everything coming from IKEA. That first and only trip there when they moved in D.C. had almost put an end to their relationship. Well, not really but that didn’t prevented her to yell at Steve for comparing light bulbs by price and hour of use. At length. 

“I’ll leaving you, that’s it!” She shouted in the middle of the store before turning to Bucky, “deal with him on your own and good luck.”

As she stormed out of the aisle, Steve caught her by the waist and planted a kiss on her cheek. 

“I’m done, I swear,” he just said for his defense.

Nonetheless she just rolled her eyes and walked back to the cart where Bucky was smirking. She slapped his head to chase that look away and they decided to call it a day and order the rest of what they needed online.

The house was far from being a disaster though, Bucky made sure of it. After the birth of Michael, he decided to quit S.H.I.E.L.D. and retire to take care of his family. Peggy was a little wary and unsure this would be a good thing for him but Steve reassured her. He knew it was only a matter of time. Bucky had never been the fighter he was made into. He was put on a the battlefield during the war without the intense determination Steve had and then he was used as a weapon against his will for years. He had enough and it was more than understandable. It was a long time coming.

Bucky still decided to remain an Avenger. Their cause was too great and it would be irresponsible to ignore his duties to the world. The need for the team to assemble was less frequent than the missions for S.H.I.E.L.D. and it was a welcomed pace for Bucky. He left him enough time to watch the children and witness them grow into these little human wonders. Everyday seemed to be a miracle for him, to see how good and beautiful and balanced they were.

Bucky being a stayed at home dad was the butt of endless jokes between the Avengers. Most of them called him ‘Dad’ now. It didn’t bother Bucky. He did show up at a briefing before a mission at Stark Tower with baby powder all over his chin and hair. He just shrugged when Tony asked if Bucky knew this was supposed to go on a baby’s butt, not his face. He actually went into the mission without removing any of it, just out of spite.

Tony had been the most shocked about Peggy’s first pregnancy announcement. They asked Tony and Pepper to diner while they were back in New York for a few days. 

Peggy was almost 5 months into her pregnancy and already showing. She had gained two bra cup sizes at that time, much to Bucky and Steve’s enjoyment and Peggy’s displeasure, they were really hurting her back. 

Tony froze as he welcomed them into the personal floor he shared with Pepper. There was no need for a real announcement, they noticed as soon as she walked out of the elevator. Pepper squealed in delight and pulled Peggy into a hug.

“Who’s the father?” Tony watched between them.

“We don’t know,” Bucky answered.

“And we don’t care,” Steve added.

“Holy shit,” Tony swore, “let’s hope the media won’t get a hold of this, otherwise Lewis’ gonna have one hell of a press release to write.”

Peggy waved to dismiss him. “You’re supposed to be the modern guy here Tony, don’t look so shocked.” She sat down on the couch and propped her feet on the coffee table. Her back wasn’t the only thing hurting, her ankles swelled up so much at the end of the day she couldn’t wear stilettos anymore.

Bucky asked Tony to be the godfather for their second child. The billionaire accepted eagerly. He already loved Sarah and covered her in gifts of toys and drawing supplies, the girl’s favorite, all the time.

When Michael was born, it got a bit out of control. 

When the three of them came back from the hospital after the birth, the living room was literally filled with stuffed animals, balloons and wrapped up presents. Sarah was border on hysterical when she saw it all, not caring that those were for his new born brother. Peggy turned on her heels and declared she was taking Michael to Maria’s while Bucky and Steve cleared the room. 

They had a talk with Tony. The man pouted like a teenager when he was asked to stop buying that much stuff for their kids.

It surprised Steve at first but then he realized it was a way for Tony to prove to himself he wasn’t his father, that he could cherish the children in his life, even if they weren’t his. And until he would become a father himself, which was something him and Pepper had started talking about. 

After the children were in bed and the trio shared a quick dinner, Bucky and Steve settled on the couch and browsed through Netflix to find something to watch. Steve had his arm around Bucky’s shoulders while his boyfriend was exchanging texts with Clint, about God knew what. If their texting habits were bad when they were working together, now that Bucky wasn’t on S.H.I.E.L.D. payroll it had turned into an almost around-the-clock activity, which tended to annoy Steve.

Steve glanced down at the phone in Bucky’s hands. “Can you put that thing away? Please?”

“Wait,” Bucky answered not bothering to lift his eyes from the screen. “Clint is telling me about you jumping out of the plane without a ‘chute in front of the rookies.” He chuckled.

Steve rolled his eyes. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

Bucky looked up at Steve and lifted his brows. “Of course you did. You love the stupid look on their faces.”

Steve leaned forward and kissed Bucky to hide the smirk that was forming on his lips.

They broke apart when they heard Peggy’s footsteps as she was walking down the stairs.

“False alarm, Michael is sound asleep,” she said. “But I must warn you that Sarah sneaked in our bedroom again, she’s in the bed.”

“Again?” Steve frowned. “Is this normal? Shouldn’t we try to have her sleep in her own bed?”

“It’s pretty common at her age,” Bucky answered his concerns, “I did some research on this.”

Peggy hummed as she finally reached the couch.

“I want Lime ice cream from Whole Foods, could you go get some, love?” Peggy asked Bucky as she sat on the couch, practically on top of Steve. “My ankles are so swollen I can’t walk a minute more.”

Steve and Bucky traded a sharp glance. Steve’s hands went on her waist and squeezed in a little. That craving for ice cream and lemony sweets. He knew too well what it meant by now.

“What?” She told them narrowing her eyes.

“Doll. When was the last time you had your periods?” Bucky asked as he crocked his head to the side with a smile growing on his face.

Peggy’s eyes opened widely and she put her hand on her stomach.

“Oh God,” she whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it folks! I hope you enjoyed the ride. I sure did LOVE writing this. I think it was by far one of my favorite story to write. Even if it was painful at times and probably way too fuffly at the end. I don't care I'm a sucker for angst with a happy ending.
> 
> Although this closes the arc of Steve's journey since he woke up, it's not exactly the end of this universe. I want to explore more and as you've maybe already noticed I started a series called [Love takes time](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1071936) (I know the title is a little yuck but it's from [Imagining My Man by Aldous Harding](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xE-A0cNSLmc) which I love). I'll be adding snippets of Bucky and Peggy's life prior to Steve's reappearance (brace yourself for the pain and suffering) as well as additional scenes from this timeline. 
> 
> If you have prompts and want to read something in particular that we didn't see during this story or if you're curious about something mentioned from Peggy and Bucky's past, now is time to ask ;) I don't say that I will necessarily write it, but it might inspire me for more snippets! I already have a few drafts and plenty of ideas though ;)
> 
> You can send prompts and ideas in the comments here or on tumblr, I'm [founderofshield](http://founderofshield.tumblr.com/)! 
> 
> I'll take a little break for Steggy Positivity Week (coming up next week WHO'S EXCITED?? BECAUSE I AM) and then return to this universe.
> 
> I want to thank each and everyone of you who tagged along and read my little story, and especially all the amazing people who left kuddos and comments! You have no idea how happy they make me <3 You are the absolute best.


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